Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Happy Christmas, or as I believe they say in America 'Happy Christmas y'all'.
He's a Christmas Gundog
The last 3 days have been a bit of a blur, I don't think for one moment that I can remember
everything, so I intend to let the pictures do most of the talking.
Stan & I have been left home alone whilst the Tanner posse have headed off to Tauranga to see
friends. We are feeling naughty as we are Blogging & whetting our whistles with vodka-based
foodstuffs. If some of the entry rambles incoherently, then 1 of 2 things have occurred.
Either, I have over-indulged in 'Platinum 7' a delicious vodka & vanilla combo or Stan has wrested
the keyboard from my grip.
If there are those of you thinking that vodka & vanilla at 1853 is excessive then I have one
thing to say,
'It's my birthday & I am a princess'
(35 if you're wondering - is that right Ange ?)
It was Ange's happy task to inform me one year (in about February as I recall) that I had celebrated
my 30th bday too early & was in fact a spring-chicken-like 29)
And so, we all retired to bed relatively early on Christmas Eve, the kids having been threatened/bribed
with the promise of $50 if they were still asleep by 0800.
We converged on the living room at about 0900, the kids neatly dressed & washed & yours truly
letting the side down by appearing in my infamous garb which Eric refers to as
The green maggot
After a spectacular breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit & cream
we gathered at the base of the tree to say a quiet prayer to Jesus to remember this most holy
of days. Yeah right.
What followed was a session, nay an orgy, of tearing tissue, tears, tantrums, tirades &
terrapins (ok, I was struggling with the alliteration)
The highlights were Eric receiving his chainsaw. First time I have seen him speechless.
Chainsaw
Michelle receiving her camera.
You shouldn't have (but I am very glad you did)
I got my tractor, albeit Matchbox sized
And Eric receiving his Maori phrasebook.
Let me explain.
Stan & I had a huge amount of fun shopping for Eric's pressies. We knew that he has a hatred
of 'tat' & especially Kiwiana 'tat'. Alice used to buy him ornaments from the local $2 shop & hand
them over with pride & love, her eyes shining at Eric's apparent delight.
These gifts include, a trio of woolly pigs which appear to have fallen from an airplane, and
a morose-looking Collie. Eventually, Eric beseeched Alice not to buy any more of these
gifts, begging her to save her money.
Eric's approach to integration in Zeeland is to wring his hands with horror at how the locals
mangle their vowels & he pledges to speak the Queen's English at all times. He eschews
the local tradition of muffins with coffee at his workplace & sticks steadfastly to his Earl Grey.
He advises the girls that instead of embracing Maori, they should be teaching the Maoris how
to speak English.
If you want to see a parent whose toes curl in mortification, watch Eric when the girls
perform their latest hand-twirling Maori ditty. Michelle will listen in rapt attention, head cocked to
one side, smiling benignly. Sneak a glance at Eric's face however, & you will see the expression
of someone who has bitten into raw liver believing it to be cooked.
When Stan & I went shopping, we found a shop which gloried in all things 'tat'. Amongst the
treasures, we located a snowstorm sheep globe, a nodding Kiwi (which Eric has been
instructed to place in his work van) a glass too small to drink anything from, a squeezy sheep-
shaped pencil sharpener & of course the phrase-book.
Stan took great delight in leaping around the aisles shouting loudly, 'Look at this, it's
even more tacky & useless than the last thing we found' much to my mortification
& the disgust of the 2 ladies working behind the counter.
With our choices gripped tightly in our sweaty hands, we approached the counter, weak
with laughter & at the point when the older lady looked approvingly at our choices &
remarked
'You could shop all day in here couldn't you ?'
we knew that to look at each other would be fateful.
Things worsened however when she lovingly wrapped
The Glass that is Too Small to drink anything from in bubble wrap.
It was all we could do to hand over the readies before fleeing the shop in fits
of screechy, girly giggles.
We determined that we would hand over Eric's pressies with completely straight faces to see if
he would lie convincingly & say how lovely they were. As soon as Eric's face registered the Maori
phrasebook however, we fell about, as you will see.
How to say it in Maori
The most entertaining phrase we have found so far, refers to Unfaithfulness & goes
'Where were you when the fuschia dropped it's leaves ?
Stan has just retired to feed the pigs, apparently dismayed at how long it takes me to write
these entries. He is anxiously waiting for me to finish writing so that he can show me how
to insert pics. I imagine he thought I could trot out this inane stuff at an Archeresque rate.
I think I have disappointed him.
Michelle called for a break on unwrapping pressies for refreshments & so that we could retire outdoors to
Play with the chainsaw
It's hard to say whether Eric was more impressed with the chainsaw or with the clay pigeon launcher & clays which Michelle gave him.
More of the latter later.
We ended the day with a quite superb duck dinner (well done all concerned)
Duck !
and yet more pressie unwrapping.
I am embarrassed to say that I was still unwrapping pressies after everyone else thanks to the
incredible generosity of some lovely friends. Separate 'thank-you' e-mails to follow if you haven't
received yours yet.
Eric finally receives a non-Kiwi tat pressie
Us grown-ups spent the evening on the deck, surrounded by tea-lights & incense-sticks
(Stan's, personally I hate the things) & Michelle chatted with her folks, Ma & Pa Smith.
I spoke to them too, it was good to put voices to the e-mails & we swapped tips
about the best places to play golf. I look forward to meeting them when they arrive in February.
The day ended on a slightly different note when I called Mummie to wish her Happy Christmas.
It was apparent that she was having a difficult day. Her dressings had been removed & she was
understandably shocked when viewing the op site for the first time. We spent a couple of hours
talking & she confessed that she was having trouble managing at home since her discharge
from hosp.
What followed was a couple more hours of fone calls to the hospital, various breast cancer
charities & out of hours social services to see if any assistance could be arranged for her.
Despite an incredibly long & tiring day, both Tanners stayed up with me whilst I made all
these calls, despite the fact they were both obviously flagging.
Michelle, with her nursing background, was especially practical & helpful & it was she who
suggested I call the hospital. Eric placed a fleece around my shoulders as I was shaking
not with cold, but with distress after speaking to Mum.
The hospital have, very surprisingly, offered Mum the option of going back in for a few days.
She is grateful & contemplating it, but my brother, Lloyd, has offered for the next 6 days
at least, to call every day & do odd jobs as well as prepare meals. I may still be heading home
after those 6 days but I am very relieved to know that someone is looking in on her every day.
We finally retired to bed, after I spoke with Lloyd at 0130.
I don't know what I would do without the Tanners sometimes.
Pass the nuts Michelle
'Smile & at least try & pretend you like me Eric'
Boxing Day
The Tanners friends, the Stokes arrived on Boxing Day, with their parents Anne & Mike in tow.
Kevin was slightly off-form suffering an upset stomach, but despite this, it was generally
a convivial day with the Tanners playing their favourite game ..
'Lets see who can ply the guest with the most food'
I had a bit of a funny turn & (read this next bit in a whisper) ended up straightening
all the girls hair for them. This was very well-received & I suspect I will be very
unpopular with Juliet, who has since been besieged with requests by the girls for
hair-straighteners.
Hannah today asked me how old I was on this birthday. When I told her, she replied
that I looked 'about 24 & was pretty'.
I always did love kids.
With a genius like spasm of inspiration Uncle Stinley suggested the kids retire to the lodgers
cottage to watch the Two Towers. The adults got over 3 hours of quality time & the girls
commenced their education, that is the appreciation of' Him '
One by one all the adults retired to bed & left Stan & I on the opposing sofas
discussing Things & How People Let You Down.
As I related a particularly heartfelt tale of love, pain & betrayal & finished with
'& I suppose that's what hurts most, don't you agree Stan ? .... Stan ? .... Stan ?
My question was met with gentle, reverberating snores, which just goes to show,
we are never as eternally fascinating as we think we are. The funny thing now is that
Stan will always have to pretend he knows what I am talking about when I refer to
the story I told him Boxing Day evening. Either that or admit he fell asleep.
The day when Briggsy was born.
Stan made up for his previous evening's social gaffe by presenting Humpy & I with hot-
buttered toast & steaming tea in bed (or sofa to be accurate). As you will see, I awake
dewy-eyed & gorgeous, just as the freshly made-up lovelies do on day-time tv.
P*ss-holes in the snow
After checking who vomited during the night ... Alice (copiously & lavishly at 0130)
Who felt bad but hadn't vomited ... Kevin, Juliet, Michelle,Stan, Ann & Hannah.
Who had felt bad, but now felt fine ... Eric.
Who hadn't at any stage been Southern Shandy Supping poofters ... Carol, Harriette, Emma & Mike.
We then had a Cluedo style round of 'Who ate what ?'
The rules are somewhat vague & people weren't taking their turn correctly but the game
essentially consists of each person shouting out, in an entirely random fashion, believing their
own input to be singularly interesting ...
'Well, I didn't have the mussels, but I did have the salmon, but I ate salmon at Uncle Derek's funeral
& it didn't disagree with the then' whilst someone undercuts that person with the revelation that
'I did have the lolly kebabs (don't ask) but I didn't have the mussels because I swallowed a
mussel to see what it was like & it came back up again. (I'm not making this up).
Once everyone's stomach contents had been discussed, we retired to the deck for a table-
creakingly large barbecued full-cooked breakfast.
I have a vague recollection of the concept of hunger, prior to meeting the Tanners.
Once the Stokes posse had left (after demands for more hair-straightening had been met)
we converged upon the front paddock for the highlight of the hols so far.
Clay pigeon shooting with a shotgun
Eric received a clay launcher from Michelle, which the salesman assured her Eric would
be 'rapt' with. I can only assume Eric had been into the shop beforehand to point
out a suitable gift as he was thoroughly delighted.
After staking out a suitably safe vantage point to shoot from, we all had a bash at shooting
clays. Honourable mentions go to Eric who shot with panache & distinction, despite
never having shot a clay before.
Michelle, who, after initially exclaiming 'Jesus' & almost throwing away the shotgun
in surprise at how loud the report was, went on to hit her 2nd clay. In her glee
at hitting only her 2nd shot she swung the gun around, exclaiming in delight
'I hit it, I hit it & I wasn't even frighted' (nb, not a spelling error, but how the Tanners
say it) Everyone ducked rapidly & asked her to point the weapon away from us
whilst she did her victory dance.
