Night duty
The warm weather brought the freaks out for a horrendously busy night duty and I was quite relieved to get the last few off. My favourite story was during my nights off & concerned Rachel & Nick who were paired together. Rachel is quick off the mark & takes no nonsense. Nick is her diametric opposite.
When officers are paired together, an unwritten rule suggests that the officer with less experience should go down as the arresting officer, thus increasing their experience. They were called to investigate the behaviour of a group of youths. Rachel read them the riot act then discovering that they were likely candidates for a theft warned them they were likely to be arrested, thus giving the chance for Nick (the officer with less experience) to step in & do the decent thing.
Nick’s contribution to the event was to lean in & intone ‘Yeah’ at the end of Rachel’s warning to the group.
Losing patience Rachel announced to the group – ‘Right, you’re all nicked’ … all 5 of them. A little while later after attending the custody suite with their guests Nick confided to Rachel that he was disappointed not to have gone down as the arresting officer for any of the ‘bodies’.
‘But you didn’t actually arrest any of them did you Nick ?’ was Rachel’s patient reply.
Yorkshire
After a couple of relaxing outdoor days sorting out my sleep pattern, I headed for Yorkshire on Friday. No unnecessarily heavy traffic & avoiding the Heathrow static diggers display had me arriving after 6 hours which is unacceptable (cue ‘I hate this country & our crappy, overcrowded roads, repeat to fade …). Luckily, a chat yesterday with Golden Balls, aka lovely Colin, revealed a different, allegedly quicker route, involving the M18 so I’m going to try that one next time. Colin’s currently off D team doing a job which involves a prodigious amount of driving, what he doesn’t know about routes isn’t worth knowing.
Regardless of my late arrival I was greeted with a delicious cooked meal which was to set the trend for my visit. I didn’t even get to eat fish and chips once – thank you Mummeh.
On Saturday we commenced with a visit to the vets for Mummeh’s moggies to have their annual booster. Hazel was unimpressed at going in the basket but accepted it with equanimity. Clancy however, had other ideas & having seen where his sibling ended up, decided the best course of action was to squeeze his large frame down the gap between the washing machine & work units in the kitchen. I made a dive for him & grabbed his tail until instructed by Mummeh to let him go. For the next 15 minutes we tried to pull out the washing machine, having failed to lure him out with assorted titbits. Having removed one of the kickboards at the far side of the kitchen, Mummeh then had the brainwave of fetching the ‘thing what scares a Clancy the most’ ie the hairdryer. Switching it on, she pushed it under the units & began waving it in Clancy’s general direction until he dashed terrified, into my waiting arms to be deposited into another waiting basket.
‘Well – he’s not underweight is he ?’ was the vet’s pronouncement as we plopped a disgruntled Clancy on his examination table 10 minutes later.
Later that day we headed for Boundary Mills to do some shopping. The disappointment of coming away empty-handed was tempered by the drive back which was stimulating. The drive there had been conservative due to Mummeh being a growed-up & advising me about fuel consumption. Sensing my disappointment at being on the twisties in bright, dry, clear conditions she relented on the homeward journey with the words ‘Oh go on then – drive it’ So I did. She was commendably calm too. The only indicators were her body language (her fingers left indentations in the seat) and her question ‘So – do you miss your bike then ?’ Well done Mummeh.
The day was rounded off with a lovely evening stroll along the river banks in Gargrave doing what Barleys like the most ; fetching tennis balls.
I have recently purchased 2 ‘throwing thingies’ which allow even ‘gurls what can’t throw’ to launch the ball a respectable distance. I have one & Stuart has the other. Don’t think from this that I am implying Stuart is ‘ a gurl what can’t throw’, indeed the mixture of the ‘throwing thingy’ with a bloke’s throwing produces some spectacular distances. So much so that Barley occasionally turns back from her run for the ball, unconvinced that the ball is still in the air.
