Some TPB
has stolen my bike.
As if that's not bad enough, they've left a weirder, older one in it's place.
You had to see my last bike to know how odd that is.
Cx
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
A Winter Wonderland
So here we are, with a few days worth of catching up to do.
Brooke Fraser on the cd, cup of tea to hand.
I’ve just returned from riding & as ever the difference in my state of mind pre & post ride amazes me. There’s a lot of stuff whirring away in there at the moment but by the time I return from my ride it’s all perfectly logical & do-able.
Today I rode Cocky’s horse, Snippet. She is unable to ride due to being 6 months pregnant with twins. A trifling matter like this wouldn’t stop her normally, it’s just she’s enduring a particularly unpleasant pregnancy. If she’s not hurling, she’s fainting. Fainting & neddies don’t mix.
Snippet is a 15.2hh bay cob cross & because he lives out he is very woolly chap at the moment. We took a trip out towards RAF Headley today which is a stunningly beautiful old establishment nearby to the stables. It took 5 minutes of roadwork to get there & as ever, I was impressed with the general courtesy shown to horses by the motoring public I encountered. I keep my part of the bargain by smothering myself in fluorescence so that even myopic car drivers cannot fail to see us.
Most cars come past pretty slowly, very rarely does one pass without slowing at all & I make every effort to wave my thanks to each individual driver. If you’re ever the car driver & wonder why the rider doesn’t acknowledge with a wave but rather, nods towards you, then be aware ; the horse they are riding is a mentalist, whose reins they dare not release.
Far & away the most considerate road users towards horses are motorcyclists. Today was a case in point. From a long way off, I caught the sound of an approaching sportsbike being worked hard. Seconds later, a strapping 6 footer clad in black, blue & white skin tight Dainese (where was I – oh yes – horses) came hooning around the corner on his R1 at a respectable 80mph or so.
Upon noticing us he immediately came off the throttle & pulled in the clutch so that the screaming bark of his highly illegal zorst became no more than a muted growl. He came to a complete standstill as we passed, touched his lid in acknowledgement of my thanks & remained in situe until we were 20 metres or so beyond him. Funny thing is all the horses I ride are blasé about bikes but will run for cover when faced with any or all of the following terrifying objects
Hosepipes (snakes)
Flappy plastic bags (tigers)
Baby buggies (crouching lions)
Wheelie bins (who knows ?)
As for Snippet, who is the most laid back neddy I have ever slung a leg over, his particular terror is fence posts. Not just any old fence posts though, because that would be boring. Only fence posts which mark the beginning or end of a particular route. Fence posts at the entrance to a road are particularly horrific, which means that crossing a main road from a bridleway gets interesting.
The rider must urge him forward strongly enough to get past ‘the post’ but not with so much impulsion that you find yourself in the road without having checked for oncoming cars. Drivers who bear down on us doing a strange little forward & backward dance at the roadside must wonder what on earth we’re doing.
The last four days have been a total gift weather-wise, England looks delectable. The thick morning frost has been followed by glorious crisp, sunny days and it has been a complete joy to be outdoors.
Winter is a season we English do particularly well, the countryside looks spectacular & we even know how to dress. Not so Summer, we are crap at Summer. We become ridiculously excited at the 1st ray of sun, wear too little, burn, complain that it’s too hot & are generally pathetic. We can really get our teeth into Winter though. If you are wondering what I mean look at how well-heeled people dress in preparation for a day maiming small things.
The clothes are beautifully made & the materials are the very best of English reserve, tweeds, corduroys, houndstooth check, thick woollen socks & of course a stout pair of brogues. Splendid!
Malcolm & Justine are the perfect examples of good Winter dressers. Justine looks effortlessly glam all year round so it’s no surprise that she looks good in Winter but Malc is a man to whom fashion is a complete mystery. For 3 seasons in the year he sticks resolutely with what he knows. Come Winter however & it falls into place for him, he looks great when he leaves for a day’s shooting (doesn’t stop me taking the piss out of his ultra-posh zip-up wellies though)
There is something very wholesome & therapeutic about being at the stables on a cold day. Being able to ride until 10pm in summer is one thing but in some ways it’s more satisfying to ride swaddled against the cold, watching your breath condense & appreciating the solitude of Headley Heath.
I love the air of industry on the yard at night-time. Various small dogs charge about, greeting one another & sporting the very latest in flashing safety lights whilst owners rush back & forth feeding, grooming, mucking out & generally getting the horses ready for bed.
Happy Birthday to me.
Last night a group of us from work headed out to Oceana in Kingston to celebrate my birthday. It was a classic night, hugely enjoyable & an example of one of those nights which is good against all your expectations.
I was feeling a bit so-so about going & even considered backing out at the last minute. I kicked myself up the backside & went & was so glad I did.
Oceana is the 1st club I’ve been to that has sufficient bars to get served within a reasonable time and more importantly, the room to dance. With lots of different rooms & music styles you can find whatever type of music you like.
I was particularly impressed with the barman who said in reply to my request for a vodka, soda & lime …
Barman - ‘Sorry love, bottles only at this bar’
Briggsy - ‘Ok, what’s that blue one like with vodka in it ?’
Barman – ‘It’s rank & it’s 4 quid a bottle’
Briggsy - ‘What about the apple vodka one ?’
Barman - ‘That’s lovely & it’s only 2 quid’
Briggsy - ‘2 of those then please’
As ever, we made a beeline for the garage & r n’ b room & spent the rest of the night there. Milky & I finally left as they turned the big lights on ‘Aaaarrgh – that’s who I’ve been dancing with !’
Andy was on good form displaying his very surprising black man’s dancing. His poor girlfriend Kirsty wasn’t quite sure where to look as he dragged himself up & down a bannister, pointing to his bottom & looking coquettishly over his shoulder.
The award for ‘Duracell Bunny’ goes of course to Milky – he was quite exceptionally good value last night. Not only did he dance all night but he completely ignored the pain from a badly sprained ankle, sustained whilst entertaining his friends.
I’m not quite sure what the chain of events were, but one minute he was laying down seamless dance moves & the next, his right ankle gave way, catapulting him at speed toward me. For the rest of the night he had to dance on one leg, which oddly, wasn’t as noticeable as you might suppose.
During one of Milky’s pit stops, I was approached by a 20 year old sailor who was proving particularly determined. Upon his return, Milky thought it funny to walk past us unawares despite my mouthed, silent pleas of ‘Help’.
Thinking I’d ditched the matelot, Milky & I headed off to join the 3 day queue for our coats. Guess who was in the queue behind us ? He asked some very odd questions.
Sailor - ‘So – how do you 2 know each other then ?’
Briggsy – ‘I’m his boss (nods to Milky) & we are in landscaping’
Sailor – ‘So – do you live together ?’
I think if someone is brave enough to approach you in a club then politeness dictates you should be kind if the answer’s no. This guy made it difficult to be polite though & I was verging on being pointed before he finally got the message.
Sailor – ‘So, can I see you ?’
Briggsy – ‘No thanks, I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who was away at sea.’
Sailor - ‘No, it’s ok, I’m on shore-leave on a course for 2 years, I’d be able to see you lots.’
Briggsy – ‘Oh.’
Sailor – ‘So what do you think then, can I have your mobile number ?’
Briggsy – ‘I don’t know it’.
Sailor – ‘You must do, everyone knows their own number, where’s your phone ? I’ll show you how to find your number.’
Briggsy – ‘Err, he’s got I’t (points at Milky, I don’t know why he was carrying my bag, he just was)
I did consider giving him the number with one digit changed but figured he was the sort to ring it whilst I stood there, to check.
At this point sailor makes a lunge for the bag which Milky snatches out of his grasp declaring ‘How rude’ in very camp tones.
Sailor - ‘I’m gonna go now, cos I don’t think you really want to give me your
mobile number or tell me where you live’
Cue – Milky & I clutching each other in fits of giggles as sailor-boy departs.
Upon leaving, Milky had arranged for us to be met by his mate James (above & beyond the call of duty as it was after 0300) to save us the cold, wet walk home. James turned up in a rather gorgeous BMW & I was taken home in style (you DO sound like Barry White, quite disconcerting on a white guy). It was the perfect end to a very enjoyable evening. The only thing missing was the KFC.
Cheers guys.
I was going to do a catch-up Blog but that will have to be done tomorrow now as I’ve typed for ages & I still want to write an e-mail to my brother.
Until next time.
Cx
So here we are, with a few days worth of catching up to do.
Brooke Fraser on the cd, cup of tea to hand.
I’ve just returned from riding & as ever the difference in my state of mind pre & post ride amazes me. There’s a lot of stuff whirring away in there at the moment but by the time I return from my ride it’s all perfectly logical & do-able.
Today I rode Cocky’s horse, Snippet. She is unable to ride due to being 6 months pregnant with twins. A trifling matter like this wouldn’t stop her normally, it’s just she’s enduring a particularly unpleasant pregnancy. If she’s not hurling, she’s fainting. Fainting & neddies don’t mix.
Snippet is a 15.2hh bay cob cross & because he lives out he is very woolly chap at the moment. We took a trip out towards RAF Headley today which is a stunningly beautiful old establishment nearby to the stables. It took 5 minutes of roadwork to get there & as ever, I was impressed with the general courtesy shown to horses by the motoring public I encountered. I keep my part of the bargain by smothering myself in fluorescence so that even myopic car drivers cannot fail to see us.
Most cars come past pretty slowly, very rarely does one pass without slowing at all & I make every effort to wave my thanks to each individual driver. If you’re ever the car driver & wonder why the rider doesn’t acknowledge with a wave but rather, nods towards you, then be aware ; the horse they are riding is a mentalist, whose reins they dare not release.
Far & away the most considerate road users towards horses are motorcyclists. Today was a case in point. From a long way off, I caught the sound of an approaching sportsbike being worked hard. Seconds later, a strapping 6 footer clad in black, blue & white skin tight Dainese (where was I – oh yes – horses) came hooning around the corner on his R1 at a respectable 80mph or so.
Upon noticing us he immediately came off the throttle & pulled in the clutch so that the screaming bark of his highly illegal zorst became no more than a muted growl. He came to a complete standstill as we passed, touched his lid in acknowledgement of my thanks & remained in situe until we were 20 metres or so beyond him. Funny thing is all the horses I ride are blasé about bikes but will run for cover when faced with any or all of the following terrifying objects
Hosepipes (snakes)
Flappy plastic bags (tigers)
Baby buggies (crouching lions)
Wheelie bins (who knows ?)
As for Snippet, who is the most laid back neddy I have ever slung a leg over, his particular terror is fence posts. Not just any old fence posts though, because that would be boring. Only fence posts which mark the beginning or end of a particular route. Fence posts at the entrance to a road are particularly horrific, which means that crossing a main road from a bridleway gets interesting.
The rider must urge him forward strongly enough to get past ‘the post’ but not with so much impulsion that you find yourself in the road without having checked for oncoming cars. Drivers who bear down on us doing a strange little forward & backward dance at the roadside must wonder what on earth we’re doing.
The last four days have been a total gift weather-wise, England looks delectable. The thick morning frost has been followed by glorious crisp, sunny days and it has been a complete joy to be outdoors.
Winter is a season we English do particularly well, the countryside looks spectacular & we even know how to dress. Not so Summer, we are crap at Summer. We become ridiculously excited at the 1st ray of sun, wear too little, burn, complain that it’s too hot & are generally pathetic. We can really get our teeth into Winter though. If you are wondering what I mean look at how well-heeled people dress in preparation for a day maiming small things.
The clothes are beautifully made & the materials are the very best of English reserve, tweeds, corduroys, houndstooth check, thick woollen socks & of course a stout pair of brogues. Splendid!