And Stan, who first of all said 'No thank you', when asked if he would like to have a go,
but soon overcame his reluctance & merrily blasted away like a pro, cracking clays
left, right & centre whilst explaining that 'It was fun, wasn't it ?'
Our hopes that it was beginners luck were dashed as he swung, aimed & blasted,
looking for all the world like a slightly larger Vinnie Jones in 'Lock, Stock...'
Harriette & Alice sensibly declined Eric's offer for them to have a go.
The copious bruising on my right shoulder is testament to their good sense.
Pull !
Eric, who has always cherished hopes that he could convert Michelle to his
hunting ways, couldn't have been more delighted as she took to it so readily.
'It'll be duck-hunting next' he confided to the kids after we had cleared up all the stuff
& retired to the pool for a refreshing dip (for him & the kids) & a soothing foot-dabble
for the more sensible amongst us, who know the pool thermometer is lying when
it posts a temperature of 22 degrees in the pool. Nonsense.
And that about brings us up to date, I think.
The Big Guy has just replenished my vodka & vanilla & we will start posting pics now.
I am back to work tomorrow, 0600 start & working New Years Eve or 'Nyeve' as
Ange pronounces it, as well as New Year's Day. I don't mind, I will explain
my feeling about New years in a later Blog.
To all of you, well almost all, I wish you a happy, peaceful, fun-filled Christmas holidays.
Cx
The last 3 days have been a bit of a blur, I don't think for one moment that I can remember
everything, so I intend to let the pictures do most of the talking.
Stan & I have been left home alone whilst the Tanner posse have headed off to Tauranga to see
friends. We are feeling naughty as we are Blogging & whetting our whistles with vodka-based
foodstuffs. If some of the entry rambles incoherently, then 1 of 2 things have occurred.
Either, I have over-indulged in 'Platinum 7' a delicious vodka & vanilla combo or Stan has wrested
the keyboard from my grip.
If there are those of you thinking that vodka & vanilla at 1853 is excessive then I have one
thing to say,
(35 if you're wondering - is that right Ange ?)
It was Ange's happy task to inform me one year (in about February as I recall) that I had celebrated
my 30th bday too early & was in fact a spring-chicken-like 29)
And so, we all retired to bed relatively early on Christmas Eve, the kids having been threatened/bribed
with the promise of $50 if they were still asleep by 0800.
We converged on the living room at about 0900, the kids neatly dressed & washed & yours truly
letting the side down by appearing in my infamous garb which Eric refers to as
After a spectacular breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit & cream
we gathered at the base of the tree to say a quiet prayer to Jesus to remember this most holy
of days. Yeah right.
What followed was a session, nay an orgy, of tearing tissue, tears, tantrums, tirades &
terrapins (ok, I was struggling with the alliteration)
The highlights were Eric receiving his chainsaw. First time I have seen him speechless.
Michelle receiving her camera.
You shouldn't have (but I am very glad you did)
I got my tractor, albeit Matchbox sized
And Eric receiving his Maori phrasebook.
Let me explain.
Stan & I had a huge amount of fun shopping for Eric's pressies. We knew that he has a hatred
of 'tat' & especially Kiwiana 'tat'. Alice used to buy him ornaments from the local $2 shop & hand
them over with pride & love, her eyes shining at Eric's apparent delight.
These gifts include, a trio of woolly pigs which appear to have fallen from an airplane, and
a morose-looking Collie. Eventually, Eric beseeched Alice not to buy any more of these
gifts, begging her to save her money.
Eric's approach to integration in Zeeland is to wring his hands with horror at how the locals
mangle their vowels & he pledges to speak the Queen's English at all times. He eschews
the local tradition of muffins with coffee at his workplace & sticks steadfastly to his Earl Grey.
He advises the girls that instead of embracing Maori, they should be teaching the Maoris how
to speak English.
If you want to see a parent whose toes curl in mortification, watch Eric when the girls
perform their latest hand-twirling Maori ditty. Michelle will listen in rapt attention, head cocked to
one side, smiling benignly. Sneak a glance at Eric's face however, & you will see the expression
of someone who has bitten into raw liver believing it to be cooked.
When Stan & I went shopping, we found a shop which gloried in all things 'tat'. Amongst the
treasures, we located a snowstorm sheep globe, a nodding Kiwi (which Eric has been
instructed to place in his work van) a glass too small to drink anything from, a squeezy sheep-
shaped pencil sharpener & of course the phrase-book.
Stan took great delight in leaping around the aisles shouting loudly, 'Look at this, it's
even more tacky & useless than the last thing we found' much to my mortification
& the disgust of the 2 ladies working behind the counter.
With our choices gripped tightly in our sweaty hands, we approached the counter, weak
with laughter & at the point when the older lady looked approvingly at our choices &
remarked
'You could shop all day in here couldn't you ?'
we knew that to look at each other would be fateful.
Things worsened however when she lovingly wrapped
The Glass that is Too Small to drink anything from in bubble wrap.
It was all we could do to hand over the readies before fleeing the shop in fits
of screechy, girly giggles.
We determined that we would hand over Eric's pressies with completely straight faces to see if
he would lie convincingly & say how lovely they were. As soon as Eric's face registered the Maori
phrasebook however, we fell about, as you will see.
The most entertaining phrase we have found so far, refers to Unfaithfulness & goes
'Where were you when the fuschia dropped it's leaves ?
Stan has just retired to feed the pigs, apparently dismayed at how long it takes me to write
these entries. He is anxiously waiting for me to finish writing so that he can show me how
to insert pics. I imagine he thought I could trot out this inane stuff at an Archeresque rate.
I think I have disappointed him.
Michelle called for a break on unwrapping pressies for refreshments & so that we could retire outdoors to
It's hard to say whether Eric was more impressed with the chainsaw or with the clay pigeon launcher & clays which Michelle gave him.
More of the latter later.
We ended the day with a quite superb duck dinner (well done all concerned)
and yet more pressie unwrapping.
I am embarrassed to say that I was still unwrapping pressies after everyone else thanks to the
incredible generosity of some lovely friends. Separate 'thank-you' e-mails to follow if you haven't
received yours yet.
Us grown-ups spent the evening on the deck, surrounded by tea-lights & incense-sticks
(Stan's, personally I hate the things) & Michelle chatted with her folks, Ma & Pa Smith.
I spoke to them too, it was good to put voices to the e-mails & we swapped tips
about the best places to play golf. I look forward to meeting them when they arrive in February.
The day ended on a slightly different note when I called Mummie to wish her Happy Christmas.
It was apparent that she was having a difficult day. Her dressings had been removed & she was
understandably shocked when viewing the op site for the first time. We spent a couple of hours
talking & she confessed that she was having trouble managing at home since her discharge
from hosp.
What followed was a couple more hours of fone calls to the hospital, various breast cancer
charities & out of hours social services to see if any assistance could be arranged for her.
Despite an incredibly long & tiring day, both Tanners stayed up with me whilst I made all
these calls, despite the fact they were both obviously flagging.
Michelle, with her nursing background, was especially practical & helpful & it was she who
suggested I call the hospital. Eric placed a fleece around my shoulders as I was shaking
not with cold, but with distress after speaking to Mum.
The hospital have, very surprisingly, offered Mum the option of going back in for a few days.
She is grateful & contemplating it, but my brother, Lloyd, has offered for the next 6 days
at least, to call every day & do odd jobs as well as prepare meals. I may still be heading home
after those 6 days but I am very relieved to know that someone is looking in on her every day.
We finally retired to bed, after I spoke with Lloyd at 0130.
I don't know what I would do without the Tanners sometimes.
Boxing Day
The Tanners friends, the Stokes arrived on Boxing Day, with their parents Anne & Mike in tow.
Kevin was slightly off-form suffering an upset stomach, but despite this, it was generally
a convivial day with the Tanners playing their favourite game ..
'Lets see who can ply the guest with the most food'
I had a bit of a funny turn & (read this next bit in a whisper) ended up straightening
all the girls hair for them. This was very well-received & I suspect I will be very
unpopular with Juliet, who has since been besieged with requests by the girls for
hair-straighteners.
Hannah today asked me how old I was on this birthday. When I told her, she replied
that I looked 'about 24 & was pretty'.
I always did love kids.
With a genius like spasm of inspiration Uncle Stinley suggested the kids retire to the lodgers
cottage to watch the Two Towers. The adults got over 3 hours of quality time & the girls
commenced their education, that is the appreciation of' Him '
One by one all the adults retired to bed & left Stan & I on the opposing sofas
discussing Things & How People Let You Down.
As I related a particularly heartfelt tale of love, pain & betrayal & finished with
'& I suppose that's what hurts most, don't you agree Stan ? .... Stan ? .... Stan ?
My question was met with gentle, reverberating snores, which just goes to show,
we are never as eternally fascinating as we think we are. The funny thing now is that
Stan will always have to pretend he knows what I am talking about when I refer to
the story I told him Boxing Day evening. Either that or admit he fell asleep.
The day when Briggsy was born.
Stan made up for his previous evening's social gaffe by presenting Humpy & I with hot-
buttered toast & steaming tea in bed (or sofa to be accurate). As you will see, I awake
dewy-eyed & gorgeous, just as the freshly made-up lovelies do on day-time tv.
After checking who vomited during the night ... Alice (copiously & lavishly at 0130)
Who felt bad but hadn't vomited ... Kevin, Juliet, Michelle,Stan, Ann & Hannah.
Who had felt bad, but now felt fine ... Eric.
Who hadn't at any stage been Southern Shandy Supping poofters ... Carol, Harriette, Emma & Mike.
We then had a Cluedo style round of 'Who ate what ?'
The rules are somewhat vague & people weren't taking their turn correctly but the game
essentially consists of each person shouting out, in an entirely random fashion, believing their
own input to be singularly interesting ...
'Well, I didn't have the mussels, but I did have the salmon, but I ate salmon at Uncle Derek's funeral
& it didn't disagree with the then' whilst someone undercuts that person with the revelation that
'I did have the lolly kebabs (don't ask) but I didn't have the mussels because I swallowed a
mussel to see what it was like & it came back up again. (I'm not making this up).
Once everyone's stomach contents had been discussed, we retired to the deck for a table-
creakingly large barbecued full-cooked breakfast.
I have a vague recollection of the concept of hunger, prior to meeting the Tanners.
Once the Stokes posse had left (after demands for more hair-straightening had been met)
we converged upon the front paddock for the highlight of the hols so far.
