Galvanize

This may be a bit disjointed as I'm speed-blogging in an internet cafe.

Today is a day off, I've been outside, man it's bright.

I am meeting Ian aka Creaky in a couple of hours, he retired after 30 years in the Police on New Years Eve & he's moving to Tavistock to enjoy his retirement. I have to get him drunk & get his forwarding address from him so that I can invite myself to stay. Wonder if he likes Barley-Marleys ?

Later on I meet the team for a curry & a drink. Julie, our social secretary has made a basic beginner's error in booking the table for 1830. I forsee 2 problems. Firstly, getting a bunch of cops out of a pub after only an hour's drinking. Secondly, who the hell eats curry sober ? Me neither.

I went into Kingston this morning to buy 'gurl' clothes for tonight & saved so much (bargains Hx, bargains, oh I just remembered you won't be reading, there's no photos, you'll have skipped this bit) that I had enough to buy 'Push the Button' by The Chemical Brothers as well as the obligatory cufflinks. I love buying cufflinks almost as much as greetings cards.

When I did my mammoth drive from Wellington to Matamata in a little over 5 hours, 'Galvanize' was an epiphany. I had just loaded up on Red Bull & was listening to the radio loud when the DJ introduced the single.

I was blown away & couldn't wait to hear it again. Since being in England I've hardly heard it until Sunday night when I was driving home from Hendon & heard it was No1 on the Kiss chart. I defy you to hear this on your car radio & not dance behind the wheel. Imagine a record by the Prodigy & S-Express and you're getting there.

It's the most hynotic blend of slightly off key strings and crashing bass line with just a hint of 'the light bulb dance' Go buy it now, I cannot urge you strongly enough, your life will be better for it.

Casualty Bureau

I texted a friend the other day, the gist of that text was ...

'I drive to work in the dark. I drive home in the dark. I have no view. I see nothing of natural beauty. And I deal in death daily'

You can imagine how I've been, I don't need to tell you. Music has been my comfort ; that & the daily run I force myself to go on.

A very weird sense of humour has built up in our office. I make no apologies for the things I am about to repeat. If you've ever worked for the emer services you'll understand. If you find it offensive, go read another Blog.

It doesn't reflect how I feel about what I've been doing, it's just light relief.

The other day Lolly was trying to match 2 records together to see if they were the same person. To do this he had to ring an injured person's mother & discuss her son's injuries.

'Can I ask if your son has leg injuries ?' was what we heard Lolly say.

'He does ? Two broken legs ? That's marvellous, thank you so much'

We knew what he meant, it just kinda came out wrong.

The next day Carol (not me, but another Carol who likes neddies, they have re-named our bit of the office 'Stables Corner' ) had to ring someone to clarify something. Carol is so unlucky with her phone calls that we have christened her the Angel of Death.

Her 1st call went like this ...

'Hello there PC such-and-such from Casualty Bureau, I know your brother has returned safe & well, I just need to ... sorry, what's that ? ... oh.... that's terrible, I'm really sorry, can I just take a few details then ? mmmmhmmm mmmhmmm mmmhmmm ok, bye then & once again, I'm sorry'

Turns out the man's brother had survived the tsunami only to die 4 days later, 300 miles away from a heart attack.

Carol's 2nd call went like this

'Hello there PC such-and-such from Casualty Bureau, I know your family has returned safe & well, I just need to ... sorry, what's that ? ...oh ... that's terrible, I'm really sorry, can I just take a few details then ? mmmmhmmm mmmmhmmmm mmmmhmmm ok, bye then & once again, I'm sorry.'

Needless to say, we were all looking at her questioningly when she came off the fone.

Turns out, the brother on the family had told the police at Heathrow when he got off his flight that he & his family were all safe, well & accounted for. He neglected to mention that each & every one of them had been injured in some way and that his sister was still, in fact, missing. Poor Carol.

Her 3rd phone call went like this

'.. anyway, thank you so much for your help with my enquiries, I'm really glad to hear you returned safe & well, although, come to mention it, you don't sound particularly well. What's that ? Oh. I'm really sorry to hear that. Goodbye'

As she put the phone down, she was scarlet & as her head dropped to her hands, by way of our questions she simply said 'Please don't ask me, I can't tell you, I'm so embarrassed.'

Finally, she confessed that in answer to her query of 'You don't sound particularly well ?' the caller had informed her that she had a tracheotomy following a car accident some 10 years previously which made her speech laboured.

Poor Carol, you just had to feel for her. And then take the pi55 mercilessly of course for the rest of the day. She refuses to make follow up enquiry telephone calls now.

One day Ray was on the phone (more of Ray later) ...

he was trying to explain to an elderly gentleman why it was imperative that he be told the gentleman's wife's surname. The only information the chap had divulged about his wife was her first name of 'Nellie'. I am only naming her because it's relevant to the story & because she returned safe & well.

Patiently, Ray explained again & again why he needed to know Nellie's surname all to no avail. In the end he said the the man 'The thing is sir, we are working with over 50, 000 records and there are many Nellies on the system.'

At this point Lindy & I exchanged glanes. It was fatal.

It is to Ray's eternal credit that he turned his back on our collapsed, mirthful forms, crammed his left hand in his ear & continued to explain patiently & professionaly why he needed Nellie's surname. During this time Lindy & I would only pull ourselves together until the next time we looked at each other & then we'd be off again.

Pathetic, truly pathetic, but like I said, if you worked there, you'd understand.

Yesterday, I met Robbie.

He was absolutely gorgeous & just my type ; very, very clever with huge brown eyes.

I was instantly smitten & he seemed to think I was pretty cool too.

The only drawback ?

He was 16 weeks old & a Springer Spaniel training to be an expo dog. They are the ones who sniff out explosives. I could hardly bear to be parted from him & when I returned to my running laps it was clear he felt the same as he tried to follow me onto the track.

'Come on Robbie, good boy, GOOOOOD boy' came the shout, & Robbie turned, saw his dad & wiggled off into the distance.

The high point of my day.

Cx

FAQ'S

1) Still can't get into Yahoo on my own pooter, after payday man will come, man will fix. Hopefully. I can start downloading photos again then.

2) How much longer with the 12 hour days at Casualty Bureau ?

Not sure. Looks like they may be down-scaling. I could be back at VK as soon as next Monday. I could be there for another 4 weeks. We'll see.

3) Why haven't you answered my e-mails/telephone calls/letters

See 3)