Malcolm & Justine are the perfect examples of good Winter dressers. Justine looks effortlessly glam all year round so it’s no surprise that she looks good in Winter but Malc is a man to whom fashion is a complete mystery. For 3 seasons in the year he sticks resolutely with what he knows. Come Winter however & it falls into place for him, he looks great when he leaves for a day’s shooting (doesn’t stop me taking the piss out of his ultra-posh zip-up wellies though)
There is something very wholesome & therapeutic about being at the stables on a cold day. Being able to ride until 10pm in summer is one thing but in some ways it’s more satisfying to ride swaddled against the cold, watching your breath condense & appreciating the solitude of Headley Heath.
I love the air of industry on the yard at night-time. Various small dogs charge about, greeting one another & sporting the very latest in flashing safety lights whilst owners rush back & forth feeding, grooming, mucking out & generally getting the horses ready for bed.
Happy Birthday to me.
Last night a group of us from work headed out to Oceana in Kingston to celebrate my birthday. It was a classic night, hugely enjoyable & an example of one of those nights which is good against all your expectations.
I was feeling a bit so-so about going & even considered backing out at the last minute. I kicked myself up the backside & went & was so glad I did.
Oceana is the 1st club I’ve been to that has sufficient bars to get served within a reasonable time and more importantly, the room to dance. With lots of different rooms & music styles you can find whatever type of music you like.
I was particularly impressed with the barman who said in reply to my request for a vodka, soda & lime …
Barman - ‘Sorry love, bottles only at this bar’
Briggsy - ‘Ok, what’s that blue one like with vodka in it ?’
Barman – ‘It’s rank & it’s 4 quid a bottle’
Briggsy - ‘What about the apple vodka one ?’
Barman - ‘That’s lovely & it’s only 2 quid’
Briggsy - ‘2 of those then please’
As ever, we made a beeline for the garage & r n’ b room & spent the rest of the night there. Milky & I finally left as they turned the big lights on ‘Aaaarrgh – that’s who I’ve been dancing with !’
Andy was on good form displaying his very surprising black man’s dancing. His poor girlfriend Kirsty wasn’t quite sure where to look as he dragged himself up & down a bannister, pointing to his bottom & looking coquettishly over his shoulder.
The award for ‘Duracell Bunny’ goes of course to Milky – he was quite exceptionally good value last night. Not only did he dance all night but he completely ignored the pain from a badly sprained ankle, sustained whilst entertaining his friends.
I’m not quite sure what the chain of events were, but one minute he was laying down seamless dance moves & the next, his right ankle gave way, catapulting him at speed toward me. For the rest of the night he had to dance on one leg, which oddly, wasn’t as noticeable as you might suppose.
During one of Milky’s pit stops, I was approached by a 20 year old sailor who was proving particularly determined. Upon his return, Milky thought it funny to walk past us unawares despite my mouthed, silent pleas of ‘Help’.
Thinking I’d ditched the matelot, Milky & I headed off to join the 3 day queue for our coats. Guess who was in the queue behind us ? He asked some very odd questions.
Sailor - ‘So – how do you 2 know each other then ?’
Briggsy – ‘I’m his boss (nods to Milky) & we are in landscaping’
Sailor – ‘So – do you live together ?’
I think if someone is brave enough to approach you in a club then politeness dictates you should be kind if the answer’s no. This guy made it difficult to be polite though & I was verging on being pointed before he finally got the message.
Sailor – ‘So, can I see you ?’
Briggsy – ‘No thanks, I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who was away at sea.’
Sailor - ‘No, it’s ok, I’m on shore-leave on a course for 2 years, I’d be able to see you lots.’
Briggsy – ‘Oh.’
Sailor – ‘So what do you think then, can I have your mobile number ?’
Briggsy – ‘I don’t know it’.
Sailor – ‘You must do, everyone knows their own number, where’s your phone ? I’ll show you how to find your number.’
Briggsy – ‘Err, he’s got I’t (points at Milky, I don’t know why he was carrying my bag, he just was)
I did consider giving him the number with one digit changed but figured he was the sort to ring it whilst I stood there, to check.
At this point sailor makes a lunge for the bag which Milky snatches out of his grasp declaring ‘How rude’ in very camp tones.
Sailor - ‘I’m gonna go now, cos I don’t think you really want to give me your
mobile number or tell me where you live’
Cue – Milky & I clutching each other in fits of giggles as sailor-boy departs.
Upon leaving, Milky had arranged for us to be met by his mate James (above & beyond the call of duty as it was after 0300) to save us the cold, wet walk home. James turned up in a rather gorgeous BMW & I was taken home in style (you DO sound like Barry White, quite disconcerting on a white guy). It was the perfect end to a very enjoyable evening. The only thing missing was the KFC.
Cheers guys.
I was going to do a catch-up Blog but that will have to be done tomorrow now as I’ve typed for ages & I still want to write an e-mail to my brother.
Until next time.
Cx
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Blue Wednesday
It’s days like today I’m really glad of a keyboard & an outlet.
I feel very odd & adrift.
I braved Kingston town centre a little while ago & it was like an out of body experience. Everyone seemed to be happy, rushing, chatting & preparing. I felt like the ghost of Christmas past watching from the sidelines.
It’s not often I think it, let alone admit it, but I could have used some company today.
I have turned up the heating, assumed the foetal position & sought sanctuary in my room with a cup of scalding tea & Gardener’s Question Time. It’s the radio equivalent of comfort food.
Can anyone explain the conversation I overheard between the assistants at Woolworth’s today ?
‘Here Ang – what have you bought Mark for Christmas ?’
‘Animals’
At this point my ears pricked up …
‘I thought he had it already ?’
‘No – this is the new one’
I am completely bemused.
I went to see Bill today to collect some of my boxes from storage.
Entering his house with a hangover would not be possible. Amazing how all kids toys are primary colours isn’t it ? He has transported THE TV that he acquired in NZ over here. ‘CBeebies’ spread over 53” is not easily ignored. .
‘Oh - Wallington UCI ?’ one of his recent guests observed dryly.
‘The TV doesn’t dominate the room though does it ?’ Bill asked.
‘Would you like me to answer no ?’ I replied.
He & his family are renting short-term in Wallington, having returned from NZ a couple of months ago.
I was introduced to Emily, the latest in the Lawrence litter. Bill thought we had already been introduced but I pointed out that when I last saw Linda, Emily was still under construction. Just like Matthew & William she is a very calm, happy & good-looking small person. I have decided Bill puts Prozac in their cereal. It’s just not normal.
Bill doesn’t know it yet, but if ever William decides he’s had enough of his folks, I would take him. There is something totally absorbing about William, I could look at him all day. He has a self-contained aura about him which totally belies his years. I can’t wait til he’s old enough to explain what he did in a former life.
En route to & from the storage unit, we chattered, talking over each other & catching up on each other’s news & said goodbye too soon.
We gazed at the grey, rain-lashed sky as we left his house & I informed him that it had snowed in Blenheim (NZ) on Saturday. I thought he might like to know.
It took me 25 minutes to get to Bill’s today & 50 minutes to return. For no reason that ever became apparent, we just sat & queued at Kingston bypass. I knew that Bill couldn’t have blocked off the road ahead as I’d just left him off-duty. Tuning into the local radio station I was cheerfully informed that
‘Traffic is queuing at the Kingston bypass’
N.S.S. Thanks for the info.
I sat immobile for long minutes in Henry, forced to observe at close-quarters my grimy, ugly surroundings & feeling impossibly hard done by. Ahead of me was the looming monstrosity that is Tolworth Tower. To my right, 2-storey dwellings which are routinely burgled. To my left, a graffiti-strewn railway bridge. In front of the bridge, ‘Lucie’s Café’ a rancid little caravan selling ‘tea’s’. No no no no no - ‘Teas’ plural you stupid woman.
I don’t suppose a single person who drinks tea there even notices.
I felt like Michael Douglas in Falling Down & cast about me searching in vain for something of natural beauty, anywhere.
Air-breathing mammal, underwater.
To cheer myself up, I’m going to share pictures from the night of
Bourbons & latex
This may be the person you speak to when you dial 999
And this might be the person who turns up to deal with your emergency
They never do this on The Bill do they ?
Hannah - A picture for Alice
And one for you Stu, I don't know why you have to be careful ?
Cx :(
It’s days like today I’m really glad of a keyboard & an outlet.
I feel very odd & adrift.
I braved Kingston town centre a little while ago & it was like an out of body experience. Everyone seemed to be happy, rushing, chatting & preparing. I felt like the ghost of Christmas past watching from the sidelines.
It’s not often I think it, let alone admit it, but I could have used some company today.
I have turned up the heating, assumed the foetal position & sought sanctuary in my room with a cup of scalding tea & Gardener’s Question Time. It’s the radio equivalent of comfort food.
Can anyone explain the conversation I overheard between the assistants at Woolworth’s today ?
‘Here Ang – what have you bought Mark for Christmas ?’
‘Animals’
At this point my ears pricked up …
‘I thought he had it already ?’
‘No – this is the new one’
I am completely bemused.
I went to see Bill today to collect some of my boxes from storage.
Entering his house with a hangover would not be possible. Amazing how all kids toys are primary colours isn’t it ? He has transported THE TV that he acquired in NZ over here. ‘CBeebies’ spread over 53” is not easily ignored. .
‘Oh - Wallington UCI ?’ one of his recent guests observed dryly.
‘The TV doesn’t dominate the room though does it ?’ Bill asked.
‘Would you like me to answer no ?’ I replied.
He & his family are renting short-term in Wallington, having returned from NZ a couple of months ago.
I was introduced to Emily, the latest in the Lawrence litter. Bill thought we had already been introduced but I pointed out that when I last saw Linda, Emily was still under construction. Just like Matthew & William she is a very calm, happy & good-looking small person. I have decided Bill puts Prozac in their cereal. It’s just not normal.
Bill doesn’t know it yet, but if ever William decides he’s had enough of his folks, I would take him. There is something totally absorbing about William, I could look at him all day. He has a self-contained aura about him which totally belies his years. I can’t wait til he’s old enough to explain what he did in a former life.
En route to & from the storage unit, we chattered, talking over each other & catching up on each other’s news & said goodbye too soon.
We gazed at the grey, rain-lashed sky as we left his house & I informed him that it had snowed in Blenheim (NZ) on Saturday. I thought he might like to know.
It took me 25 minutes to get to Bill’s today & 50 minutes to return. For no reason that ever became apparent, we just sat & queued at Kingston bypass. I knew that Bill couldn’t have blocked off the road ahead as I’d just left him off-duty. Tuning into the local radio station I was cheerfully informed that
‘Traffic is queuing at the Kingston bypass’
N.S.S. Thanks for the info.
I sat immobile for long minutes in Henry, forced to observe at close-quarters my grimy, ugly surroundings & feeling impossibly hard done by. Ahead of me was the looming monstrosity that is Tolworth Tower. To my right, 2-storey dwellings which are routinely burgled. To my left, a graffiti-strewn railway bridge. In front of the bridge, ‘Lucie’s Café’ a rancid little caravan selling ‘tea’s’. No no no no no - ‘Teas’ plural you stupid woman.
I don’t suppose a single person who drinks tea there even notices.
I felt like Michael Douglas in Falling Down & cast about me searching in vain for something of natural beauty, anywhere.
Air-breathing mammal, underwater.
To cheer myself up, I’m going to share pictures from the night of
Bourbons & latex
Cx :(
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
‘…and did it Myyyyy Waaaaaay’
It’s taken until today for me to face writing abut Friday.
My back is sore from beating myself with birch branches.
Why ?
I had the shakes for 2 whole days.
Here are the facts.
Some, I remember.
Some, have been recounted to me by others.
They are not all the facts, it’s not that kind of Blog.
If it were, I would have loads more readers.
I was ready to let my hair down this year, having endured a terminally dull Christmas party at Trelawney last year.
Andy & I started on the wine at 4pm.
I had decided I needed at least 2 drinks prior to getting into my dress.
I carried on with wine during dinner.
And this is only dinner time. Poor Andy.
I drank a lot of wine because the food was painfully slow to arrive.