Eric received a clay launcher from Michelle, which the salesman assured her Eric would
be 'rapt' with. I can only assume Eric had been into the shop beforehand to point
out a suitable gift as he was thoroughly delighted.
After staking out a suitably safe vantage point to shoot from, we all had a bash at shooting
clays. Honourable mentions go to Eric who shot with panache & distinction, despite
never having shot a clay before.
Michelle, who, after initially exclaiming 'Jesus' & almost throwing away the shotgun
in surprise at how loud the report was, went on to hit her 2nd clay. In her glee
at hitting only her 2nd shot she swung the gun around, exclaiming in delight
'I hit it, I hit it & I wasn't even frighted' (nb, not a spelling error, but how the Tanners
say it) Everyone ducked rapidly & asked her to point the weapon away from us
whilst she did her victory dance.
And Stan, who first of all said 'No thank you', when asked if he would like to have a go,
but soon overcame his reluctance & merrily blasted away like a pro, cracking clays
left, right & centre whilst explaining that 'It was fun, wasn't it ?'
Our hopes that it was beginners luck were dashed as he swung, aimed & blasted,
looking for all the world like a slightly larger Vinnie Jones in 'Lock, Stock...'
Harriette & Alice sensibly declined Eric's offer for them to have a go.
The copious bruising on my right shoulder is testament to their good sense.
Eric, who has always cherished hopes that he could convert Michelle to his
hunting ways, couldn't have been more delighted as she took to it so readily.
'It'll be duck-hunting next' he confided to the kids after we had cleared up all the stuff
& retired to the pool for a refreshing dip (for him & the kids) & a soothing foot-dabble
for the more sensible amongst us, who know the pool thermometer is lying when
it posts a temperature of 22 degrees in the pool. Nonsense.
And that about brings us up to date, I think.
The Big Guy has just replenished my vodka & vanilla & we will start posting pics now.
I am back to work tomorrow, 0600 start & working New Years Eve or 'Nyeve' as
Ange pronounces it, as well as New Year's Day. I don't mind, I will explain
my feeling about New years in a later Blog.
To all of you, well almost all, I wish you a happy, peaceful, fun-filled Christmas holidays.
Cx
Friday, December 26, 2003
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Monday, December 22, 2003
Sunday, December 21, 2003
"I am Darth Maul & I have 2 light sabers"
Yesterday, I worked for a couple of hours on the morning & went shopping with Stan in Matamata
to buy some things. For reasons which will become apparent, I cannot disclose
the nature of these things, suffice it to say, there will be at least one very happy
bunny in the Tanner household on the morning of the 25th.
Shopping with Stan is an experience.
Those of you with good memories will remember 'gusset-gate' in Woking when Stan accompanied
me on an underwear shop prior to Zeeland.
No transaction can be made without Stan engaging the assistant in conversation.
Each purchase takes at least 10 minutes.
One lady who told us that she would be with us in 'just a minute' was met with the rejoinder
'Don't toy with my emotions, make it 59 seconds'
In one particularly 'manly' shop, a customer was trying on sunglasses. This guy looked like
he used razor-wire to brush his teeth. As he tried on one pair, Stan informed him, without
invitation that he looked very '70's-retro, very Starsky, or do I mean Hutch ?'
I constantly expect Stan to get the s@*t kicked out of him for commenting so directly on
other people's appearances. However, a strange thing happens & people who look like
they may be in a Black Power gang, turn & look at Stan & obviously decide he is harmless
& reply to his comments & observations.
It happened everywhere we went, from Whitcoulls where he informed the cashier that
Cliff Richard was in league with Beelzebub, to the quaint pressie shop where, after exchanging
life stories with the cashier, she bade him farewell, calling out after him to 'Take care now'.
I wish I could open up to strangers & engage them in conversation as easily.
His piece de resistance was still to come.
I waited at the car for him to make his way down the main street.
As he saw me, he commenced skipping down the road, triumphantly waving a large, red
roll of wrapping paper in both meaty hands.
"I am Darth Maul & I have two light sabers" he intoned in a camp
voice. Many shoppers stopped & stared & this in a country where people routinely shop
barefoot, in shorts & vests.
I had an overwhelming urge to explain that we were friends & not married.
After finishing off at the stud in the afternoon & grabbing 10 minutes kip, we headed to Hamilton
for dinner & a movie. I really wanted to see 'Love Actually' & despite being this interested
(hold your thumb & index finger completely together) Stan agreed to accompany me.
We did a little browsing 1st, then had a very tasty dinner & agreed to meet outside the
cinema 10 minutes after Stan had satisfied his need for an oily (cigarette for my USA readers)
(oily rag, fag, Cockney rhyming slang, still with me ? good)
This was the same cinema that we had bought the tickets at only an hour ago, so when the
digital clock showed 2058 & there was still no sign of Stan, I became a little concerned.
The film was due to start at 2100 & I was conscious of the pitying stares I was attracting
from compassionate Kiwis who knew someone who had been stood up when they saw one.
With seconds to spare the big guy came at a mincing run along the gangway, explaining
that he had been standing outside another cinema. Der.
I enjoyed the film hugely, despite Stans gentle, reverberating snores coming from my left.
The place to my right was occupied by a middle-aged man who was determinedly exploring
the recesses of his drinks container with the edge of his plastic straw. The noise was not
unlike a rhino scraping his horn, gently but determinedly up & down a blackboard.
I began at the lower end of the scale by shooting him what I imagined were pointed but
polite looks. He scratched away, resolute & oblivious.
Towards the end of the film I longed to snatch the drinks container from his hand & crumple
it up whilst shouting 'Die Kiwi drink-scraping fiend'
Stan says he enjoyed the film but I don't know how when he watched it through his eyelids.
I found it very, very touching & predict it will be a perennial Christmas classic.
Bill Nighy steals the movie & turns in a toe-curling performance as an ageing rock-star staging
a comeback. Look out for the Ant & Dec scene.
If the name is not familiar, it's the same guy who was the sleazy politician in the most recent
'Auf Wiedersehen Pet'. This man could lecture in sleaze. Very funny.
Very late night, fell asleep on the sofa, to be woken at 0200 by Stan reading snippets of Blog
to me.
Today has been a lovely, lazy day & I really needed it. Wrapped some pressies, wrote last-
minute cards for work chums. Michelle redecorated the tree which fell down after she so
tastefully decorated it yesterday. With incredible tact & diplomacy, she kept the kids away
from it during the decorating process & the end result is a beautiful white & silver tree.
Foty to follow.
Christmas is here, now we have a tree.
Spoke to Mummie for at least 2 hours this morning.
She got back home on Friday & apart from being exhausted is thrilled to be home.
I won't bore you with the details, but there has been a rift in the family which appears
to be diminishing since Mum's op. The phone call was the best Xmas present I could
have asked for (apart from a tractor).
I am hugely relieved to know that Mum has family contact over Xmas & I feel I
can now relax a little & start to enjoy things here.
The biggest treat will be a WHOLE three days of not rising at 0530.
I plan to eat, drink & be merry as well as obviously thinking long & hard about the
day Jesu was born.
Goldfinch mummy has ejected a baby from the nest. Found it on the handrail of the
deck yesterday morning. Have informed social services, they need proof positive
the baby was alive when ejected or they can't touch the mum. Bloody social workers.
Michelle has just sliced the top of her thumb on the hob whilst
making lemon curd. I am ashamed to say I ignored her scream of agony. This is not
as heartless as it may first seem but only because Michelle is very expressive when
it comes to shrieks of despair & gloom.
An expulsion of noise, the volume of which will start all the dogs in the valley howling,
will result in all the occupants of the house, converging on the kitchen expecting to
see pumping arterial blood.
Enquiries will be made of Michelle concerning her health & she will then calmly explain
that the noise was because she has run out of caster sugar.
Spoke with Mx today. Instant rapport. Like her. Like the sexy voice too, which
she assured me was due to phlegm.
Stan rang Mx at 2300 UK time & announced in a booming voice
'Hello from Zeeland, it's ohmyGod time over there'
His next sentence was somewhat quieter,
'Oh hello, is Michelle there please - no ? Sorry wrong number'
Oh - how we laughed.
I also have v. funny news concerning Alice, but can't disclose it on this forum just
yet, until we have told Eric & Michelle, you'll understand why when I tell you later.
That's it for now, take care, enjoy the run up to 'when Jesu was born'
Cx
Yesterday, I worked for a couple of hours on the morning & went shopping with Stan in Matamata
to buy some things. For reasons which will become apparent, I cannot disclose
the nature of these things, suffice it to say, there will be at least one very happy
bunny in the Tanner household on the morning of the 25th.
Shopping with Stan is an experience.
Those of you with good memories will remember 'gusset-gate' in Woking when Stan accompanied
me on an underwear shop prior to Zeeland.
No transaction can be made without Stan engaging the assistant in conversation.
Each purchase takes at least 10 minutes.
One lady who told us that she would be with us in 'just a minute' was met with the rejoinder
'Don't toy with my emotions, make it 59 seconds'
In one particularly 'manly' shop, a customer was trying on sunglasses. This guy looked like
he used razor-wire to brush his teeth. As he tried on one pair, Stan informed him, without
invitation that he looked very '70's-retro, very Starsky, or do I mean Hutch ?'
I constantly expect Stan to get the s@*t kicked out of him for commenting so directly on
other people's appearances. However, a strange thing happens & people who look like
they may be in a Black Power gang, turn & look at Stan & obviously decide he is harmless
& reply to his comments & observations.
It happened everywhere we went, from Whitcoulls where he informed the cashier that
Cliff Richard was in league with Beelzebub, to the quaint pressie shop where, after exchanging
life stories with the cashier, she bade him farewell, calling out after him to 'Take care now'.
I wish I could open up to strangers & engage them in conversation as easily.
His piece de resistance was still to come.
I waited at the car for him to make his way down the main street.
As he saw me, he commenced skipping down the road, triumphantly waving a large, red
roll of wrapping paper in both meaty hands.
"I am Darth Maul & I have two light sabers" he intoned in a camp
voice. Many shoppers stopped & stared & this in a country where people routinely shop
barefoot, in shorts & vests.
I had an overwhelming urge to explain that we were friends & not married.
After finishing off at the stud in the afternoon & grabbing 10 minutes kip, we headed to Hamilton
for dinner & a movie. I really wanted to see 'Love Actually' & despite being this interested
(hold your thumb & index finger completely together) Stan agreed to accompany me.