After a 3 hour riverside stroll in the sunshine Mummeh treated us to huge 99’s. I ate mine whilst Mummeh smeared hers over her face, prompting the proprietor of the ice cream van to approach her & offer a large wad of serviettes & a pitying expression. I nearly laughed up a lung, especially as we had been reminiscing about how messily my younger brother Lloyd used to eat his ice creams. I was kindness epitomised & used to offer to ‘tidy it up for him’ thus removing most of the ice cream. He never cottoned on, bless him.
I tackled the journey down late Sunday evening, hoping for a more respectable travelling time. 5 hours, rather than 6. Barley’s only contribution was a succession of choking bottom burps. Each time I looked at her she slept the sleep of the innocent, unaware of my streaming eyes & racking coughs. My props were the ubiquitous Red Bull & Pro-Plus, loud music and 5 hours worth of quiz questions from Milk Yuk. My favourite exchanges were these …
Milk Yuk : ‘What does SPAM stand for ?’
Briggsy : ‘Is is Self Promulgating Automated Mail ?’
Milk Yuk : ‘No – Shoulder Pork And haM’
Milk Yuk : ‘Name all 5 of the Marx brothers’
Briggsy : ‘Harpo, Groucho, Jello , Brillo & Brasso ?’
Briggsy : ‘Oh – and Chico’
Milk Yuk : ‘Wrong – the last two are actually Marky & Pollen’
After 7 lovely days, I took Barley back to Stuart’s on Tuesday morning. The downside of having her for such a long stint is the feeling when I have to leave her again. I get used to her being there very quickly.
Golf –‘ it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part.’
I didn’t have much time to dwell though after a 2 hour journey to return her I was soon collected by Darren as we headed to Fulwell for our 1415 tee off time & golf with Andy & his dad.
When Andy, Darren & I play there is much mockery & laughter & Darren & I remarked on the journey there that we would have to play ‘normal golf’ if we were to play with a ‘growed-up’. Andy’s dad proved to be as good a golfer as he was a conversationalist & we thought we’d played a pretty relaxed round until he subsequently remarked to Andy how quiet his friends were.
‘High-light’ of the round was Darren finding the island in the lake with three successive tee shots, this may not sound remarkable until you hear that each of those shots ricocheted from trees to find their mark.
I am relieved to report that I seem to have remembered how to drive a ball off a tee again, especially as this season’s Police Society Golf Days have commenced.
Quiz Night
Tuesday night saw the welcome addition of Bloo to our pub quiz night. Isn’t it gratifying when one of your friends meets a group of others & they hit it off ? Bloo wasted no time in fitting right in by shouting out answers & taking the pi55 out of Andy. On a serious note, I can think of no higher recommendation to prolonged overseas travel than the way Bloo conducted himself on Tuesday. There was not a hint of the miserable t**t. Well done you. Come again next time ?
Our team ‘Pope Idol’ covered itself in glory with its second win, which means we have been placed each outing & more prosaically a commendable £77.50 in the kitty. Notables on the night were Gemma who pulled ‘Hovis’ out of nowhere, Darren with ‘Persian’ which was the much less offensive and a more accurate reply than mine, to the question ‘What nationality was Aladdin ? The 2 questions I was gifted with were ‘Which fictional town did James Herriott work in ?’ and ‘What was Churchill’s wife’s name ?’
I heard someone mutter ‘I bet Briggsy’s read all the Herriott books’ in disparaging undertones. It’s true – I did, I still love them now.
That just about brings us up to speed I think.
Cows
I am hoping to take the 3rd, 4th & 5th of May as annual leave to assist Malcolm & Justine at a show with their cows. I told Malcolm this morning that I had requested the leave & would let him know as soon as. His reply was …
‘The show cows are shaping up well, one has a fifth teat, the other has warts.’
Great.
2 people I know are trying to do something which is very difficult at the moment, my best wishes are with both of you. I can’t name one without implicating the other, you know who you are.
Derv
Ps. If all has gone to plan, this will be the first ‘live’ Q4A that Derv has read. I have been promising for some time to send him the Q4A link & have him aboard. Welcome Derv. I look forward to your comments, it’s very quiet at VK without you.
Cx
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