Remember I told you about Dave (aka Derv) who says 'I wouldn't pi55 on her gums if her mouth was on fire. This is Derv. I have no idea why we are finding this so funny.
After dinner I switched to vodka.
I don’t drink lots if the music’s good, because I can’t drink & dance.
The music was dreadful.
Put him down Briggsy !
I informed the wife of a very good friend that she had such an impressive cleavage that I could ‘park a motorbike in there’. I’m told she spent the rest of the evening trying to cover it up.
At the end of the night, we wandered around Brighton trying to be admitted to various clubs. We failed.
I invited everyone to the room Stan & I were sharing which was huge and very sumptuous. By now it must have been 0200.
One of those to come to the room was Dominic. Dominic had been bought a bottle of Jack Daniels as his secret Santa present. It was at this point things got ugly.
I remember wrestling Dominic for the JD, winning & downing large portions of it direct from the bottle.
My bedside table. Don't know how the Sprite got there ?
I don’t even like the stuff & have never drunk it as the smell turns my stomach.
Some time later I rolled off the bed I was drinking on, cracking my head on the bedside table. I had to be picked off the floor.
Stan decided it was my bedtime & ordered me to the bathroom to change into my jammies. It was 0400.
I couldn’t walk there & was carried. In a very short dress. Thank God for sensible pants.
Once in the bathroom, I couldn’t work out why my underwear was putting up such a struggle, then realised I hadn’t removed my shoes.
The prolonged crash from the bathroom as I succumbed to gravity brought the question ‘Are you alright ?’
‘I’m ok’ I cheerfully informed everyone ‘Just taking my knickers off’
The next bit comes from Milky
‘You then meandered past everyone in your pj’s & collapsed, the wrong way, onto your bed, without pulling back the duvet & immediately fell asleep’
'The Milky Bar Kid is strong & tough'. He's also qute possibly one of the funniest people I've ever had the good fortune to work with. He also displays sound judgement. Unlike me.
My two favourite quotes from the evening come from Stan & Dominic.
Stan had to buy Keith’s secret Santa gift. He asked me for advice. I told him Keith is always bemoaning the fact that he has no cheese-grater & that he also loves to label things. So ; either a cheese-grater or a label-maker.
Stan turned up at the hotel room, fresh from a long, liquid lunch with Dukies in London. I asked if he’d remembered Keith’s gift ? ‘Yes – look’ he replied, brandishing aloft a cuddly teddy bear. ‘Stan, I told you a cheese-grater or a label-maker, why did you buy a bear ?’
‘Cos I’m pi55ed’ came the cheerful reply, before he tripped over the hidden step & dived onto the bed,
rolling about clutching a faux fur bolster, declaring it very ‘him’.
The second quote was from Dominic who has been working apart from the team for the last few weeks. Julie, who organised the party, has sent numerous e-mails to everyone (including Dominic) always including the day, date, venue & time for the party. We were invited to meet at 1900 to sit down for 1930. At 2000, Dominic, who had still to arrive, sent the following text message to several team members
‘What’s the venue for the Christmas do ?’
The next morning was a flurry of the shakes & abusive phone calls.
Stan called everyone he knew to have a laugh at my expense, Bill was 1st on the list. Bridget, you were in Tauranga, which saved me from someone else laughing at me.
One for you Mr Tanner. The secretive peni5 in his disco garb.
Stan gave me 2 bollockings for licentious & unbecoming behaviour.
Guilty on both counts. It’s a fair cop.
Sorry Murray, yet another gurning Stan, I've asked him to do natural, it just isn't happening.
We wandered into Brighton to find unnecessary carbohydrates. My most testing part of the day was watching Tony & Stan rounding off a cooked breakfast. My shaking hands were clutching toast. Andy didn’t need breakfast, he’d made it down in time for his hotel breakfast which in my opinion shows he just wasn’t trying hard enough the night before.
Why Tony, why ?
And Andy was in the best shape of all of us.
The 4th Beatle
This would be really funny had we found it on Henry, it's only slightly less funny that Stan put it there
We wandered around some more, absorbing fresh air & fielding abusive calls from Bloo & Hx who were watching Spurs-v-Southampton. I was supposed to have been at the game, thank goodness I’d cancelled. Even over a phone line, the noise made me want to weep.
Some hours later we set off home. The best part of the day was when we decided to sing carols on the way up the A23. Andy provided the backing music from his phone, Tony didn’t really enter into the Christmas spirit as he was writing ‘Help – I’ve been kidnapped’ in the condensation in Henry, but Stan & I got stuck into all the seasonal classics. We sang ‘God rest ye merry gentlemen, Silent Night, Away in a Manger & lots of others as well.
The nice thing about a bollocking from Stan is it’s like one of those electric dog collars, short, sharp & over with. He didn’t dwell upon it, despite letting me know in no uncertain terms that he was deeply disappointed in me.
It’s some testament to our friendship that he can let me know I am the spawn of the devil at the beginning of one day, then ring me laughing so hard that he can’t speak, at the beginning of the next. What was he laughing at ? The ‘conversation’ between Murray & I on my Saturday morning blog comments about Stan’s lost camera (it’s not).
‘Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again …’
The reason I was in no position to complain about being the object of scorn for the last 48 hours is partly because I deserved it but mostly because I consider everyone who’s got stuck in, as a friend.
My favourite gems have been the following …
Bill ; What you did is part of living life for now & anyway 24 hours after a
Christmas do, everything you did is null & void.
Angie ; Oh well, it is Christmas.
Milky ; You say ‘lust-fuelled stunt-woman’ like it’s a bad thing.
My advice on how to live your life is ‘Nothing I can do about it now’
which seems to pi55 off those around me, but works.
Hx ; Can I be a bridesmaid ? And can we have a Little Bo Peep theme ?
Bridget ; You go girl.
Bloo ; Tomorrow’s chip-paper.
Trudy ; Ha ha ha !
Weeny ; ** censored **
So, in summing up, the carefully cultivated air of professional dignity I have been preserving at work, has been blown in one drunken, rowdy evening. I have apologised to the person whose wife’s cleavage I commented on. I haven’t had a reply yet. I am prepared to make another apology on Thursday when I next have to go to work.
Murray – Remember when we talked about the kind of people who make you leave work socials ? I was that person.
Next year I will be teetotal & wearing a burkha.
On the plus side ? My secret santa gift was a JCB digger. It has a grader as well as a digger attachment :) It’s the only secret santa gift I’ve ever wanted to keep.
Cx
It’s taken until today for me to face writing abut Friday.
My back is sore from beating myself with birch branches.
I had the shakes for 2 whole days.
Here are the facts.
Some, I remember.
Some, have been recounted to me by others.
They are not all the facts, it’s not that kind of Blog.
If it were, I would have loads more readers.
I was ready to let my hair down this year, having endured a terminally dull Christmas party at Trelawney last year.
Andy & I started on the wine at 4pm.
I had decided I needed at least 2 drinks prior to getting into my dress.
I carried on with wine during dinner.
I drank a lot of wine because the food was painfully slow to arrive.
After dinner I switched to vodka.
I don’t drink lots if the music’s good, because I can’t drink & dance.
The music was dreadful.
I informed the wife of a very good friend that she had such an impressive cleavage that I could ‘park a motorbike in there’. I’m told she spent the rest of the evening trying to cover it up.
At the end of the night, we wandered around Brighton trying to be admitted to various clubs. We failed.
I invited everyone to the room Stan & I were sharing which was huge and very sumptuous. By now it must have been 0200.
One of those to come to the room was Dominic. Dominic had been bought a bottle of Jack Daniels as his secret Santa present. It was at this point things got ugly.
I remember wrestling Dominic for the JD, winning & downing large portions of it direct from the bottle.
I don’t even like the stuff & have never drunk it as the smell turns my stomach.
Some time later I rolled off the bed I was drinking on, cracking my head on the bedside table. I had to be picked off the floor.
Stan decided it was my bedtime & ordered me to the bathroom to change into my jammies. It was 0400.
I couldn’t walk there & was carried. In a very short dress. Thank God for sensible pants.
Once in the bathroom, I couldn’t work out why my underwear was putting up such a struggle, then realised I hadn’t removed my shoes.
The prolonged crash from the bathroom as I succumbed to gravity brought the question ‘Are you alright ?’
‘I’m ok’ I cheerfully informed everyone ‘Just taking my knickers off’
The next bit comes from Milky
‘You then meandered past everyone in your pj’s & collapsed, the wrong way, onto your bed, without pulling back the duvet & immediately fell asleep’
My two favourite quotes from the evening come from Stan & Dominic.
Stan had to buy Keith’s secret Santa gift. He asked me for advice. I told him Keith is always bemoaning the fact that he has no cheese-grater & that he also loves to label things. So ; either a cheese-grater or a label-maker.
Stan turned up at the hotel room, fresh from a long, liquid lunch with Dukies in London. I asked if he’d remembered Keith’s gift ? ‘Yes – look’ he replied, brandishing aloft a cuddly teddy bear. ‘Stan, I told you a cheese-grater or a label-maker, why did you buy a bear ?’
‘Cos I’m pi55ed’ came the cheerful reply, before he tripped over the hidden step & dived onto the bed,
rolling about clutching a faux fur bolster, declaring it very ‘him’.
The second quote was from Dominic who has been working apart from the team for the last few weeks. Julie, who organised the party, has sent numerous e-mails to everyone (including Dominic) always including the day, date, venue & time for the party. We were invited to meet at 1900 to sit down for 1930. At 2000, Dominic, who had still to arrive, sent the following text message to several team members
‘What’s the venue for the Christmas do ?’
The next morning was a flurry of the shakes & abusive phone calls.
Stan called everyone he knew to have a laugh at my expense, Bill was 1st on the list. Bridget, you were in Tauranga, which saved me from someone else laughing at me.
Stan gave me 2 bollockings for licentious & unbecoming behaviour.
Guilty on both counts. It’s a fair cop.
We wandered into Brighton to find unnecessary carbohydrates. My most testing part of the day was watching Tony & Stan rounding off a cooked breakfast. My shaking hands were clutching toast. Andy didn’t need breakfast, he’d made it down in time for his hotel breakfast which in my opinion shows he just wasn’t trying hard enough the night before.
We wandered around some more, absorbing fresh air & fielding abusive calls from Bloo & Hx who were watching Spurs-v-Southampton. I was supposed to have been at the game, thank goodness I’d cancelled. Even over a phone line, the noise made me want to weep.
Some hours later we set off home. The best part of the day was when we decided to sing carols on the way up the A23. Andy provided the backing music from his phone, Tony didn’t really enter into the Christmas spirit as he was writing ‘Help – I’ve been kidnapped’ in the condensation in Henry, but Stan & I got stuck into all the seasonal classics. We sang ‘God rest ye merry gentlemen, Silent Night, Away in a Manger & lots of others as well.
The nice thing about a bollocking from Stan is it’s like one of those electric dog collars, short, sharp & over with. He didn’t dwell upon it, despite letting me know in no uncertain terms that he was deeply disappointed in me.
It’s some testament to our friendship that he can let me know I am the spawn of the devil at the beginning of one day, then ring me laughing so hard that he can’t speak, at the beginning of the next. What was he laughing at ? The ‘conversation’ between Murray & I on my Saturday morning blog comments about Stan’s lost camera (it’s not).
The reason I was in no position to complain about being the object of scorn for the last 48 hours is partly because I deserved it but mostly because I consider everyone who’s got stuck in, as a friend.
My favourite gems have been the following …
Bill ; What you did is part of living life for now & anyway 24 hours after a
Christmas do, everything you did is null & void.
Angie ; Oh well, it is Christmas.
Milky ; You say ‘lust-fuelled stunt-woman’ like it’s a bad thing.
My advice on how to live your life is ‘Nothing I can do about it now’
which seems to pi55 off those around me, but works.
Hx ; Can I be a bridesmaid ? And can we have a Little Bo Peep theme ?
Bridget ; You go girl.
Bloo ; Tomorrow’s chip-paper.