We did a little browsing 1st, then had a very tasty dinner & agreed to meet outside the
cinema 10 minutes after Stan had satisfied his need for an oily (cigarette for my USA readers)
(oily rag, fag, Cockney rhyming slang, still with me ? good)
This was the same cinema that we had bought the tickets at only an hour ago, so when the
digital clock showed 2058 & there was still no sign of Stan, I became a little concerned.
The film was due to start at 2100 & I was conscious of the pitying stares I was attracting
from compassionate Kiwis who knew someone who had been stood up when they saw one.
With seconds to spare the big guy came at a mincing run along the gangway, explaining
that he had been standing outside another cinema. Der.
I enjoyed the film hugely, despite Stans gentle, reverberating snores coming from my left.
The place to my right was occupied by a middle-aged man who was determinedly exploring
the recesses of his drinks container with the edge of his plastic straw. The noise was not
unlike a rhino scraping his horn, gently but determinedly up & down a blackboard.
I began at the lower end of the scale by shooting him what I imagined were pointed but
polite looks. He scratched away, resolute & oblivious.
Towards the end of the film I longed to snatch the drinks container from his hand & crumple
it up whilst shouting 'Die Kiwi drink-scraping fiend'
Stan says he enjoyed the film but I don't know how when he watched it through his eyelids.
I found it very, very touching & predict it will be a perennial Christmas classic.
Bill Nighy steals the movie & turns in a toe-curling performance as an ageing rock-star staging
a comeback. Look out for the Ant & Dec scene.
If the name is not familiar, it's the same guy who was the sleazy politician in the most recent
'Auf Wiedersehen Pet'. This man could lecture in sleaze. Very funny.
Very late night, fell asleep on the sofa, to be woken at 0200 by Stan reading snippets of Blog
to me.
Today has been a lovely, lazy day & I really needed it. Wrapped some pressies, wrote last-
minute cards for work chums. Michelle redecorated the tree which fell down after she so
tastefully decorated it yesterday. With incredible tact & diplomacy, she kept the kids away
from it during the decorating process & the end result is a beautiful white & silver tree.
Foty to follow.
Christmas is here, now we have a tree.
Spoke to Mummie for at least 2 hours this morning.
She got back home on Friday & apart from being exhausted is thrilled to be home.
I won't bore you with the details, but there has been a rift in the family which appears
to be diminishing since Mum's op. The phone call was the best Xmas present I could
have asked for (apart from a tractor).
I am hugely relieved to know that Mum has family contact over Xmas & I feel I
can now relax a little & start to enjoy things here.
The biggest treat will be a WHOLE three days of not rising at 0530.
I plan to eat, drink & be merry as well as obviously thinking long & hard about the
day Jesu was born.
Goldfinch mummy has ejected a baby from the nest. Found it on the handrail of the
deck yesterday morning. Have informed social services, they need proof positive
the baby was alive when ejected or they can't touch the mum. Bloody social workers.
Michelle has just sliced the top of her thumb on the hob whilst
making lemon curd. I am ashamed to say I ignored her scream of agony. This is not
as heartless as it may first seem but only because Michelle is very expressive when
it comes to shrieks of despair & gloom.
An expulsion of noise, the volume of which will start all the dogs in the valley howling,
will result in all the occupants of the house, converging on the kitchen expecting to
see pumping arterial blood.
Enquiries will be made of Michelle concerning her health & she will then calmly explain
that the noise was because she has run out of caster sugar.
Spoke with Mx today. Instant rapport. Like her. Like the sexy voice too, which
she assured me was due to phlegm.
Stan rang Mx at 2300 UK time & announced in a booming voice
'Hello from Zeeland, it's ohmyGod time over there'
His next sentence was somewhat quieter,
'Oh hello, is Michelle there please - no ? Sorry wrong number'
Oh - how we laughed.
I also have v. funny news concerning Alice, but can't disclose it on this forum just
yet, until we have told Eric & Michelle, you'll understand why when I tell you later.
That's it for now, take care, enjoy the run up to 'when Jesu was born'
Cx
Saturday, December 20, 2003
Mobile phone
If I have ignored any of your txs recently then I haven't
really. My fone has been sulking for a couple of days & turning
itself on & off at random moments.
It has now finally given up the ghost & died completely.
Enquiries are in hand to send it away for repair but if you need
to get in touch with me, then e-mail is the only way.
Mummie, lovely to hear from you again.
I will call you tomorrow morning our time (Sat eve your time)
You are allowed to open 1 pressie, but only a ickle one & not
the big one.
Cx
If I have ignored any of your txs recently then I haven't
really. My fone has been sulking for a couple of days & turning
itself on & off at random moments.
It has now finally given up the ghost & died completely.
Enquiries are in hand to send it away for repair but if you need
to get in touch with me, then e-mail is the only way.
Mummie, lovely to hear from you again.
I will call you tomorrow morning our time (Sat eve your time)
You are allowed to open 1 pressie, but only a ickle one & not
the big one.
Cx
Friday, December 19, 2003
Him
We went to see Him last night.
No superlatives I can employ can do justice to the film.
I will say that it is, for me, the benchmark, for all other action films now.
The battle scenes were mind-blowing in their complexity.
2 scenes to look out for are the beacons in the mountains & Legolas
taking out the fighting elephant.
I found it very emotional & remembered how films 1 & 2 played such
a pivotal role in my arrival in Zeeland.
At the end, as Frodo is summing up his adventures & his return to his everyday
life he muses to himself 'How can I pick up the threads of a normal life ?'
How indeed ?
Stan met some of my friends from the stud. Dean & Natasha, Agnes & Naomi &
of course, Kylie. It would be fair to say they hit it off. They laughed & joked
non-stop during the drive to Te Awamutu. Poor Kylie listened in bemused
wonder, as Stan rattled away 19 to the dozen.
After a quick KFC in a beautiful ickle park, where Stan regaled the girls with
tales of his adventures we made our way to the cinema.
Hitman, Stan took the following just to prove there is no club-foot or hunch.
Quite the contrary, I think you will agree.
Was my description accurate ?
Before long, we were seated, ice-creams in hand & agog with anticipation.
Agog
I must away for now, we plan to do some last minute Xmas shopping in
Cambridge tomorrow, after I work in the morning.
Blog entries are likely to be shorter whilst Stan is here, as it's more fun
to speak with him, than to type about him.
Mummie was due to be released home on Thursday, this has now been
put back to Friday. This means I can ring her at home tomorrow
Sorry if this is a little flat, i am just exhausted 7 desperate for a lie-in.
As wonderful as the weather has been, it is very tiring to work in.
Newsflash.
The goldfinch nesting on my deck has hatched her eggs.
Desperate to look at the babies but worried Mum may disappear
if the nest is disturbed. The suspense is killing me.
Foties to follow.
Take care all,
Cx
We went to see Him last night.
No superlatives I can employ can do justice to the film.
I will say that it is, for me, the benchmark, for all other action films now.
The battle scenes were mind-blowing in their complexity.
2 scenes to look out for are the beacons in the mountains & Legolas
taking out the fighting elephant.
I found it very emotional & remembered how films 1 & 2 played such
a pivotal role in my arrival in Zeeland.
At the end, as Frodo is summing up his adventures & his return to his everyday
life he muses to himself 'How can I pick up the threads of a normal life ?'
How indeed ?
Stan met some of my friends from the stud. Dean & Natasha, Agnes & Naomi &
of course, Kylie. It would be fair to say they hit it off. They laughed & joked
non-stop during the drive to Te Awamutu. Poor Kylie listened in bemused
wonder, as Stan rattled away 19 to the dozen.
After a quick KFC in a beautiful ickle park, where Stan regaled the girls with
tales of his adventures we made our way to the cinema.
Hitman, Stan took the following just to prove there is no club-foot or hunch.
Quite the contrary, I think you will agree.
Was my description accurate ?
Before long, we were seated, ice-creams in hand & agog with anticipation.
I must away for now, we plan to do some last minute Xmas shopping in
Cambridge tomorrow, after I work in the morning.
Blog entries are likely to be shorter whilst Stan is here, as it's more fun
to speak with him, than to type about him.
Mummie was due to be released home on Thursday, this has now been
put back to Friday. This means I can ring her at home tomorrow
Sorry if this is a little flat, i am just exhausted 7 desperate for a lie-in.
As wonderful as the weather has been, it is very tiring to work in.
Newsflash.
The goldfinch nesting on my deck has hatched her eggs.
Desperate to look at the babies but worried Mum may disappear
if the nest is disturbed. The suspense is killing me.
Foties to follow.
Take care all,
Cx
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
He's here !
The human whirlwind that is Stan has arrived.
Can you imagine how frustrating it is being at work all day, knowing that your
chum is at home & you have to do an 11 hour day before you can get your hug ?
The 20 minute drive home seemed interminable.
I got out of the car, made my way to the deck & there he was in all
his glory. Open shirt, shorts, piercings galore, silly hat.
I said Good Afternoon to Eric then went to find Stan.
One huge hug later & I was transported back to a May evening in Hersham.
Shortly after & I was being swamped with goodies & cards & the best ever
t-shirt.
'Tell dem how you feeeeel'
' Does my my bum look big in this ?'
Thank you to everyone who signed & special thanks to the music providers
Hitman & Tony. Can't wait to listen to uplifting trance, cheers Tone.
Thanks Mia for the neddy, he will keep me safe from the real ones.
The special delivery from Heathrow was received safely.
Muffin Time
We talked on the deck before dinner (he talked, I listened, not often I say that)
& then sat down to a lovely dinner with the Tanners.
They have gone to bed now as they got up at 0330 to collect Uncle Stinley
from the airport. Stan has disappeared too for that matter (shower ?).
I am sorry if this rambles & is a bit disjointed, trying to finish it so I can
ring my Mum.
Hoping to go see 'him' in Return of the King tomorrow, will go to cinema at
lunchtime & try & beat the rush for tickets in the evening.
Michelle reports that tickets are very scarce so will try & get Stan on-line.
Something tells me Te Awamutu may not be on-line ?
Enough for now,
thanks again to everyone for all the messages brought with Stan
STRE - Cyprus coin & coke machine, remind me again of the context, it's
ringing hazy bells ?
Stu - How did the interview go ?
Cx
The human whirlwind that is Stan has arrived.
Can you imagine how frustrating it is being at work all day, knowing that your
chum is at home & you have to do an 11 hour day before you can get your hug ?
