Bourbons & latex


I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts this week & wasn’t really sure why. I couldn’t put it entirely down to my usual, painful, monthly re-shuffle of impacted wisdom teeth.

Returning from my ride this afternoon feeling, happy & rested if a little cold, I realised it was just that I hadn’t had enough fresh air or daylight. I won’t pretend I wanted to get out of bed at midday but as I basked in the warm, wintry sunlight on Headley Heath this afternoon, I was so glad I had.

The rain was battering on the window this morning as I retired to bed & I had serious misgivings about riding at all. But during the drive to the stables the sun came out & by the time I had tacked up & was ready to go, I was pleasantly warm.

I rode Hannah today; she is a beautiful 16.2hh bay mare. (I will find & publish a photo for you tomorrow Alice) She is a typical mare; capricious & frequently unpredictable but so lovely on the rare days when she is amenable that I can forgive her anything. She used to routinely walk away from me in her box when I tried to tack her up, swinging her quarters toward me & threatening a kick.

We have come to an understanding since I worked with the mental yearlings though. She understands that it’s rude to turn her back on me & that she gets a slap for doing it. She doesn’t do it any more.

She has just been clipped out for winter & her usually bright chestnut coat is gone, replaced by a shiny, suede-feeling finish.

It may seem odd that horses are clipped in winter but if they weren’t their coats wouldn’t dry quickly after sweating during exercise, rendering them susceptible to chills. And just because we’re human & like to totally confuse them, we then make them wear assorted rugs to keep them warm, once we’ve removed their own coats.

There is never a time when Headley Heath doesn’t look lovely but today I was especially entranced. Perhaps it was the ‘wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark, go home in the dark’ routine I’ve been following, but the Heath was a particularly welcome assault on my senses.

My last session of neddy-pestering was very pleasant but the neddy I rode then, in no way compared to Hannah. I really enjoyed meandering around the Heath this afternoon, chatting away to her. One ear permanently cocked in my direction indicated she was listening. What more can you ask for in a companion ?

I saw green woodpeckers, Highland cattle, pheasant, and a very fat yellow Labrador who waddled determinedly towards Hannah, an ingratiating grin plastered all over his face. This was despite his owner’s determined shouting of ‘Stay, stay, stay …’ which then became ‘Stay ?’

Luckily, due to the fact that she owns a vociferous pack of barmy canines , June’s horses are all totally dog-proof, but it was kind of the owner to at least attempt to keep him away. As a Labrador, he was probably only investigating Hannah as a potential food-source.

I went back to bed after riding to grab a couple more hours & awoke to something horrible happening to Cathy on the Archers. I won’t spoil it for the Tanners who may not have listened yet, suffice it to say, it was very chilling & scared the hell out of me. That voice. Let me know when you’ve listened (or read about it) Michelle.

Last night was a very funny shift at work. Come 0400, things had dropped off sufficiently for us to start casting around for entertainment. Only anyone who has routinely worked a night shift will understand the hysteria brought on by an oxygen-starved brain in the small hours.

It started with latex gloves of the variety used by the officers to search prisoners. We (Andy & I) got to wondering if we could stretch them sufficiently to pull them over our heads then inflate them, condom-style.

We could.

Variations on a theme followed, until we had exhausted our imaginations.

We then called upon Milky, whose imagination knows no bounds & indulged in a glove-fest, followed by a chocolate-bourbon eating competition. I managed to cram 3 whole, unbroken bourbons in my mouth, which I thought very credible until Milky managed 4 and closed his mouth. Very impressive. Andy managed a pitiful ONE and was dry-retching at even that. Pathetic.

I thought I’d take in my camera tonight & share with you.

Here’s hoping the criminals lay low after 0400.

On Friday night, it’s our works Christmas do. I can hardly wait.

Cx