Trudy ; Ha ha ha !
Weeny ; ** censored **
So, in summing up, the carefully cultivated air of professional dignity I have been preserving at work, has been blown in one drunken, rowdy evening. I have apologised to the person whose wife’s cleavage I commented on. I haven’t had a reply yet. I am prepared to make another apology on Thursday when I next have to go to work.
Murray – Remember when we talked about the kind of people who make you leave work socials ? I was that person.
Next year I will be teetotal & wearing a burkha.
On the plus side ? My secret santa gift was a JCB digger. It has a grader as well as a digger attachment :) It’s the only secret santa gift I’ve ever wanted to keep.
Cx
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Bourbons & latex
I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts this week & wasn’t really sure why. I couldn’t put it entirely down to my usual, painful, monthly re-shuffle of impacted wisdom teeth.
Returning from my ride this afternoon feeling, happy & rested if a little cold, I realised it was just that I hadn’t had enough fresh air or daylight. I won’t pretend I wanted to get out of bed at midday but as I basked in the warm, wintry sunlight on Headley Heath this afternoon, I was so glad I had.
The rain was battering on the window this morning as I retired to bed & I had serious misgivings about riding at all. But during the drive to the stables the sun came out & by the time I had tacked up & was ready to go, I was pleasantly warm.
I rode Hannah today; she is a beautiful 16.2hh bay mare. (I will find & publish a photo for you tomorrow Alice) She is a typical mare; capricious & frequently unpredictable but so lovely on the rare days when she is amenable that I can forgive her anything. She used to routinely walk away from me in her box when I tried to tack her up, swinging her quarters toward me & threatening a kick.
We have come to an understanding since I worked with the mental yearlings though. She understands that it’s rude to turn her back on me & that she gets a slap for doing it. She doesn’t do it any more.
She has just been clipped out for winter & her usually bright chestnut coat is gone, replaced by a shiny, suede-feeling finish.
It may seem odd that horses are clipped in winter but if they weren’t their coats wouldn’t dry quickly after sweating during exercise, rendering them susceptible to chills. And just because we’re human & like to totally confuse them, we then make them wear assorted rugs to keep them warm, once we’ve removed their own coats.
There is never a time when Headley Heath doesn’t look lovely but today I was especially entranced. Perhaps it was the ‘wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark, go home in the dark’ routine I’ve been following, but the Heath was a particularly welcome assault on my senses.
My last session of neddy-pestering was very pleasant but the neddy I rode then, in no way compared to Hannah. I really enjoyed meandering around the Heath this afternoon, chatting away to her. One ear permanently cocked in my direction indicated she was listening. What more can you ask for in a companion ?
I saw green woodpeckers, Highland cattle, pheasant, and a very fat yellow Labrador who waddled determinedly towards Hannah, an ingratiating grin plastered all over his face. This was despite his owner’s determined shouting of ‘Stay, stay, stay …’ which then became ‘Stay ?’
Luckily, due to the fact that she owns a vociferous pack of barmy canines , June’s horses are all totally dog-proof, but it was kind of the owner to at least attempt to keep him away. As a Labrador, he was probably only investigating Hannah as a potential food-source.
I went back to bed after riding to grab a couple more hours & awoke to something horrible happening to Cathy on the Archers. I won’t spoil it for the Tanners who may not have listened yet, suffice it to say, it was very chilling & scared the hell out of me. That voice. Let me know when you’ve listened (or read about it) Michelle.
Last night was a very funny shift at work. Come 0400, things had dropped off sufficiently for us to start casting around for entertainment. Only anyone who has routinely worked a night shift will understand the hysteria brought on by an oxygen-starved brain in the small hours.
It started with latex gloves of the variety used by the officers to search prisoners. We (Andy & I) got to wondering if we could stretch them sufficiently to pull them over our heads then inflate them, condom-style.
We could.
Variations on a theme followed, until we had exhausted our imaginations.
We then called upon Milky, whose imagination knows no bounds & indulged in a glove-fest, followed by a chocolate-bourbon eating competition. I managed to cram 3 whole, unbroken bourbons in my mouth, which I thought very credible until Milky managed 4 and closed his mouth. Very impressive. Andy managed a pitiful ONE and was dry-retching at even that. Pathetic.
I thought I’d take in my camera tonight & share with you.
Here’s hoping the criminals lay low after 0400.
On Friday night, it’s our works Christmas do. I can hardly wait.
Cx
I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts this week & wasn’t really sure why. I couldn’t put it entirely down to my usual, painful, monthly re-shuffle of impacted wisdom teeth.
Returning from my ride this afternoon feeling, happy & rested if a little cold, I realised it was just that I hadn’t had enough fresh air or daylight. I won’t pretend I wanted to get out of bed at midday but as I basked in the warm, wintry sunlight on Headley Heath this afternoon, I was so glad I had.
The rain was battering on the window this morning as I retired to bed & I had serious misgivings about riding at all. But during the drive to the stables the sun came out & by the time I had tacked up & was ready to go, I was pleasantly warm.
I rode Hannah today; she is a beautiful 16.2hh bay mare. (I will find & publish a photo for you tomorrow Alice) She is a typical mare; capricious & frequently unpredictable but so lovely on the rare days when she is amenable that I can forgive her anything. She used to routinely walk away from me in her box when I tried to tack her up, swinging her quarters toward me & threatening a kick.
We have come to an understanding since I worked with the mental yearlings though. She understands that it’s rude to turn her back on me & that she gets a slap for doing it. She doesn’t do it any more.
She has just been clipped out for winter & her usually bright chestnut coat is gone, replaced by a shiny, suede-feeling finish.
It may seem odd that horses are clipped in winter but if they weren’t their coats wouldn’t dry quickly after sweating during exercise, rendering them susceptible to chills. And just because we’re human & like to totally confuse them, we then make them wear assorted rugs to keep them warm, once we’ve removed their own coats.
There is never a time when Headley Heath doesn’t look lovely but today I was especially entranced. Perhaps it was the ‘wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark, go home in the dark’ routine I’ve been following, but the Heath was a particularly welcome assault on my senses.
My last session of neddy-pestering was very pleasant but the neddy I rode then, in no way compared to Hannah. I really enjoyed meandering around the Heath this afternoon, chatting away to her. One ear permanently cocked in my direction indicated she was listening. What more can you ask for in a companion ?
I saw green woodpeckers, Highland cattle, pheasant, and a very fat yellow Labrador who waddled determinedly towards Hannah, an ingratiating grin plastered all over his face. This was despite his owner’s determined shouting of ‘Stay, stay, stay …’ which then became ‘Stay ?’
Luckily, due to the fact that she owns a vociferous pack of barmy canines , June’s horses are all totally dog-proof, but it was kind of the owner to at least attempt to keep him away. As a Labrador, he was probably only investigating Hannah as a potential food-source.
I went back to bed after riding to grab a couple more hours & awoke to something horrible happening to Cathy on the Archers. I won’t spoil it for the Tanners who may not have listened yet, suffice it to say, it was very chilling & scared the hell out of me. That voice. Let me know when you’ve listened (or read about it) Michelle.
Last night was a very funny shift at work. Come 0400, things had dropped off sufficiently for us to start casting around for entertainment. Only anyone who has routinely worked a night shift will understand the hysteria brought on by an oxygen-starved brain in the small hours.
It started with latex gloves of the variety used by the officers to search prisoners. We (Andy & I) got to wondering if we could stretch them sufficiently to pull them over our heads then inflate them, condom-style.
We could.
Variations on a theme followed, until we had exhausted our imaginations.
We then called upon Milky, whose imagination knows no bounds & indulged in a glove-fest, followed by a chocolate-bourbon eating competition. I managed to cram 3 whole, unbroken bourbons in my mouth, which I thought very credible until Milky managed 4 and closed his mouth. Very impressive. Andy managed a pitiful ONE and was dry-retching at even that. Pathetic.
I thought I’d take in my camera tonight & share with you.
Here’s hoping the criminals lay low after 0400.
On Friday night, it’s our works Christmas do. I can hardly wait.
Cx
Sunday, December 12, 2004
'Your modem is already in use by another source'
... or so my screen at home tells me.
So here I am in an Internet Cafe with common people :(
Lats night someone at work asked me
'What's the nicest thing a boyfriend's ever done for you ?'
I told them to sod off & mind their own business cos I'm like that at work.
The I got to thinking.
I can only narrow it down to 2, both by the same person, which says something.
The 1st was when he arranged my surprise 30th birthday party and it actually WAS a surprise. Right up until the point when I recognised Angie's car in the restaurant car park. I'm a bit sad in as much as I remember number plates you see. Have you ever been to a party where everyone there has turned up as a surprise ? Wonderful.
The other was a surprise trip to Verona for an anniversary.
He packed a bag (with appropriate clothing too) & my passport & it was only when we arrived at the airport that I knew we were going anywhere. We went to the opera at an outdoor amphitheatre. It was wonderful up until the point where the gurly cast quit due to the torrential rain. Weather conditions aside, a fantasticaly thoughtful gesture.
So (you're ahead of me aren't you ?)
What I want to know is, what's the best surprise you've had from a partner ?
Please, no 'baby' answers because it's a cop-out. I want to know about a 'something' rather than a 'someone'. Clear ? Good.
Work was fantasticaly busy on Friday night, then very quiet last night.
Score so far ? Burglars - 0 Old Bill - 1
Cx
ps. 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' returned to Radio 4 today, it's so good I set the alarm for midday to listen. That's why I'm awake now. Do me a favour - listen to it, just once.
... or so my screen at home tells me.
So here I am in an Internet Cafe with common people :(
Lats night someone at work asked me
'What's the nicest thing a boyfriend's ever done for you ?'
I told them to sod off & mind their own business cos I'm like that at work.
The I got to thinking.
I can only narrow it down to 2, both by the same person, which says something.
The 1st was when he arranged my surprise 30th birthday party and it actually WAS a surprise. Right up until the point when I recognised Angie's car in the restaurant car park. I'm a bit sad in as much as I remember number plates you see. Have you ever been to a party where everyone there has turned up as a surprise ? Wonderful.
The other was a surprise trip to Verona for an anniversary.
He packed a bag (with appropriate clothing too) & my passport & it was only when we arrived at the airport that I knew we were going anywhere. We went to the opera at an outdoor amphitheatre. It was wonderful up until the point where the gurly cast quit due to the torrential rain. Weather conditions aside, a fantasticaly thoughtful gesture.
So (you're ahead of me aren't you ?)
What I want to know is, what's the best surprise you've had from a partner ?
Please, no 'baby' answers because it's a cop-out. I want to know about a 'something' rather than a 'someone'. Clear ? Good.
Work was fantasticaly busy on Friday night, then very quiet last night.
Score so far ? Burglars - 0 Old Bill - 1
Cx
ps. 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' returned to Radio 4 today, it's so good I set the alarm for midday to listen. That's why I'm awake now. Do me a favour - listen to it, just once.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Fresh air solves everything
Despite trying to stay awake yesterday, I gave up the ghost at 1700 & went to bed for a 'quick nap' I awoke at midnight, bright eyed & didn't succumb again until 0400. Luckily Milky's always on NZ time so he kept me company via text. If that reads oddly, it's Milky (aka The Milky Bar Kid) not Milky (Milkmaid). Clear ? Good.
After filling the washing machine numerous times (I kept removing the clean, wet clothes, so that's ok) I decided I could shake off some of my lethargy by going 'outside'.
After a quick visit to the bank, I headed off to Bushy Park on the bike for a 2 hour meander around the park. Bushy is the closest I can do to countryside without getting in the car.
I saw the new ice rink they have put in at Hampton Court & lots of very proficient skaters.
I saw these, which I think are beautiful.
And in the park I paused to watch this lady.
She was trying to keep the seagulls at bay, whilst feeding the bread at the swans with signets. She was fighting a losing battle. The Canada goose you see, approached me very brazenly & decided my amber ring looked edible. He tried, very determinedly, to remove it from my finger, despite my attempts to explain it wasn't.