The 20 minute drive home seemed interminable.
I got out of the car, made my way to the deck & there he was in all
his glory. Open shirt, shorts, piercings galore, silly hat.
I said Good Afternoon to Eric then went to find Stan.
One huge hug later & I was transported back to a May evening in Hersham.
Shortly after & I was being swamped with goodies & cards & the best ever
t-shirt.
Thank you to everyone who signed & special thanks to the music providers
Hitman & Tony. Can't wait to listen to uplifting trance, cheers Tone.
Thanks Mia for the neddy, he will keep me safe from the real ones.
The special delivery from Heathrow was received safely.
We talked on the deck before dinner (he talked, I listened, not often I say that)
& then sat down to a lovely dinner with the Tanners.
They have gone to bed now as they got up at 0330 to collect Uncle Stinley
from the airport. Stan has disappeared too for that matter (shower ?).
I am sorry if this rambles & is a bit disjointed, trying to finish it so I can
ring my Mum.
Hoping to go see 'him' in Return of the King tomorrow, will go to cinema at
lunchtime & try & beat the rush for tickets in the evening.
Michelle reports that tickets are very scarce so will try & get Stan on-line.
Something tells me Te Awamutu may not be on-line ?
Enough for now,
thanks again to everyone for all the messages brought with Stan
STRE - Cyprus coin & coke machine, remind me again of the context, it's
ringing hazy bells ?
Stu - How did the interview go ?
Cx
Monday, December 15, 2003
"Smashing"
My Mum rang me yesterday morning at 0530.
Mobile to mobile, I shudder to think of the cost, but a lovely Xmas pressie.
I won't lie, she sounded down at the beginning of the conversation &
explained that she had just had 3 of 6 drips removed & they were
uncomfortable. Her checks had been reduced from 15 to 30 minutes.
She is also sore as she can't find a comfortable position to lie in.
However, I am not allowed to tell you any of this & she bid me tell you
all that she feels "smashing".
I am pleased to say she sounded happier at the end of the call than the
beginning.
She passes regards to all Bloggers & says she will be back on this forum soon.
Cx
My Mum rang me yesterday morning at 0530.
Mobile to mobile, I shudder to think of the cost, but a lovely Xmas pressie.
I won't lie, she sounded down at the beginning of the conversation &
explained that she had just had 3 of 6 drips removed & they were
uncomfortable. Her checks had been reduced from 15 to 30 minutes.
She is also sore as she can't find a comfortable position to lie in.
However, I am not allowed to tell you any of this & she bid me tell you
all that she feels "smashing".
I am pleased to say she sounded happier at the end of the call than the
beginning.
She passes regards to all Bloggers & says she will be back on this forum soon.
Cx
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Saturday, December 13, 2003
“It’s only trying to run away from Carol’s shorts”
I spoke with Amanda, the nurse who is looking after Mum last night.
She was very pleasant & said that Mum was ‘comfortable’ after her ‘op.
Why do they always say that ?
She also said that she had been looking forward to my call – aah.
Apparently I won’t be able to speak to her until Sunday tea-time (UK time)
which will be Monday morning for me. I will try & call her from work & let you
know how she is doing.
I received a telephone call from Stan, aka Queenie today.
It was 0035 UK time & it commenced with a bellowed ‘HELLO NEW ZEEEEEALAND’.
Lovely Col informed me that it was a very good turnout for Stan’s do,
which doesn’t surprise me. If you don’t know him, you would never
believe he was Old Bill.
He was calling from his leaving do & it was difficult to grasp that he was in
Kingston with lots of people I know.
Speaking to one of them in particular was a real treat.
You know who you are.
Your text messages made my day.
Isn’t it funny how you can e-mail & write to people quite calmly without feeling
homesick ? The sound of a person’s voice however, is so evocative, so immediate,
such an assault on your senses, that you experience a physical pull.
I have lots of news so excuse me if some of this is in abbreviated form otherwise
you’ll be reading for hours.
Eric has been butchering one quarter of no.47 for most of the day, having let the meat hang for a suitable time.
The house smells pretty ripe but the contents have filled lots of ickle polythene bags
& yes, Bill, it will be steak muffins from now.
Michelle has just returned from dropping the girls at a sleep-over party.
They start their 6 week holidays soon & will be fantastic company for Stan.
Perhaps he can get them out of the habit of disagreeing with, or complaining
about everything they are asked to do ?
‘Come on Uncle Stin…’
I did some Xmas shopping for Mum in Cambridge today. Amazingly, due to an Xmas
parade, the shops were actually open. Usually, they close at midday on a Saturday,
an oversight which I find hard to excuse in such a dedicated tourist trap.
The weather here is doing bizarre things. It is either fiercely hot or torrential downpours.
I burned at work yesterday, despite being slathered in Factor 30.
Shorts & vest tops are de rigeur every day at work, if it rains, you get wet, then
dry off when the sun next comes out. It is simply too hot to wear anything else.
I caused a bit of a sensation in the shorts I wore yesterday.
Stu – remember those blue & black striped Adidas numbers that matched the
vest-top you had ? Well – they seem to have ended up in my suitcase.
Don’t know how ?
As I walked onto the yard yesterday, Natasha said ‘Bloody hell – look at Carol’
Dean passed some comment about the legs but Millie got the laughs by saying
‘Never mind the legs – I want a pup out of those shorts’
I didn’t hear the end of it all day & every time one of the horses played up the cry
would go out ‘It’s only trying to run away from Carol’s shorts’.
I consoled myself by knowing they were only jealous.
Work continues to be hard, absorbing & mostly fun, apart from a new member of
staff who appears to be making it her life’s work to make my life a misery.
I have found her antagonism particularly tough to swallow this week, when my
priorities are elsewhere. She is one of those women, scarily common in the equine
world who seems to think success can only be gained by being tougher & more
coarse than the men. And smoking roll-ups. Classy.
I think we may be having words if her attitude towards me continues.
Inca retrieved a rabbit shot by Eric recently & we haven’t heard the end of it.
It is a family joke that Inca is Eric’s ‘gun-dog’. Eric would love to have the leisure
time necessary to train Inca & use him for that purpose. The fact is that the closest
Inca has come to being a gun-dog is when their neighbours threatened to shoot him
for being in the same paddock as their sheep.
Now, Eric calls Inca ‘my gun-dog’ all the time & Bin has fallen even further from grace.
He is simply referred to as the ‘useless fat knacker’. That will screw up the Job’s firewall system Hadders.
The boys diets are going very well. Stinky is now 40.8 kgs, having been 42 & Bin
is looking less Hattersleyesque at a newly svelte 42.4kgs. His commencing bulk
was 46kgs, I seem to recall. Bin is even starting to develop a chin & jaw rather than
a head which seemed squodged onto his body like a child might model in Plasticine
This week, we were allocated the neddies we are to prepare for the sales in January.
The next few paragraphs will be neddy-oriented, so to avoid boredom,
please skip, unless you are that way inclined ie.Trudes, Cocky, Mx or Taff.
I was very pleased to be allocated Sustaad & What Can I Say.
Slightly less so, Real Success & Racey Belle.
Sustaad is the most handsome colt on the farm & can be a bit of a handful.
He is very dominant & tried, at first, to place his head over my shoulders & bear
down on me. He has also tried to bite a couple of times.
I have explained it isn’t acceptable & we have got on famously, if with a little reserve
since. He seems clever & appears to think a lot about things. He will often lunge
forefeet-first for the person who goes to clip him up to lead him off the walker .
Having said that, we seem to respect one another & I was very pleased to be trusted
to manage him.
He is very dark brown with a tiny speck of white in the centre of his forehead.
What Can I Say is the filly who I have bonded with most closely.
She is bay, with an elongated white star, in the centre of her forehead & white bits
on her feet. She can be very head-shy for other people but will allow me to hold her
head & scratch her face all over with a rubber grooming mitt. The next bit will sound
a bit nauseating I know, but please allow me a moments smugness.
Kylie asked me for a hand yesterday, doing up the front of Watties (as she is more commonly known) rug. She would not stand still for Kylie & was weaving around the box, generally being a pain.
I entered the box & told her to stand still. She immediately came over & dropped her
head into my hands to allow me to do her rug. It was very touching & Kylie said
‘Aah – she really likes you doesn’t she ?’
She also had ultrasound treatment on her leg yesterday & as she is so highly-strung, requires sedation for it.
After the treatment, I called to her over the top of the door to see how she was feeling. She raised her head & whickered at me. That lovely, soft rumble which horses usually
only make when there is food on the go.
If you are non-horsey I suspect this will leave you cold, but it was a lovely moment
for me, as it is the 1st time I have heard one of these horses call to anyone.
Indulgence over, forgive me.
Real Success is a bay colt (by Zabeel, Taff) with a long white stripe down the centre of his face.
I know very little about him so far, except that he has,
in the past, deliberately stood on my feet a couple of times when I have been leading
him. He is very fidgety to groom & so far we seem to have no real connection.
The last horse, Racey Belle, is probably the most challenging.
Remember the occasion when Trina was dragged by a colt who promptly ran through
a gate lacerating his chest ? That was Racey. He ran away because he was flighty & disrespectful
& he lost ground being prepared as he has had to have box-rest to allow
his chest to heal.
His chest has healed beautifully but the numerous visits from the vet with sharp, pointy things have left him
distrustful of people. He takes the longestto groom as you have
to be very slow & calm with him. He also tries to bite & you have to be very tactful in
your punishment as his fear leads to him trying to charge away from you around the box.
He is probably the showiest of the horses with a lot of white & I will be interested to
see how he develops with our one-on-one relationship.
Non-neddy types, please re-join here.
Justine, you will be pleased, I know, to hear that I have got all the staff at the stud
using my catch-phrase for when horses are playing up.
For the rest of you not in the know, here’s what you do.
Weeny, I expect you & the other girls to be doing this out loud.
Grit your teeth, do not, under any circumstances, open them when you speak.
Now, in a very threatening manner, mixing in a bit of a growl, shout
‘PACKIIIIITIIIIIN !’ all in one word & still without opening your teeth.
I find this most effective & much more rewarding than the rather effeminate ‘Quit it !’
which all the Kiwis were saying upon my arrival.
I am pleased to report it’s usage is now commonplace.
I expect it to feature in the 2004 OED.
