There goes the neighbourhood …
 
I had been pottering happily in my new flat for about 2 hours when the doorbell rang. I opened it 2 a respectable-looking elderly couple.
 
‘Carol Briggs ?’ demanded the lady, in the tones of Lady Bracknell.
 
‘Ye-es’ I was hesitant, how did they know my name ?
 
‘Have you taken leave of your senses ?’ thundered the old crone.
 
‘I beg your pardon ?’ I was very confused, I’m not used to conversations starting like this.
 
‘Have you ANY idea how much inconvenience you have been causing everyone ?’
 
Now, as someone too paranoid to push in traffic, in case I hack anyone off, I was astonished to hear I had inconvenienced anyone, let alone the whole neighbourhood in a little under 2 hours.
 
Turns out I had parked Henry in a place which met with their disapproval. It’s residents parking only & as I don’t have a permit yet, I had parked in front of the garages to the rear of my block. I must point out I wasn’t blocking any of the garages, there was sufficient space, to the front & rear of Henry to get around him.
 
I agreed to move Henry, apologised for the inconvenience & explained that it was my 1st day at the new address. The bloke was somewhat embarrassed & joked that they could forgive me but this wasn’t good enough for the old bitch who wanted to know how I could ‘possibly be so stupid ?’
 
I pointed out that I didn’t care for her tone, had made a simple mistake which I was in the process of rectifying & asked if she was this friendly with all new arrivals ?
 
She then delivered her coup de grace, didn’t I know I was ‘blocking in cancer patients ?’ I hurried to Henry, expecting to see an ambulance, sirens a-wailing, prevented from taking patients to hospital.
 
As I rounded the corner, I was met by 2 more overly made-up harpies, shrilly demanding ‘How could you be so stupid’ It’s safe to say, I was a bit fed up by now. The penny finally dropped & I asked how Harpy number 1 had known my name & at which address to find me. She flourished her ‘evidence’ from behind her back, a letter of mine, which she had taken from my car & OPENED to discover my name & address.
 
I can’t remember the last time I was so angry.
 
As someone who hates confrontation, I will walk a long way to avoid one. However, I was so taken aback with her actions, that I explained to her, in no uncertain terms that I took a dim view of her entering my car & opening my sealed mail. Her reply defied logic.
 
‘Well, you brought it on yourself’
 
She went onto explain how lucky I was, as she was in the process of having my car ‘removed by the Police’ I burst her bubble when I told her the Police have no powers to remove vehicles from private land. When she demanded to know how I knew this I decided it was best to keep my counsel.
 
She still doesn’t know how narrowly she escaped a palm-heel strike when she stalked off declaring that the ‘Police would certainly remove your car, because it’s derelict.’ I only polished him yesterday.
 
Not quite the cookies & the ‘welcome to the neighbourhood’ I was anticipating.
 
Weeny was unfortunate enough to ring me, still seething, en route to Tesco’s.
 
After patiently listening to my rant, she confessed that in my situation, she would have gone nose-to-nose with the Medusa & told her to ‘F*** OFF !’
It does have it’s appeal, I will admit. 

 
Cx