I felt much better, as usual, for being outdoors, came home & slept for a few more hours, prior to work, which is where I'm heading in 30 minutes. Hopefully the cold weather will keep the bad guys indoors. I'm looking forward to work, it will be good to catch up with the news & having spent 3 weeks with other people, doing lots, I've found it a bit odd to be 'home alone' Sharon's in South Africa.
Hx, got your message, running a bit late, having done this, will call you from work if that's ok ?
Oh yes, I knew there was something.
Remember yesterday & my 6.5 hour odyssey to get home thanks to the A3 being closed ?
Guess who closed it ?
Bill.
'Bi-ill !'
Cx
Despite trying to stay awake yesterday, I gave up the ghost at 1700 & went to bed for a 'quick nap' I awoke at midnight, bright eyed & didn't succumb again until 0400. Luckily Milky's always on NZ time so he kept me company via text. If that reads oddly, it's Milky (aka The Milky Bar Kid) not Milky (Milkmaid). Clear ? Good.
After filling the washing machine numerous times (I kept removing the clean, wet clothes, so that's ok) I decided I could shake off some of my lethargy by going 'outside'.
After a quick visit to the bank, I headed off to Bushy Park on the bike for a 2 hour meander around the park. Bushy is the closest I can do to countryside without getting in the car.
I saw the new ice rink they have put in at Hampton Court & lots of very proficient skaters.
I saw these, which I think are beautiful.
And in the park I paused to watch this lady.
She was trying to keep the seagulls at bay, whilst feeding the bread at the swans with signets. She was fighting a losing battle. The Canada goose you see, approached me very brazenly & decided my amber ring looked edible. He tried, very determinedly, to remove it from my finger, despite my attempts to explain it wasn't.
I felt much better, as usual, for being outdoors, came home & slept for a few more hours, prior to work, which is where I'm heading in 30 minutes. Hopefully the cold weather will keep the bad guys indoors. I'm looking forward to work, it will be good to catch up with the news & having spent 3 weeks with other people, doing lots, I've found it a bit odd to be 'home alone' Sharon's in South Africa.
Hx, got your message, running a bit late, having done this, will call you from work if that's ok ?
Oh yes, I knew there was something.
Remember yesterday & my 6.5 hour odyssey to get home thanks to the A3 being closed ?
Guess who closed it ?
Bill.
'Bi-ill !'
Cx
I'm back.
I don't want to be. Enough on that.
It's 0234 in the morning, so what else would I be doing other than blogging ?
See www.bloo4u.blogspot.com (can anyone explain to me how I do those links where if you clicked on what I've just typed, it takes you directly there?) for details of my unbelievable journey home from Heathrow to Kingston. Thank you Bloo, for making it bearable and even funny. You're right, you didn't go far enought down the embankment.
I received a goodbye card from Cedar Lodge. There was a picture of Mt Cook on the outside. This was written inside ;
'Find enclosed the following token ; Hei-Matua ; Fish hook.
It represents strength & determination. It brings peace and prosperity,
abundance and good luck. It also provides a safe journey over water, a
little late perhaps !
There is however an alternative meaning specially for you.
First, it will provide you with a direct link to us here at Cedar Lodge.
It is fashioned from 'your tree'. The scorch marks are genuine !
Second, it is in the form of a hook. We know New Zealand has hooked
into you. This will ensure we can reel you in and bring you home.'
Eric, it is quite possibly one of the most touching & thoughtful gifts
I have ever received. I have told you before, I know, how much I envy
people skilled enough to work wood. The longevity & 'touchability' of
wood makes it something that brings me much satisfaction.
Knowing where the wood comes from proves that even from an incident
which caused me so much upset can come something beautiful and long-lasting.
Thank you, it eases the blow.
Cx
I don't want to be. Enough on that.
It's 0234 in the morning, so what else would I be doing other than blogging ?
See www.bloo4u.blogspot.com (can anyone explain to me how I do those links where if you clicked on what I've just typed, it takes you directly there?) for details of my unbelievable journey home from Heathrow to Kingston. Thank you Bloo, for making it bearable and even funny. You're right, you didn't go far enought down the embankment.
I received a goodbye card from Cedar Lodge. There was a picture of Mt Cook on the outside. This was written inside ;
'Find enclosed the following token ; Hei-Matua ; Fish hook.
It represents strength & determination. It brings peace and prosperity,
abundance and good luck. It also provides a safe journey over water, a
little late perhaps !
There is however an alternative meaning specially for you.
First, it will provide you with a direct link to us here at Cedar Lodge.
It is fashioned from 'your tree'. The scorch marks are genuine !
Second, it is in the form of a hook. We know New Zealand has hooked
into you. This will ensure we can reel you in and bring you home.'
Eric, it is quite possibly one of the most touching & thoughtful gifts
I have ever received. I have told you before, I know, how much I envy
people skilled enough to work wood. The longevity & 'touchability' of
wood makes it something that brings me much satisfaction.
Knowing where the wood comes from proves that even from an incident
which caused me so much upset can come something beautiful and long-lasting.
Thank you, it eases the blow.
Cx
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
2,700 ks, The South Island, Mal, Murray, Mike, Life, Death & Other Big Stuff.
Lupins and water - how can you go wrong ?
Reader warning, there's lots here, make sure you've been to the loo & are sitting comfortably, failing that, tackle it over a few days.
I’m a bit daunted to tell the truth, much as I love writing, I hardly know where to start. Think I’ll post all the writing first then add photos as & when. (Some photos added now, more to follow over the next couple of days)
So I’ve had breakfast, MSN’d with Bloo & Hx, greeted the Tanners & now I have no more excuses. Listening to Brooke Fraser (more of which later)
Michelle’s typically robust greeting to me this morning was …
‘You’ve got crap timing you have, I’ve been at home for 5 days & now you’re back I’m not here all day.’
‘Morning Michelle, not too bad thanks’
I did get a huge hug so that’s alright.
I’ll start with yesterday if that’s ok?
Murray saved me a bus journey by taking me on the 90 minute journey from Nelson to Picton. The stumpy one came to keep us company, which I was pleased about as I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to her. I’m not great with goodbyes.
'Look Murray, she won't let me go'
Arriving promptly at the InterIslander counter I noticed the weather indicator jammed as far right as it would go, marking a place on the dial called ‘Vomitarama’. The worried looking lady told me I wasn’t sailing as it was too rough. She must have thought I didn’t understand as I replied with a cheery ‘ok then’. Truth be told, I had such a godawful crossing to Picton that I was in no hurry to repeat it.
She asked me to return at 1pm as she hoped they would be sailing then.
I informed a disbelieving Murray, who looked very taken aback. I think it had just dawned on him that he had to entertain me for another 90 mins. We found some lunch & took it to one of my favourite places in the Whole World ; Queen Charlotte Drive.
Once there, we ate, then sprawled in the sun on the picnic benches talking about how often as a kid you nearly die whilst playing in places you have specifically been told are dangerous.
I had taken elaborate precautions to avoid strap marks whilst here because I have to wear a gurl’s dress for an upcoming Xmas party. Murray, you will be amused to know that all my careful covering up went by the wayside as I now sport both strap marks and the most fetching panda-eyes from my sunglasses.
I wondered why the cashier looked at me oddly in Tongariri last night until I caught my reflection in the mirror. Very attention-grabbing.
Re-presenting myself back at the ferry counter I noticed the gauge had moved from ‘Vomitarama’ to ‘Rough’.
‘How is it out there ?’ I asked faintly of the cashier.
‘Conditions are easing’ she replied, showing diplomatic skills I could only later marvel at.
Murray & I said our farewells with vague plans of kayaking Milford Sounds next time, in the meantime remember Murray ‘If you can’t pronounce it, you probably shouldn’t paddle it’ For an antisocial bugger Murray is remarkably easy company & I found all the time we spent together very restful. There Murray, that should open the door wide to stalkersville ;) I look forward to our next meeting. In the meantime, the best thing about Blogs is you’re not stuck with that awful ‘Keep in touch’ thing that people say at goodbyes.
I have an idea about the CD, I will e-mail you.
The crossing is best left to your imagination, suffice it to say it wasn’t as bad as last time (when you’ve done 6 metre swells, 3 metres is for pussies). Just at the point I thought we would never arrive I noticed a squiggle of movement in the sea to my left. As I looked closer I saw it was a dolphin, closer examination revealed 4 more. I watched them for a total of perhaps 6 seconds before they disappeared but it was enough.
Initially I wanted to shout out but 2 things prevented me. Firstly, the Kiwi to my left had been speaking in very knowledgeable terms about the sea & I suspected he may be a sailor who would possibly be underwhelmed to be grabbed by a lunatic yelling ‘Look, look !’ Secondly and for far more selfish reasons I wanted to hug my sighting close to myself & leave the general world oblivious to what I alone had seen.
(Murray, they were grey, quite small, with a light grey slash along their flanks. Were these duskies ?)
I spent the next 90 minutes scanning the seas hoping to get a repeat viewing but it wasn’t to be. I firmly believe things happen for a reason & if I had taken the 1130 crossing I may not have seen dolphins. It fulfils a wish I have always had & I was very sad to be leaving NZ again without having seen a dolphin. The 3 hours & 30 minutes of nausea was completely justified by that 6 second sighting.
During my crossing I was liaising with Cedar Lodge asking bus times up the island. Eric replied that there was a bus which left Welly at 1950 & got into Tirau at 0400. He said he was more than happy to come get me. Lunatic.
Luckily, I remembered something Milky’s Mum had said about Avis. She had told me that if you dropped off a car for them at Auckland airport, you could hire one for $20 plus fuel. Sure enough they had one available, so with huge relief at not having to wake Eric at ‘Ohmygod’ I piled into it, braved the 5 minute traffic jam & headed North & the 500ks between me & my bed.
I must say here, if you’re planning to visit NZ, don’t bother with ‘RoughGuide’, ‘Lonely Planet’ or any such nonsense, just have Milky’s Mum’s telephone number available. What she doesn’t know, isn’t worth knowing. Not only did she save my hide with Avis (I couldn’t have afforded a ‘normal’ rental), but she also texted me the day that NZ Vodafone were doing a limited text top-up, thus gaining me $40 worth of credit for $20. I don’t know how I can repay your kindness (except by putting up Milky on her OE, which is a given) but if I can, don’t hesitate to ask.
ps. I haven’t eaten it yet – impressed ?
pps. RIP – Fishy.
The drive North was initially a bit hairy, I hadn’t slept at all on the ferry, thinking I could sleep the whole journey on the bus. Wrong. So I set off feeling green & very tired & having driven
(joned at the point by the feral one, looking sleepy & gorgeous)
2200 ks in 4 days. The last thing I felt like doing was driving.
The first 4 hours were pretty hairy & I owe you Bloo, for keeping me awake with texts of the ‘where are you now ?’ variety. Unfortunately my battery gave up the ghost at 10pm, leaving me with another 2 hours to do alone. I stopped at Tongariro & downed 2 Red Bulls. I hate the taste but man does that stuff give me a kick.
After that I listened to ZM - LOUD & hugged the tail-lights of one of the huge rigs which dominate State Highway 1 & the desert road at night time. I hitched a tow & shared his halogen. I am indebted to the driver, I think he knew why I was sticking with him & every 50ks or so he would give me a left & a right on the indicator stalks & when I replied in turn he would give me a blast on the air-horn. When our paths diverged at the sign for Hamilton he stuck his arm out & waved. I love truckers.
I was initially disappointed to be driving alongside Lake Taupo in the dark but my disappointment gave way to joy when I saw the Xmas lights in Taupo. Bloo, they were beautiful. Where else in the world would their Xmas lights feature a blue trout blowing white air bubbles ? I drove through
Taupo and saw the camp site remembering the ‘you smell nice’ night, with a silly grin plastered on my face.