Brent informed us on Friday, that the horses we have been given, will be swapped
around before the sales. This is for three reasons. Firstly, the horses could be groomed
by many different people in one day at the sales. If they only experience the one
handler at home, this could make life difficult, especially for the sensitive ones.
Secondly, the way one person grooms, is totally different from another, although we
are all supposed to follow a basic template.
(If you’re wondering Linda, this is what we do …
All over curry with grooming mitt, rub down with damp cloth soaked in Dettol,
pick out feet, firm all over brushing, wash face eyes & nose with Dettol-soaked cloth,
damp mane down to lie on off-side, pick shavings out of tail DO NOT BRUSH, in case they have no tail at sales ! ,
wash bottom with Dettol-soaked cloth. Do not touch ie.clean, colts portions unless you want someone to come peel
you off the stable wall afterwards. )
Your grooming kit must be washed in disinfectant & your Dettol water discarded between each horse to avoid passing on any infections.
Thirdly, different people spot different problems with horses, the more people groom a horse prior to it’s sale, the better chance of a fault being detected.
I know all the above makes perfect sense but I am already dreading someone else grooming my Watties !
I will take some pics of MY neddies to show you soon.
We paraded all 38 horses on Thursday to a couple of bloodstock agents.
This entails the horses being turned out to a very high standard & led for the agents
to get a good look at.
What was interesting was that because you seldom get to see the horses individually,
you can tend to take them a little for granted.
Seeing them looking immaculate & being paraded by someone such as Ledge,who can really
get the best from them was a complete eye-opener.
I looked at Watties & Sustaad in particular & thought what utterly stunning creatures
they were & how lucky I was to handle them. Thoroughbreds can certainly stir your soul.
The Stud is home to hundreds of birds, sparrows & starlings especially love to nest in
the stables. Sadly, lots of fledglings fall from their nests, into the beds. Every morning
we find dozens of baby birds at advanced stages of development. Some can be
released into the comparative safety of the yard, others are too early to be released
& always die, despite my best efforts at putting them in safe spots.
Claire has made a spectacularly quick recovery & has returned to half days this week
after only 3 weeks off. Her face shows very little scarring & the only indication of her injuries
are small, vivid, red marks at the corners of each eye.
The surgeon says these will fade. She is on every vitamin & skin cream known to
mankind & has to massage her body bruises daily to prevent clots.
She has very bravely made no fuss about leading horses again, although at this stage
it’s just fillies. She says she is happy to lead colts again & explains that because she
can’t remember the accident it doesn’t faze her. For those of us that saw the accident,
it’s a slightly different story.
This week, Kylie & I went to see ‘Calendar Girls’ in Te Awamutu.
We were much more organised this time & had a full hour to eat our Indian.
Although more satisfying to eat that way, it was much less exciting.
This time I threw the popcorn all over the floor. It was HER fault though.
She patted a space next to her seat & invited me to set it down instead of holding it.
I deposited the box where she had indicated, and it fell into the space where her hand
had been & all over the floor.
Neither of us had enjoyed a single piece of the popcorn & it was some time before she could stop
giggling, & compose herself to reply to my question asking if I should go buy some more.
The man in the kiosk (that’s correct - our chum from last week)remarked pleasantly
that we must be ‘very hungry’ to want a second box of popcorn so soon after
taking our seats.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him he would be clearing up the contents of the 1st box
after the film had finished.
If you haven’t seen ‘Calendar Girls’ I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Even Eric said it ‘wasn’t just a chick flick’. I suppose the fact that it is set in Yorkshire
& tells a story about leukaemia made it particularly poignant for me. But Kylie enjoyed it hugely too,
even if she did have to politely murmur ‘Mmmm, really ?’ every time I jabbed
her in the ribs pointing out a selection of Yorkshire beauty spots.
Mum, the next bit’s for you (& Stu, you may know some of the places too)
Featured are the Cow & Calf, The Tennants Arms in Kilnsey, Skipton High Street
(Helen Mirren goes shopping there !!) The fictional village which the whole film is
set in is Knapeley, which I am convinced is Burnsall.
Do you agree ? I am also pretty sure that Penelope Wilton’s character runs after her husbands car in Lothersdale.
Remember the place at the top of the village where we had a hot toddy before doing
that very long, cold Boxing Day walk ?
Anyway, it’s a terrific film, with a stunningly good cast & Helen Mirren, in particular,
steals the film. One to watch again & again to make you feel good. Watch out for
Mirrens’ speech to the WI in County Hall
‘I ‘ate plum jam me’ Superb.
When I first moved to the Waikato area, I remember Michelle telling me about the spectacular mists here. I was a bit non-plussed at the time, wondering how a mist
could be described as such. I envisaged damp fog everywhere & it’s only just recently
I have understood what she meant.
I travel to work just after 0600 as the valleys are warming up.
The mist sits in cobweb pockets in the most extraordinary way.
It caresses the hills like a casually discarded chiffon scarf. I will take some pictures but
I fear even Pearl will be hard pressed to accurately represent how ethereal the valleys appear at dawn
in their wispy shroud.
Stu, I know had a very hard time getting hold of me by phone this week.
To clear up any discrepancies & to make it easier should any of you want to call,
these are the hours I do at the moment.
We expect to start earlier & earlier as the season gets busier & once in Karaka it will be 0430 starts for the sales.
Deep joy.
Leave home at 0600 to arrive for 0620, for 0630 start.
My fone is silent all day as it would be just too ‘Father Ted’ to have mobiles ringing
around these young horses. Picture the scene, just as you’ve succeeded in picking up a hind foot to pick out,
your phone trills the Blue Danube & it’s a one-way ticket to ICU.
I check my messages at morning smoko (Kiwi for tea-break)
which is between 0930 & 1000. We finish at 1630 & I then turn my fone on.
Feel free to ring the mobile or the landline in the evening (any time after 0600 UK time)
but try to not to call after 0800, which is 2100 here & the kids are likely to be in bed.
Me too, for that matter.
I do those hours, 6 days a week & get either Sat or Sun off.
All in all, it’s probably best to tx 1st & ask if I am about ?
By all means leave voicemail messages, especially if you like the Kiwi chick’s accent
but remember, I can’t always pick them up immediately.
So – that’s all clear then ? Good.
Eric & Michelle are going out for an Indian tonight. The 1st one, newly-opened in
Matamata, your average Kiwi could not best be described as a bon-viveur.
I have declined their kind offer to join them as I think they should enjoy a non-child,
non Mummy & Daddy evening.
I also have to finish some e-mails to accompany Christmas cards.
Harriette has kindly put a notice on the dining-room wall asking us to name 3 things we would like for Christmas.
My list reads
1. George Clooney
2. A tractor
3. A Californian Sea Otter.
I am so excited, only 12 sleeps to go, I worry if George will like NZ and my blue & black shorts ?
Must go forage some dinner now, anything but beef.
Take care all,
Cx
ps. I have found Blog very enjoyable to do this evening, it feels odd when you lot
aren’t up to date with all the news. I can relax now.
Friday, December 12, 2003
'She's sleeping now ...'
Think French & Saunders, doing Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.
I rang the hospital at 0600 this morning (5pm UK time) to be told
that Mum was still in theatre & to call back in an hour.
The next time I was able to call was at 0750 & she had just come
back to the ward. The nurse was lovely, but details were a little
sketchy as I was calling from my mobile & had to talk whilst walking
between jobs.
The nurse said the op had gone well & Mum was asleep.
I asked her to tell Mum that I had called & I will call again this
evening & hope to catch her awake.
Thanks again for all the supportive texts & e-mails over the past 24 hours.
You are a top bunch.
Off for a bath now as I stink.
Loads to tell, will do it tomorrow as I have a day off.
After the world's longest lie-in.
Until later,
Cx
Think French & Saunders, doing Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.
I rang the hospital at 0600 this morning (5pm UK time) to be told
that Mum was still in theatre & to call back in an hour.
The next time I was able to call was at 0750 & she had just come
back to the ward. The nurse was lovely, but details were a little
sketchy as I was calling from my mobile & had to talk whilst walking
between jobs.
The nurse said the op had gone well & Mum was asleep.
I asked her to tell Mum that I had called & I will call again this
evening & hope to catch her awake.
Thanks again for all the supportive texts & e-mails over the past 24 hours.
You are a top bunch.
Off for a bath now as I stink.
Loads to tell, will do it tomorrow as I have a day off.
After the world's longest lie-in.
Until later,
Cx
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Thank you
to each & every one of you who has taken the time to contact Mummie in
the last few days. She goes into hospital today (your time) to have the op
tomorrow. Your kind wishes & forwarded 'funnies' have made all the
difference to us both. I think getting a computer at the time she did was a
stroke of genius.
As things stand, I am not coming home for Christmas unless I see the smoke
signals across the Pacific, in which case then I will.
I remember my Mum telling me that I had a great bunch of friends before
Blog was even a twinkle in Stan's eye. She was right.
I would just add that I have a great Mum too.
One positive thing to come from this episode is that we are closer than ever.
Please forgive the brief entry, I will get maudlin if I carry on.
Goodnight all,
Cx
Big hug to the loveliest of friends who knows that new friends are silver
& the old are gold.
Contact me as & when.
to each & every one of you who has taken the time to contact Mummie in
the last few days. She goes into hospital today (your time) to have the op
tomorrow. Your kind wishes & forwarded 'funnies' have made all the
difference to us both. I think getting a computer at the time she did was a
stroke of genius.
As things stand, I am not coming home for Christmas unless I see the smoke
signals across the Pacific, in which case then I will.
I remember my Mum telling me that I had a great bunch of friends before
Blog was even a twinkle in Stan's eye. She was right.
I would just add that I have a great Mum too.
One positive thing to come from this episode is that we are closer than ever.
Please forgive the brief entry, I will get maudlin if I carry on.
Goodnight all,
Cx
Big hug to the loveliest of friends who knows that new friends are silver
& the old are gold.
Contact me as & when.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Monday, December 08, 2003
Myopic gerbil
I wanted to tell you about the visit Kylie & I paid to the cinema last week.
It was quite an experience.
We were too late to catch the 1820 showing at Hamilton & so headed out to
Te Awamutu (Tee-ar-wa-moo-too) to see it at 2020.
We had decided to eat at the local Indian restaurant (only 100 yards from
this cinema) prior to watching the film.
We arrived in Te Awamutu with 30 minutes to spare. A telephone conversation
with Bill en route, convinced me we should buy our tickets before eating, in
case the cinema was busy.
As we reached the double doors to the cinema, we espied a hand-written note,
stuck to the door advising us to 'Use Other Door', with an arrow indicating to the
right. We duly walked up the main street, looking for another door. At the point
where one building stopped & another began, we realised we had maybe walked
too far.
Retracing our steps, we arrived back at the double doors. It was at this point
we simultaneously realised our mistake & pushed open the right hand door
of the pair of doors. Der.
Once inside, an elderly chap sold us our tickets & we made our way to the wine
bar he had recommended for something to eat. It was apparent from the
huge number of people waiting for food that we would not be served in
our remaining 20 minutes.
It was with 15 minutes to spare that we hurried into the Indian & asked if they
could serve us within that time, as we were due to see a film. Somewhat
bemusedly, they set about preparing our meal.
It was put in front of us with exactly 5 minutes to go beofre the film started.
We had to eat with 2 hands permanently moving & Kylie got the giggles
as I kept urging her to 'chew faster' & threatening to take her plate away.
With apologies to the staff for treating their food as if it was a Big Mac,
we rushed to the cinema.
The same chap who had sold us our tickets was now sweeping the pavement
outside. He then ducked into the kiosk & sold us our ice-cream & popcorn.
His next job was to usher us to our seats with the other 4 people to see the film.
Things were as expected until half way through the movie. At this point, the lights
came up & a red & yellow sign announced that it was the Intermission.
The last time there was one of those was when I was about 10 & I saw
'Lady & the Tramp' at Yeadon. (I cried)
Kylie offered to go & get drinks saying that as soon as her
'...backside left the seat, the film was sure to start again'
It did.
She made her way down to the front of the auditorium, with all 5 of us
watching her. It was at the curtain on front of the door that things got
difficult. Firstly, she tried to find the edge of the curtain by pulling her
right hand vaguely at chest height from right to left.
Having been unsuccessful, she decided the elusive opening would be
more easily located by emplyoying her hands above head height along the
top of the curtain in a ruffling motion. She looked like a midget harp player.
At this point it became obvious that all 5 of us were disregarding the film
as the lady to my rear called out
'What's the matter - can't you get out ?'
Kylie looked, shamefacedly, over her left shoulder, whilst still
employing her hands in the manner previously described, now
resembling a myopic gerbil.
If any of you have kept gerbils, just think of the way they scrabble at the
glass of their cages, whilst standing on their hind legs. That's Kylie, that is.
Kylie confessed that she couldn't get out & the woman advised her to pull
the curtain away from the door & walk through it. I was snuffling & snotting
into my popcorn by now, as it's usually me making the plum of myself.
I was still giggling as she returned, but I should have known better.
Towards the end of the film, I heard my phone drop to the floor. Not wanting
to distract my 5 neighbours from the film, I decided to pick it up at the end.
At the credits, nobody moved & so I surreptitiously got to my hands &
knees to ferret around for it.
'What are you doing ?' asked Kylie in a stage whisper.
'Looking for my phone' I replied.
She promptly kicked over the popcorn as she stooped to assist.
Some 2 minutes after the final credits had rolled, none of the other 4
viewers had moved. I realised they were obviously watching Kylie & I,
snuffling around on the floor, crunching through popcorn like a pair of
small, hunched moles looking for worms.
'What are you doing ?' called the young man, who so far, had not spoken.
'Looking for my phone' I replied, still, incongruously, whispering.
'We thought you were both hiding' he said 'to see the film again for free'
before coming, with the other couple to assist in the search.
As I type this, it's not nearly as amusing as it was at the time, but I love
this country for the fact that 4 complete strangers will help you search for
your lost property. The phone was eventually located, jammed between two
arms of adjacent seats by the husband of the lady who had guided Kylie
beyond the confusion that was the velvet curtain.
Outside on the pavement we were weak with laughter & promised to do it
again soon. I am enjoying Kylie's company hugley & as much as I adored
Mal, it is nice to have a friend, my own age & gender.
She would slot quite easily into the Coven, she gets the humour & we
only have to look at each other to get the giggles. Her guaranteed method
for setting me off is to stand outside a stall watching me with a truculent horse.
She will remain, unannounced, until I let rip a particularly ripe volley of insults
towards said neddy.
"Like your work" she will say, before sauntering off, leaving me laughing helplessly.
Stan, I look forward to you meeting her, she has been warned.
Must disappear to Bedfordshire now, 0615 start in the morning & I
still have to prepare my lunch.
The Tanners ate no.47's heart this evening.
I passed & had corned beef hash.
Harriette called me a wuss.
I am quite happy to agree with her.
Ma & Pa Smith, I passed on your recommendations re;home-culling.
The address for the hospital is
Bradford Royal Infirmary
Duckworth Lane
Bradford
West Yorkshire
BD9 6RJ
A card is a lovely idea, the more the merrier.
Stan,
9 sleeps to go, you must be driving everyone potty !
Poor Col & Andy.
Justine & Malc,
I finally read both your e-mails together yesterday.
For some reason, they were both at the beginning of the Inbox
filed along with March of this year.
If you haven't found out already, the stud is just outside Cambridge
between Leamington & Karapiro. I would love to meet up.
Perhaps you would like a nosey round the stud ?
Will e-mail you properly soon.
Stu,
Have probably been blocking the landline by being on-line.
Have you got your pooter yet ?
Will be free for a chat between 0530 & 0600, whilst en route
to work, which will be between 1630 & 1700 for you.
Hello to all the girls.
Mum
Hope the moggies are looking after you ?
If not - threaten them with the grapefruit helmets.
Big Hug.
Cx
ps. No Blog tomorrow, will be out straight after work.
?
I wanted to tell you about the visit Kylie & I paid to the cinema last week.
It was quite an experience.
We were too late to catch the 1820 showing at Hamilton & so headed out to
Te Awamutu (Tee-ar-wa-moo-too) to see it at 2020.
We had decided to eat at the local Indian restaurant (only 100 yards from
this cinema) prior to watching the film.
We arrived in Te Awamutu with 30 minutes to spare. A telephone conversation
with Bill en route, convinced me we should buy our tickets before eating, in
case the cinema was busy.
As we reached the double doors to the cinema, we espied a hand-written note,
stuck to the door advising us to 'Use Other Door', with an arrow indicating to the
right. We duly walked up the main street, looking for another door. At the point
where one building stopped & another began, we realised we had maybe walked
too far.
Retracing our steps, we arrived back at the double doors. It was at this point
we simultaneously realised our mistake & pushed open the right hand door
of the pair of doors. Der.
Once inside, an elderly chap sold us our tickets & we made our way to the wine
bar he had recommended for something to eat. It was apparent from the
huge number of people waiting for food that we would not be served in
our remaining 20 minutes.
It was with 15 minutes to spare that we hurried into the Indian & asked if they
could serve us within that time, as we were due to see a film. Somewhat
bemusedly, they set about preparing our meal.
It was put in front of us with exactly 5 minutes to go beofre the film started.
We had to eat with 2 hands permanently moving & Kylie got the giggles
as I kept urging her to 'chew faster' & threatening to take her plate away.
With apologies to the staff for treating their food as if it was a Big Mac,
we rushed to the cinema.
The same chap who had sold us our tickets was now sweeping the pavement
outside. He then ducked into the kiosk & sold us our ice-cream & popcorn.
His next job was to usher us to our seats with the other 4 people to see the film.
Things were as expected until half way through the movie. At this point, the lights
came up & a red & yellow sign announced that it was the Intermission.
The last time there was one of those was when I was about 10 & I saw
'Lady & the Tramp' at Yeadon. (I cried)
Kylie offered to go & get drinks saying that as soon as her
'...backside left the seat, the film was sure to start again'
It did.
She made her way down to the front of the auditorium, with all 5 of us
watching her. It was at the curtain on front of the door that things got
difficult. Firstly, she tried to find the edge of the curtain by pulling her
right hand vaguely at chest height from right to left.
Having been unsuccessful, she decided the elusive opening would be
more easily located by emplyoying her hands above head height along the
top of the curtain in a ruffling motion. She looked like a midget harp player.
At this point it became obvious that all 5 of us were disregarding the film
as the lady to my rear called out
'What's the matter - can't you get out ?'
Kylie looked, shamefacedly, over her left shoulder, whilst still
employing her hands in the manner previously described, now
resembling a myopic gerbil.
If any of you have kept gerbils, just think of the way they scrabble at the
glass of their cages, whilst standing on their hind legs. That's Kylie, that is.
Kylie confessed that she couldn't get out & the woman advised her to pull
the curtain away from the door & walk through it. I was snuffling & snotting
into my popcorn by now, as it's usually me making the plum of myself.
I was still giggling as she returned, but I should have known better.
Towards the end of the film, I heard my phone drop to the floor. Not wanting
to distract my 5 neighbours from the film, I decided to pick it up at the end.
At the credits, nobody moved & so I surreptitiously got to my hands &
knees to ferret around for it.
'What are you doing ?' asked Kylie in a stage whisper.
'Looking for my phone' I replied.
She promptly kicked over the popcorn as she stooped to assist.
Some 2 minutes after the final credits had rolled, none of the other 4
viewers had moved. I realised they were obviously watching Kylie & I,
snuffling around on the floor, crunching through popcorn like a pair of
small, hunched moles looking for worms.
'What are you doing ?' called the young man, who so far, had not spoken.
'Looking for my phone' I replied, still, incongruously, whispering.
'We thought you were both hiding' he said 'to see the film again for free'
before coming, with the other couple to assist in the search.
As I type this, it's not nearly as amusing as it was at the time, but I love
this country for the fact that 4 complete strangers will help you search for
your lost property. The phone was eventually located, jammed between two
arms of adjacent seats by the husband of the lady who had guided Kylie
beyond the confusion that was the velvet curtain.
Outside on the pavement we were weak with laughter & promised to do it
again soon. I am enjoying Kylie's company hugley & as much as I adored
Mal, it is nice to have a friend, my own age & gender.
She would slot quite easily into the Coven, she gets the humour & we
only have to look at each other to get the giggles. Her guaranteed method
for setting me off is to stand outside a stall watching me with a truculent horse.
She will remain, unannounced, until I let rip a particularly ripe volley of insults
towards said neddy.
"Like your work" she will say, before sauntering off, leaving me laughing helplessly.
Stan, I look forward to you meeting her, she has been warned.
Must disappear to Bedfordshire now, 0615 start in the morning & I
still have to prepare my lunch.