I arrived at Cedar Lodge far earlier than I had aniticipated (0030) which made 500ks in 6 ½ hours which I was pretty impressed with given I was trying to conserve fuel. I suppose slipstreaming the rig for 200ks may have helped ?
The last 2 hours were thoroughly enjoyable, deserted roads, & the by-now familiar tug on my heart at seeing the place names which bring me joy. The mixture of loud music & taurine had me absolutely buzzing & as I turned into the driveway at Cedar Lodge I felt like anything other than sleep. It must be how 330VK feels all the time. However I unpacked Humpy, texted my safe arrival to concerned parties, located my night things & lay down to listen to Drops of Jupiter. I rehearsed this entry as I dozed off on clean, cool sheets.
Now – where to start on my South Island road-trip ?
Bear with me please, what I don’t want to do is replicate the journey including every place, what I thought of it & where to stay. There are books which do that better. This will be the highs, lows, thoughts & observations, along with a brief outline of where we went.
This is what we did the evening before we set off.
Mal helps out renovating these, which is why I had permission to sit on & play.
Bad hair, good dozer
Mr Deere's finest
My mate Mal
Wednesday. Day 1. Picton. Westport. Greymouth. Hokitika. Franz Josef Glacier
Distance covered = 500ks.
Fruit jellies.
Headed off from Picton in the Toyota Corolla rental car. Typical Japanese car, superbly engineered, handled like it was on rails & automatic, which I normally hate but for these kinds of distances was perfect. Shuddered when Mal produced his license to the rental girl. His driving is adequate for farm work but I resolved to keep him out of the driver’s seat at any expense.
Perfect driving weather (as long as you have a/c) saw us arriving at Franz Josef at 1900. I was thoroughly taken aback at the beauty of Franz Josef, I don’t really know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. The town lies nestled in the valley to the lee of the glacier & after a very pleasant evening meal in town we walked the mile or so back to the motel. It was wonderful & hauntingly eerie to look out of the window from my bed & see the huge forms, looming benignly over the town. I went to sleep that night feeling enveloped & protected by the glaciers.
Thursday. Day 2. Fox Glacier. Mt.Aspiring. Lake Wanaka. Lake Hawea. Queenstown. TSS Earnslaw. Lake Wakapitu. Cromwell. Alexandra.
Distance covered = 1,000 ks.
Chocolate caramels.
The early morning torrents put paid to our plans to walk on the glacier so we headed off, aiming for Queenstown & further depending on the sailing times of the Earnslaw. Note. If you’re planning on visiting the glaciers, budget $100 for a helicopter ride over them. I was sad that I didn’t have the cash to do it. Note to self ; on a roadtrip charge your camera battery regardless
of whether you think it needs it or not. The battery died at Queenstown leaving me without a camera for the most beautiful lake I have ever seen, namely Hawea. Photos of Wanaka to follow, which was almost as good.
Weeny, it's probably best if you don't look at these
Queenstown was as I expected, not my cup of tea. It’s in a geographically beautiful setting but is full of adrenaline-seeking dudes & just too many people in general. The business owners are exploiting the natural beauty around them, which I suppose I can’t condemn, I just wish they weren’t so in your face about it.
It looks lovely doesn't it ? And it would be if so many people didn't go there.
We took a ride on the TSS Earnslaw (Twin Screw Steamer, in case you were wondering ?) across Lake Wakatipu. It was $37 extremely well-spent, very comfortable (I wish ferries were this heavy to punch through waves rather than bob around on them) & lovely & warm thanks to the steam funnel. At the far end of the lake was one of the most beautiful homesteads I have ever seen, in a pretty sheltered bay. Imagine a Kiwi building, cream clapper-board, red tin roof, so far so Kiwi. Then envisage the most meltingly fluid English cottage garden surrounding it. Quite lovely.
You have to envisage it, because my battery was dead.
As we disembarked, we were hindered on the gang-plank by the ubiquitous lost Japanese tourists huddled together waiting for their leader. I figured the best way not to get included in a fight was to disassociate myself from Mal as he complained loudly about them. The terms ‘slit-eye’ & ‘nips’ were the most inoffensive I can reproduce here. I don’t for one minute think it’s just him. That generation, my Gran included, refer happily to ‘Paki shops’ unaware that it’s just not acceptable. It can only get better as time moves on.
We stayed the night in Alexandra in an immaculate motel. Alexandra is memorable only for the fact that it briefly put a stick in the spokes of my love-affair with NZ. Mal returned from the shop with fish that … SMELLED OF WEE ! Wanting not to believe my sense of smell, I tasted it & unfortunately the smell was replicated in the taste. I know that reads oddly & there will be those of you wanting to know how I know what wee tastes like. I do not have a satisfactory answer.
Friday. Day 3. Roxburgh. Lawrence. Milton. Dunedin. Palmerston. Oamaru. Omarama. Twizel. Mt.Cook. Lake Pukaki. Lake Tekapo. Fairlie. Geraldine.
Distance covered = 1757ks.
Spearmint chews
My favourite day. Hated Dunedin (hard because Mal lived there) hated it for no other reason than it’s a city & if you want cities, England does them better. Unless it’s Leicester. Which is a toilet. Where was I ? Twizel was extremely pretty & the perfect aperitif for my most uplifting experience of the whole trip, Mt Cook.
Mal & I had some very different ideas about what was worth seeing. He thought I would like to see every dam on every lake. After 6 in the 1st day I had to explain that I didn’t, which was a bit hard as I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
As we approached Mt Cook and I indicated for the road to take us directly there, Mal explained that I didn’t need to drive to it, I could see it from the road. I said firmly that I definitely wanted to get close as this was my most pressing reason to re-visit the South Island.
‘O-kaay’ he compromised, with a hint of ‘You’ll be disappointed’ in his tone.
From far away I realised Mt Cook was something special. The approach road offers heart-achingly beautiful vistas across Lake Pukaki, which is the most unnatural shade of brilliant turquoise.
The closer I got, the more choked I became. I turned off the radio to try discourage Mal from talking over it. He didn’t take the hint & commenced a long & involved story about a guy shooting a rabbit. I very much wanted to ask him to be quiet. At ‘Peter’s lookout’ I left the warmth of the car to stand in the icy wind gusting across the lake. I couldn’t control the tears by this point. I had never before seen anything more beautiful.
'I can't decide which picture I like best...'
'...so you have to look at them all ...'
'...and it's MY blog so there ...'
Mal left the car to stand next to me & continue the rabbit story. I have never wanted to be alone more. I will return alone next time. Unless it’s with a climbing party, to get a better look.
I asked Mal why he seemed unmoved by something which caused such profound feelings in me. He replied that he had seen it before. Thinking that maybe the impact would reduce with subsequent viewings I asked when he had last seen it. ‘1958’ was the reply.
I suppose it either hits you or it doesn’t.
Mal is very impressed with man-made things, like the dams & the road we drove on. For me, nothing that we make can come close the beauty of the natural world. (Having re-read this bit I forgot about Black Hawks, Fireblades & tractors)
Big thoughts
Someone told me recently that when they saw awe-inspiring sights in nature it made them more prone to believing in a god. It’s the exact opposite for me. The diversity & strength of the natural world proves to me that no one being, no matter how supposedly powerful, could have had any part in producing it. I rejoice in the feeling that no matter how destructive our contact with the flora & fauna around it, it’s nature that prevails. By that I don’t mean we can afford to be reckless, just that the process of ecology is more powerful than anything we can ever hope to achieve.
In the 5 uninterrupted minutes I had with my thoughts & Mt Cook I sucked it all in, desperate not to lose the clarity it offered me. It feels kind of foolish to replicate how I felt from the peace & calm of the Tanner’s sitting room but I will be honest & say how it made me feel. I felt complete, at peace and wondered how I had been moments before seeing the mountain. My emotions at leaving Mt Cook were very mixed. A bursting happiness at wanting to share with people who would appreciate it, confused with a deep sense of loss at having to drive away.
Bereft.
That best sums it up.
You thought I had forgotten didn’t you ? No.
I thought of you too whilst there.
Saturday. Day 4. Ashburton. Christchurch. Cheviot. Kaikoura. Blenheim.
2224ks
No sweets left.
The home-ward journey & a summing up of the trip as well as a scheduled meeting with Mike who had offered to collect me from the car rental place in Picton.
Funniest photo of the trip ... 'Have you taken it yet ?' 'No - it's all blurry' 'That's ok, just press the button''Which one ?' 'On top' 'This one ? (holding it upside down)'No, the other way up' 'This one ?' 'No that's still upside down & you don't need to look through the viewfinder, just the screen on the back' 'Which screen ?' 'Never mind, just point the camera at me & press the button on the top right hand side. Waits. Waits. Waits. 'Have you taken it yet ?' 'Yes - ages ago, I don't know why you're still sitting there ?'
Observations.
Milky’s Mum will be impressed with what I saw.
Describing the distances involved, she explained I was best advised to pick ONE place I wanted to see in the South Island, drive there & return. Pah ! That’s for gurls, South Island in 4 days is where it’s at !
The North Island is beautiful.
The South Island is so much more. Especially Mackenzie country, which left me raw with appreciation. If you want snow-capped mountains, lakes & majesty, go no further.
I took a 360 degree movie here, no buildings, no people, just sheep & mountains.
If I’m feeling technical, I might try & insert it here later.
Old people make bad & good travelling companions.
Bad because they function on very little sleep & have to be told forcibly that
‘I do not want to be awoken before 0800 when I am on holiday’
Bad because they give vague driving directions like ‘that left there’
As you drive past it.
Bad because they throw sweetie-wrappers from the car window, the 1st couple of times before you know what they are about to do. You must then explain that plastic does NOT biodegrade & to keep tourists wanting to come to NZ it must be clean.
Bad because they don’t understand e-mail privacy & want to read your e-mails at the internet café, asking ‘Who’s that then ?’ as you read a message.
Bad because they are stubborn & refuse to believe that you have to deposit money in the meter nearest to where you parked the car. They then feign surprise & anger at the parking ticket you find stuck to your rental car, because they paid to park in a bay 100 metres away. They then hand YOU the ticket, saying that YOU should contest it & you know it’s just not worth explaining.
Bad because when you recommend ostrich steaks, medium-rare, they insist on it being ‘well-done’ then complain that ‘it’s tough’. They say the raspberry jus is ‘nice gravy’ though :)
Good because they are always awake before you & therefore your morning tea always awaits.
Good because they know & have been actively involved in the history of the place you are driving ignorantly through.
Good because everywhere you go, they engage people in conversation, showing uptight, repressed people (me) how it should be done.
Good because they are interested in what you have to say.
This does not go for all old people, my own grandma proves this.
After 2 very painful, enlightening visits I now no longer visit her.
Nobody needs to hear the type of stuff she wants to tell me & I refuse to listen any more.
Mal wanted to know about mobile phones, texting, my job, my dog, my family and my interests. Quite often he spoke over my answers but as people usually fall asleep during my responses I take that as an encouraging step in the right direction.
Good because they appreciate time. I have been left in no doubt how much Mal enjoyed his epic road-trip & when he said thank-you I immediately forgot all the times he had irked me by chattering whilst I tried to drink in my surroundings.
My favourite faux-pas ?
Mal would have made the ideal companion for a blind driver & liked to read out all the road signs to me. Within seconds of passing a place name he would intone importantly ‘This … Is a town … called ‘Murchison’, which I knew because I had read the sign too. I turned it into a game in my head by counting the seconds beyond the sign & guessing at what point he would announce the name. I never made it past 6. We had been passing bays on the coast all day, at each one he would read the name aloud. On our way up a very steep mountain pass which indicated frost in the winter he read aloud ‘Chain fitting bay – that’s an odd name for a bay isn’t it ?’
I didn’t have the heart to explain.
Brooke Fraser’s CD ‘What to do with the daylight’ can be listened to on a 4 day loop by an 80 year old & a 35 year old. I liked it because it complimented what I was seeing. He liked it because her Dad’s an All-Black. Apparently.
I don’t share my space easily.
After 4 days of being with the same person I was very glad to be alone again. I found it quite suffocating. I’m aware that doesn’t make me sound like a nice person, but there you are, it’s true. I need some time alone every day. I can spend days alone. ‘Castaway’ would have been my idea of a holiday. I wouldn’t have wanted to live with the rest of the community though. Just me, Barley, books & Radio 4. And perhaps a notter.
I have always been afraid of dying.
I don’t mean the pain or the disease. I mean the nothingness afterwards. For ever. That’s what scared me. Depending on how I was feeling I could churn myself up into a bit of a state about the ‘forever’ aspect of it. The word would echo around & around my consciousness & with no religious beliefs to cushion me it seemed pretty scary. Especially at 0200 when it’s just you & the black pit in your stomach.
It’s changed now.
I was reading about someone dying & was trying to imagine how she felt. I did the usual thing where I say to myself ‘Imagine forever’ & didn’t get the normal response. I tested myself a couple more times – nothing. Just calm. I even tried the 0200 test whilst awake in Murray’s van, having been awoken by something (a possum ?) scrabbling underneath it. I conjured up the scariest voice my mind could & intoned ‘forever’ in my head over & over. It’s just not the same. I feel calm about what happens now. I have an explanation, it just seems a bit too Hollywood but I’ll tell you anyway. No laughing. During this last trip I have experienced a growing feeling that ‘things will be’. Mount Cook was the focus. As I looked at her I just felt very privileged. It’s almost as if (& I shudder to write something so trite) when you get to a certain point you’ve seen enough. It’s not luck. You have set out to do something, see something, experience something & when you’ve seen it, you’re replete. I texted someone after Mt Cook & told them I was ready to go. They jokingly replied ‘Not yet’ but what I meant was, whenever the time comes I’m ready.
I can’t explain any more clearly than that & I think I need a break from typing now.
Cx
Reader warning, there's lots here, make sure you've been to the loo & are sitting comfortably, failing that, tackle it over a few days.
I’m a bit daunted to tell the truth, much as I love writing, I hardly know where to start. Think I’ll post all the writing first then add photos as & when. (Some photos added now, more to follow over the next couple of days)
So I’ve had breakfast, MSN’d with Bloo & Hx, greeted the Tanners & now I have no more excuses. Listening to Brooke Fraser (more of which later)
Michelle’s typically robust greeting to me this morning was …
‘You’ve got crap timing you have, I’ve been at home for 5 days & now you’re back I’m not here all day.’
‘Morning Michelle, not too bad thanks’
I did get a huge hug so that’s alright.
I’ll start with yesterday if that’s ok?
Murray saved me a bus journey by taking me on the 90 minute journey from Nelson to Picton. The stumpy one came to keep us company, which I was pleased about as I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to her. I’m not great with goodbyes.
Arriving promptly at the InterIslander counter I noticed the weather indicator jammed as far right as it would go, marking a place on the dial called ‘Vomitarama’. The worried looking lady told me I wasn’t sailing as it was too rough. She must have thought I didn’t understand as I replied with a cheery ‘ok then’. Truth be told, I had such a godawful crossing to Picton that I was in no hurry to repeat it.
She asked me to return at 1pm as she hoped they would be sailing then.
I informed a disbelieving Murray, who looked very taken aback. I think it had just dawned on him that he had to entertain me for another 90 mins. We found some lunch & took it to one of my favourite places in the Whole World ; Queen Charlotte Drive.
Once there, we ate, then sprawled in the sun on the picnic benches talking about how often as a kid you nearly die whilst playing in places you have specifically been told are dangerous.
I had taken elaborate precautions to avoid strap marks whilst here because I have to wear a gurl’s dress for an upcoming Xmas party. Murray, you will be amused to know that all my careful covering up went by the wayside as I now sport both strap marks and the most fetching panda-eyes from my sunglasses.
I wondered why the cashier looked at me oddly in Tongariri last night until I caught my reflection in the mirror. Very attention-grabbing.
Re-presenting myself back at the ferry counter I noticed the gauge had moved from ‘Vomitarama’ to ‘Rough’.
‘How is it out there ?’ I asked faintly of the cashier.
‘Conditions are easing’ she replied, showing diplomatic skills I could only later marvel at.
Murray & I said our farewells with vague plans of kayaking Milford Sounds next time, in the meantime remember Murray ‘If you can’t pronounce it, you probably shouldn’t paddle it’ For an antisocial bugger Murray is remarkably easy company & I found all the time we spent together very restful. There Murray, that should open the door wide to stalkersville ;) I look forward to our next meeting. In the meantime, the best thing about Blogs is you’re not stuck with that awful ‘Keep in touch’ thing that people say at goodbyes.
I have an idea about the CD, I will e-mail you.
The crossing is best left to your imagination, suffice it to say it wasn’t as bad as last time (when you’ve done 6 metre swells, 3 metres is for pussies). Just at the point I thought we would never arrive I noticed a squiggle of movement in the sea to my left. As I looked closer I saw it was a dolphin, closer examination revealed 4 more. I watched them for a total of perhaps 6 seconds before they disappeared but it was enough.
Initially I wanted to shout out but 2 things prevented me. Firstly, the Kiwi to my left had been speaking in very knowledgeable terms about the sea & I suspected he may be a sailor who would possibly be underwhelmed to be grabbed by a lunatic yelling ‘Look, look !’ Secondly and for far more selfish reasons I wanted to hug my sighting close to myself & leave the general world oblivious to what I alone had seen.
(Murray, they were grey, quite small, with a light grey slash along their flanks. Were these duskies ?)
I spent the next 90 minutes scanning the seas hoping to get a repeat viewing but it wasn’t to be. I firmly believe things happen for a reason & if I had taken the 1130 crossing I may not have seen dolphins. It fulfils a wish I have always had & I was very sad to be leaving NZ again without having seen a dolphin. The 3 hours & 30 minutes of nausea was completely justified by that 6 second sighting.
During my crossing I was liaising with Cedar Lodge asking bus times up the island. Eric replied that there was a bus which left Welly at 1950 & got into Tirau at 0400. He said he was more than happy to come get me. Lunatic.
Luckily, I remembered something Milky’s Mum had said about Avis. She had told me that if you dropped off a car for them at Auckland airport, you could hire one for $20 plus fuel. Sure enough they had one available, so with huge relief at not having to wake Eric at ‘Ohmygod’ I piled into it, braved the 5 minute traffic jam & headed North & the 500ks between me & my bed.
I must say here, if you’re planning to visit NZ, don’t bother with ‘RoughGuide’, ‘Lonely Planet’ or any such nonsense, just have Milky’s Mum’s telephone number available. What she doesn’t know, isn’t worth knowing. Not only did she save my hide with Avis (I couldn’t have afforded a ‘normal’ rental), but she also texted me the day that NZ Vodafone were doing a limited text top-up, thus gaining me $40 worth of credit for $20. I don’t know how I can repay your kindness (except by putting up Milky on her OE, which is a given) but if I can, don’t hesitate to ask.
ps. I haven’t eaten it yet – impressed ?
pps. RIP – Fishy.
The drive North was initially a bit hairy, I hadn’t slept at all on the ferry, thinking I could sleep the whole journey on the bus. Wrong. So I set off feeling green & very tired & having driven
(joned at the point by the feral one, looking sleepy & gorgeous)
2200 ks in 4 days. The last thing I felt like doing was driving.
The first 4 hours were pretty hairy & I owe you Bloo, for keeping me awake with texts of the ‘where are you now ?’ variety. Unfortunately my battery gave up the ghost at 10pm, leaving me with another 2 hours to do alone. I stopped at Tongariro & downed 2 Red Bulls. I hate the taste but man does that stuff give me a kick.
After that I listened to ZM - LOUD & hugged the tail-lights of one of the huge rigs which dominate State Highway 1 & the desert road at night time. I hitched a tow & shared his halogen. I am indebted to the driver, I think he knew why I was sticking with him & every 50ks or so he would give me a left & a right on the indicator stalks & when I replied in turn he would give me a blast on the air-horn. When our paths diverged at the sign for Hamilton he stuck his arm out & waved. I love truckers.
I was initially disappointed to be driving alongside Lake Taupo in the dark but my disappointment gave way to joy when I saw the Xmas lights in Taupo. Bloo, they were beautiful. Where else in the world would their Xmas lights feature a blue trout blowing white air bubbles ? I drove through
Taupo and saw the camp site remembering the ‘you smell nice’ night, with a silly grin plastered on my face.
I arrived at Cedar Lodge far earlier than I had aniticipated (0030) which made 500ks in 6 ½ hours which I was pretty impressed with given I was trying to conserve fuel. I suppose slipstreaming the rig for 200ks may have helped ?
The last 2 hours were thoroughly enjoyable, deserted roads, & the by-now familiar tug on my heart at seeing the place names which bring me joy. The mixture of loud music & taurine had me absolutely buzzing & as I turned into the driveway at Cedar Lodge I felt like anything other than sleep. It must be how 330VK feels all the time. However I unpacked Humpy, texted my safe arrival to concerned parties, located my night things & lay down to listen to Drops of Jupiter. I rehearsed this entry as I dozed off on clean, cool sheets.
Now – where to start on my South Island road-trip ?
Bear with me please, what I don’t want to do is replicate the journey including every place, what I thought of it & where to stay. There are books which do that better. This will be the highs, lows, thoughts & observations, along with a brief outline of where we went.
This is what we did the evening before we set off.
Mal helps out renovating these, which is why I had permission to sit on & play.
Wednesday. Day 1. Picton. Westport. Greymouth. Hokitika. Franz Josef Glacier
Distance covered = 500ks.
Fruit jellies.
Headed off from Picton in the Toyota Corolla rental car. Typical Japanese car, superbly engineered, handled like it was on rails & automatic, which I normally hate but for these kinds of distances was perfect. Shuddered when Mal produced his license to the rental girl. His driving is adequate for farm work but I resolved to keep him out of the driver’s seat at any expense.
Perfect driving weather (as long as you have a/c) saw us arriving at Franz Josef at 1900. I was thoroughly taken aback at the beauty of Franz Josef, I don’t really know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. The town lies nestled in the valley to the lee of the glacier & after a very pleasant evening meal in town we walked the mile or so back to the motel. It was wonderful & hauntingly eerie to look out of the window from my bed & see the huge forms, looming benignly over the town. I went to sleep that night feeling enveloped & protected by the glaciers.
Thursday. Day 2. Fox Glacier. Mt.Aspiring. Lake Wanaka. Lake Hawea. Queenstown. TSS Earnslaw. Lake Wakapitu. Cromwell. Alexandra.
Distance covered = 1,000 ks.
Chocolate caramels.
The early morning torrents put paid to our plans to walk on the glacier so we headed off, aiming for Queenstown & further depending on the sailing times of the Earnslaw. Note. If you’re planning on visiting the glaciers, budget $100 for a helicopter ride over them. I was sad that I didn’t have the cash to do it. Note to self ; on a roadtrip charge your camera battery regardless
of whether you think it needs it or not. The battery died at Queenstown leaving me without a camera for the most beautiful lake I have ever seen, namely Hawea. Photos of Wanaka to follow, which was almost as good.
Queenstown was as I expected, not my cup of tea. It’s in a geographically beautiful setting but is full of adrenaline-seeking dudes & just too many people in general. The business owners are exploiting the natural beauty around them, which I suppose I can’t condemn, I just wish they weren’t so in your face about it.
We took a ride on the TSS Earnslaw (Twin Screw Steamer, in case you were wondering ?) across Lake Wakatipu. It was $37 extremely well-spent, very comfortable (I wish ferries were this heavy to punch through waves rather than bob around on them) & lovely & warm thanks to the steam funnel. At the far end of the lake was one of the most beautiful homesteads I have ever seen, in a pretty sheltered bay. Imagine a Kiwi building, cream clapper-board, red tin roof, so far so Kiwi. Then envisage the most meltingly fluid English cottage garden surrounding it. Quite lovely.
You have to envisage it, because my battery was dead.
As we disembarked, we were hindered on the gang-plank by the ubiquitous lost Japanese tourists huddled together waiting for their leader. I figured the best way not to get included in a fight was to disassociate myself from Mal as he complained loudly about them. The terms ‘slit-eye’ & ‘nips’ were the most inoffensive I can reproduce here. I don’t for one minute think it’s just him. That generation, my Gran included, refer happily to ‘Paki shops’ unaware that it’s just not acceptable. It can only get better as time moves on.
We stayed the night in Alexandra in an immaculate motel. Alexandra is memorable only for the fact that it briefly put a stick in the spokes of my love-affair with NZ. Mal returned from the shop with fish that … SMELLED OF WEE ! Wanting not to believe my sense of smell, I tasted it & unfortunately the smell was replicated in the taste. I know that reads oddly & there will be those of you wanting to know how I know what wee tastes like. I do not have a satisfactory answer.
Friday. Day 3. Roxburgh. Lawrence. Milton. Dunedin. Palmerston. Oamaru. Omarama. Twizel. Mt.Cook. Lake Pukaki. Lake Tekapo. Fairlie. Geraldine.
Distance covered = 1757ks.
Spearmint chews
My favourite day. Hated Dunedin (hard because Mal lived there) hated it for no other reason than it’s a city & if you want cities, England does them better. Unless it’s Leicester. Which is a toilet. Where was I ? Twizel was extremely pretty & the perfect aperitif for my most uplifting experience of the whole trip, Mt Cook.
Mal & I had some very different ideas about what was worth seeing. He thought I would like to see every dam on every lake. After 6 in the 1st day I had to explain that I didn’t, which was a bit hard as I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
As we approached Mt Cook and I indicated for the road to take us directly there, Mal explained that I didn’t need to drive to it, I could see it from the road. I said firmly that I definitely wanted to get close as this was my most pressing reason to re-visit the South Island.
‘O-kaay’ he compromised, with a hint of ‘You’ll be disappointed’ in his tone.
From far away I realised Mt Cook was something special. The approach road offers heart-achingly beautiful vistas across Lake Pukaki, which is the most unnatural shade of brilliant turquoise.
The closer I got, the more choked I became. I turned off the radio to try discourage Mal from talking over it. He didn’t take the hint & commenced a long & involved story about a guy shooting a rabbit. I very much wanted to ask him to be quiet. At ‘Peter’s lookout’ I left the warmth of the car to stand in the icy wind gusting across the lake. I couldn’t control the tears by this point. I had never before seen anything more beautiful.
Mal left the car to stand next to me & continue the rabbit story. I have never wanted to be alone more. I will return alone next time. Unless it’s with a climbing party, to get a better look.
I asked Mal why he seemed unmoved by something which caused such profound feelings in me. He replied that he had seen it before. Thinking that maybe the impact would reduce with subsequent viewings I asked when he had last seen it. ‘1958’ was the reply.
I suppose it either hits you or it doesn’t.
Mal is very impressed with man-made things, like the dams & the road we drove on. For me, nothing that we make can come close the beauty of the natural world. (Having re-read this bit I forgot about Black Hawks, Fireblades & tractors)
Big thoughts
Someone told me recently that when they saw awe-inspiring sights in nature it made them more prone to believing in a god. It’s the exact opposite for me. The diversity & strength of the natural world proves to me that no one being, no matter how supposedly powerful, could have had any part in producing it. I rejoice in the feeling that no matter how destructive our contact with the flora & fauna around it, it’s nature that prevails. By that I don’t mean we can afford to be reckless, just that the process of ecology is more powerful than anything we can ever hope to achieve.
In the 5 uninterrupted minutes I had with my thoughts & Mt Cook I sucked it all in, desperate not to lose the clarity it offered me. It feels kind of foolish to replicate how I felt from the peace & calm of the Tanner’s sitting room but I will be honest & say how it made me feel. I felt complete, at peace and wondered how I had been moments before seeing the mountain. My emotions at leaving Mt Cook were very mixed. A bursting happiness at wanting to share with people who would appreciate it, confused with a deep sense of loss at having to drive away.
Bereft.
That best sums it up.
You thought I had forgotten didn’t you ? No.
I thought of you too whilst there.
Saturday. Day 4. Ashburton. Christchurch. Cheviot. Kaikoura. Blenheim.
2224ks
No sweets left.
The home-ward journey & a summing up of the trip as well as a scheduled meeting with Mike who had offered to collect me from the car rental place in Picton.
Observations.
Milky’s Mum will be impressed with what I saw.
Describing the distances involved, she explained I was best advised to pick ONE place I wanted to see in the South Island, drive there & return. Pah ! That’s for gurls, South Island in 4 days is where it’s at !
The North Island is beautiful.
The South Island is so much more. Especially Mackenzie country, which left me raw with appreciation. If you want snow-capped mountains, lakes & majesty, go no further.
I took a 360 degree movie here, no buildings, no people, just sheep & mountains.
If I’m feeling technical, I might try & insert it here later.
Old people make bad & good travelling companions.
Bad because they function on very little sleep & have to be told forcibly that
‘I do not want to be awoken before 0800 when I am on holiday’
Bad because they give vague driving directions like ‘that left there’
As you drive past it.
Bad because they throw sweetie-wrappers from the car window, the 1st couple of times before you know what they are about to do. You must then explain that plastic does NOT biodegrade & to keep tourists wanting to come to NZ it must be clean.
Bad because they don’t understand e-mail privacy & want to read your e-mails at the internet café, asking ‘Who’s that then ?’ as you read a message.
Bad because they are stubborn & refuse to believe that you have to deposit money in the meter nearest to where you parked the car. They then feign surprise & anger at the parking ticket you find stuck to your rental car, because they paid to park in a bay 100 metres away. They then hand YOU the ticket, saying that YOU should contest it & you know it’s just not worth explaining.
Bad because when you recommend ostrich steaks, medium-rare, they insist on it being ‘well-done’ then complain that ‘it’s tough’. They say the raspberry jus is ‘nice gravy’ though :)
Good because they are always awake before you & therefore your morning tea always awaits.
Good because they know & have been actively involved in the history of the place you are driving ignorantly through.
Good because everywhere you go, they engage people in conversation, showing uptight, repressed people (me) how it should be done.
Good because they are interested in what you have to say.
This does not go for all old people, my own grandma proves this.
After 2 very painful, enlightening visits I now no longer visit her.
Nobody needs to hear the type of stuff she wants to tell me & I refuse to listen any more.
Mal wanted to know about mobile phones, texting, my job, my dog, my family and my interests. Quite often he spoke over my answers but as people usually fall asleep during my responses I take that as an encouraging step in the right direction.
Good because they appreciate time. I have been left in no doubt how much Mal enjoyed his epic road-trip & when he said thank-you I immediately forgot all the times he had irked me by chattering whilst I tried to drink in my surroundings.
My favourite faux-pas ?
Mal would have made the ideal companion for a blind driver & liked to read out all the road signs to me. Within seconds of passing a place name he would intone importantly ‘This … Is a town … called ‘Murchison’, which I knew because I had read the sign too. I turned it into a game in my head by counting the seconds beyond the sign & guessing at what point he would announce the name. I never made it past 6. We had been passing bays on the coast all day, at each one he would read the name aloud. On our way up a very steep mountain pass which indicated frost in the winter he read aloud ‘Chain fitting bay – that’s an odd name for a bay isn’t it ?’
I didn’t have the heart to explain.
Brooke Fraser’s CD ‘What to do with the daylight’ can be listened to on a 4 day loop by an 80 year old & a 35 year old. I liked it because it complimented what I was seeing. He liked it because her Dad’s an All-Black. Apparently.
I don’t share my space easily.
After 4 days of being with the same person I was very glad to be alone again. I found it quite suffocating. I’m aware that doesn’t make me sound like a nice person, but there you are, it’s true. I need some time alone every day. I can spend days alone. ‘Castaway’ would have been my idea of a holiday. I wouldn’t have wanted to live with the rest of the community though. Just me, Barley, books & Radio 4. And perhaps a notter.
I have always been afraid of dying.
I don’t mean the pain or the disease. I mean the nothingness afterwards. For ever. That’s what scared me. Depending on how I was feeling I could churn myself up into a bit of a state about the ‘forever’ aspect of it. The word would echo around & around my consciousness & with no religious beliefs to cushion me it seemed pretty scary. Especially at 0200 when it’s just you & the black pit in your stomach.
It’s changed now.
I was reading about someone dying & was trying to imagine how she felt. I did the usual thing where I say to myself ‘Imagine forever’ & didn’t get the normal response. I tested myself a couple more times – nothing. Just calm. I even tried the 0200 test whilst awake in Murray’s van, having been awoken by something (a possum ?) scrabbling underneath it. I conjured up the scariest voice my mind could & intoned ‘forever’ in my head over & over. It’s just not the same. I feel calm about what happens now. I have an explanation, it just seems a bit too Hollywood but I’ll tell you anyway. No laughing. During this last trip I have experienced a growing feeling that ‘things will be’. Mount Cook was the focus. As I looked at her I just felt very privileged. It’s almost as if (& I shudder to write something so trite) when you get to a certain point you’ve seen enough. It’s not luck. You have set out to do something, see something, experience something & when you’ve seen it, you’re replete. I texted someone after Mt Cook & told them I was ready to go. They jokingly replied ‘Not yet’ but what I meant was, whenever the time comes I’m ready.
I can’t explain any more clearly than that & I think I need a break from typing now.
Cx
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Ontheroad
Thespace bardoesn'tworkin thisinternet cafe soifyou canmanagewith this,
you'reeither reallybored,or you typelike Bill& haven'tnoticed the difference.
I didn't experience Blenheimin Summerlast time & I cansumup why itdidn'tdistress
megreatly in 2 words.American.tourists.
Volumeguys,volume.
Currentlyin Murchison,wonderinghowlong I can keepMaloutofthe driver's seatofour
rented car.I hadforgotten how'exciting' his drivingcan be.
Willtry & keepyou updated ataslightlylessexorbitant cafe where at least if
I'mpaying 2bucksper minute then the frickin'space bar'll work.
Messages
Bill-how are you?Where areyou ?
Trudes-Goodtohear you.West Indies?
Murray-The overweight rockstar calls himself 'Ox' these days.
The urge to kick his face remains.U abletobookthe Sundowner?I
completelyforgot to do it at Mal's.
Milky-Prince Albert,no cando,seriouslyunderestimated the amountofpeople
I had promised to catch up with.As it is I think I will be seeing
about 6 people the day before I go home.
Laterguys,places to go,peopleto see(howoften can you say that & mean it ?)
Cx
Thespace bardoesn'tworkin thisinternet cafe soifyou canmanagewith this,
you'reeither reallybored,or you typelike Bill& haven'tnoticed the difference.
I didn't experience Blenheimin Summerlast time & I cansumup why itdidn'tdistress
megreatly in 2 words.American.tourists.
Volumeguys,volume.
Currentlyin Murchison,wonderinghowlong I can keepMaloutofthe driver's seatofour
rented car.I hadforgotten how'exciting' his drivingcan be.
Willtry & keepyou updated ataslightlylessexorbitant cafe where at least if
I'mpaying 2bucksper minute then the frickin'space bar'll work.
Messages
Bill-how are you?Where areyou ?
Trudes-Goodtohear you.West Indies?
Murray-The overweight rockstar calls himself 'Ox' these days.
The urge to kick his face remains.U abletobookthe Sundowner?I
completelyforgot to do it at Mal's.
Milky-Prince Albert,no cando,seriouslyunderestimated the amountofpeople
I had promised to catch up with.As it is I think I will be seeing
about 6 people the day before I go home.
Laterguys,places to go,peopleto see(howoften can you say that & mean it ?)
Cx
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