The Tanners ate no.47's heart this evening.
I passed & had corned beef hash.
Harriette called me a wuss.
I am quite happy to agree with her.
Ma & Pa Smith, I passed on your recommendations re;home-culling.
The address for the hospital is
Bradford Royal Infirmary
Duckworth Lane
Bradford
West Yorkshire
BD9 6RJ
A card is a lovely idea, the more the merrier.
Stan,
9 sleeps to go, you must be driving everyone potty !
Poor Col & Andy.
Justine & Malc,
I finally read both your e-mails together yesterday.
For some reason, they were both at the beginning of the Inbox
filed along with March of this year.
If you haven't found out already, the stud is just outside Cambridge
between Leamington & Karapiro. I would love to meet up.
Perhaps you would like a nosey round the stud ?
Will e-mail you properly soon.
Stu,
Have probably been blocking the landline by being on-line.
Have you got your pooter yet ?
Will be free for a chat between 0530 & 0600, whilst en route
to work, which will be between 1630 & 1700 for you.
Hello to all the girls.
Mum
Hope the moggies are looking after you ?
If not - threaten them with the grapefruit helmets.
Big Hug.
Cx
ps. No Blog tomorrow, will be out straight after work.
?
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Come in no. 47, your time is up.
Today, Eric did no. 47. 'Did' being the Kiwi word for slotted.
Slotted being the Tanner word for slaughtered.
Eric had decided to do his own butchering this year after a local
butcher stuffed up the order earlier this year.
Much planning & thought went into which cow was to be done.
The choice was between no. 47 , a mild-mannered sweetie or the previously
described evil incarnate that is Petunia.
No. 47 had the bad fortune to be standing closest to the barn when Eric
hefted his .22 & so it was upon her head that the fickle, sickle of fate swung.
Or more accurately, it was her head that was left barely attached to her body
after Eric had slit her throat to bleed her. I will try not to go into TOO much detail
here for the townies (Stu, I can hear you saying there has already been too much).
Suffice it to say, you remember the advert for the toothbrush with the guy with
the flip-top head ?
During breakfast, Eric indicated that he was having problems skinning no.47, as
he could not get in underneath to do it. I offered him a hand & a couple of
minutes after we had finished breakfast I headed down to the barn.
I wasn't too concerned about seeing a dead cow as I saw plenty at Marfell
Downs. What did surprise me was the smell. She had only been dead an hour
but (bad taste warning, townies don't read) the body had bloated hugely & the
gases escaping the severed oesophagus were gut-churning.
With hindsight, maybe a full English wasn't the best meal to eat beforehand.
As I left the barn, thankful that Eric said he could now manage, Michelle
said I looked odd & asked if I was upset. I was upset, but not at the sight
of the cow, just that I may lose my breakfast so soon after consumption.
I then chatted with Bill for a while & ventured back down to the barn to
ask if the workers wanted tea. I could tell by Eric & Michelle's expressions
that a lot had occurred in the barn in the time I had been away.
Michelle, hugely practical as ever, was sawing away at the back end,
whilst Eric, who was sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare,
was indulging in WWF wrestling with his temperamental chainsaw.
The chainsaw would fire into life, cough & splutter & fade away
with the threat of real work.
I discovered later in the day, that Michelle had offered to help with the
skinning & had ended up 'up to her elbows in lungs & trachea'.
break for dinner, to be continued ...
After much tugging & many Anglo-Saxon words (from Eric), 4 huge, skinned
slabs of cow were loaded onto the trailer, to be transferred to the chiller.
This was where the real fun began.
The quarters were incredibly unwieldy & far too floppy in the heat.
I will leave you to imagine how bad the flies were on this very hot day.
Eric & Michelle manhandled the sides between them & passed them to
me. I stood in the chiller & attached hooks to the strings which ran through
them.
That paragraph has taken a couple of minutes to type. In reality, that part of
the job took over an hour. All of the following were really said during that hour.
"I can't squat"
"I can't see the end, is it in yet ?"
"Aaaarrrghh - f***ing trailer"
"You come around here & bend down like this & we'll load it onto your back"
"I don't think this chiller is going to be big enough"
"Don't complain to me when you lose all your fingers"
"We dont need to move the mower though"
"Can you move the mower please ?"
And with classic Tanner timing (although it's usually Michelle)
after I had grappled with the interior shelves during the loading
of 3 of the 4 quarters.
"Those shelves lift out, you know"
At the end of the loading, all 3 of us were covered in fat, bone splinters & blood.
It may be some time before I fancy eating beef again.
As before, with Gertie, the other cows display the appearance of
knowing that 47 has disappeared. During the butchering,
they all stood as close to the barn as possible, despite having
acres of paddock to move around in.
Then, as Eric drove through their paddock with the trailer behind him, they
followed, looking at the trailer.
This evening, as I type, they are lowing & trying to gain entry to the barn.
I envisage a Larson-scenario with one of them doing a head-count
again & again & always coming up one short.
Today, despite all the insults & recriminations, I was impressed, as ever
at how well the Tanners work together. Eric is totally committed to getting
a job done, no matter what the physical effort involved. Michelle grafts
harder than most women & some blokes as well as supplying the diplomatic
lubrication.
This evening we dined on the deck (chicken thank goodness) & decided it
was a job well done & that next time Eric will get in the home-kill guys.
Eric & Michelle are oohing & aahing at baby foties, in the days before
the girls learned to communicate by asking "Why meeeee ?"
I owe lots of e-mails & can only apologise if you are one of the people I
owe them to. But for now bed beckons & another hard day at work.
Where did the weekend go ?
Stan - 11 days to go !
Tony - Thinking of you, hope the Oakleys are helping ?
Lovely Col - Hope things turn out ok - big hug.
Mummeh - Can we have a puppeh ?
Goodnight all,
Cx
Today, Eric did no. 47. 'Did' being the Kiwi word for slotted.
Slotted being the Tanner word for slaughtered.
Eric had decided to do his own butchering this year after a local
butcher stuffed up the order earlier this year.
Much planning & thought went into which cow was to be done.
The choice was between no. 47 , a mild-mannered sweetie or the previously
described evil incarnate that is Petunia.
No. 47 had the bad fortune to be standing closest to the barn when Eric
hefted his .22 & so it was upon her head that the fickle, sickle of fate swung.
Or more accurately, it was her head that was left barely attached to her body
after Eric had slit her throat to bleed her. I will try not to go into TOO much detail
here for the townies (Stu, I can hear you saying there has already been too much).
Suffice it to say, you remember the advert for the toothbrush with the guy with
the flip-top head ?
During breakfast, Eric indicated that he was having problems skinning no.47, as
he could not get in underneath to do it. I offered him a hand & a couple of
minutes after we had finished breakfast I headed down to the barn.
I wasn't too concerned about seeing a dead cow as I saw plenty at Marfell
Downs. What did surprise me was the smell. She had only been dead an hour
but (bad taste warning, townies don't read) the body had bloated hugely & the
gases escaping the severed oesophagus were gut-churning.
With hindsight, maybe a full English wasn't the best meal to eat beforehand.
As I left the barn, thankful that Eric said he could now manage, Michelle
said I looked odd & asked if I was upset. I was upset, but not at the sight
of the cow, just that I may lose my breakfast so soon after consumption.
I then chatted with Bill for a while & ventured back down to the barn to
ask if the workers wanted tea. I could tell by Eric & Michelle's expressions
that a lot had occurred in the barn in the time I had been away.
Michelle, hugely practical as ever, was sawing away at the back end,
whilst Eric, who was sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare,
was indulging in WWF wrestling with his temperamental chainsaw.
The chainsaw would fire into life, cough & splutter & fade away
with the threat of real work.
I discovered later in the day, that Michelle had offered to help with the
skinning & had ended up 'up to her elbows in lungs & trachea'.
break for dinner, to be continued ...
After much tugging & many Anglo-Saxon words (from Eric), 4 huge, skinned
slabs of cow were loaded onto the trailer, to be transferred to the chiller.
This was where the real fun began.
The quarters were incredibly unwieldy & far too floppy in the heat.
I will leave you to imagine how bad the flies were on this very hot day.
Eric & Michelle manhandled the sides between them & passed them to
me. I stood in the chiller & attached hooks to the strings which ran through
them.
That paragraph has taken a couple of minutes to type. In reality, that part of
the job took over an hour. All of the following were really said during that hour.
"I can't squat"
"I can't see the end, is it in yet ?"
"Aaaarrrghh - f***ing trailer"
"You come around here & bend down like this & we'll load it onto your back"
"I don't think this chiller is going to be big enough"
"Don't complain to me when you lose all your fingers"
"We dont need to move the mower though"
"Can you move the mower please ?"
And with classic Tanner timing (although it's usually Michelle)
after I had grappled with the interior shelves during the loading
of 3 of the 4 quarters.
"Those shelves lift out, you know"
At the end of the loading, all 3 of us were covered in fat, bone splinters & blood.
It may be some time before I fancy eating beef again.
As before, with Gertie, the other cows display the appearance of
knowing that 47 has disappeared. During the butchering,
they all stood as close to the barn as possible, despite having
acres of paddock to move around in.
Then, as Eric drove through their paddock with the trailer behind him, they
followed, looking at the trailer.
This evening, as I type, they are lowing & trying to gain entry to the barn.
I envisage a Larson-scenario with one of them doing a head-count
again & again & always coming up one short.
Today, despite all the insults & recriminations, I was impressed, as ever
at how well the Tanners work together. Eric is totally committed to getting
a job done, no matter what the physical effort involved. Michelle grafts
harder than most women & some blokes as well as supplying the diplomatic
lubrication.
This evening we dined on the deck (chicken thank goodness) & decided it
was a job well done & that next time Eric will get in the home-kill guys.
Eric & Michelle are oohing & aahing at baby foties, in the days before
the girls learned to communicate by asking "Why meeeee ?"
I owe lots of e-mails & can only apologise if you are one of the people I
owe them to. But for now bed beckons & another hard day at work.
Where did the weekend go ?
Stan - 11 days to go !
Tony - Thinking of you, hope the Oakleys are helping ?
Lovely Col - Hope things turn out ok - big hug.
Mummeh - Can we have a puppeh ?
Goodnight all,
Cx
Saturday, December 06, 2003
Good evening,
Haven't felt like writing for a while but thanks so much for all the e-mails
& text messages, they have been much appreciated.
I am a bit knackered tonight so this won't be a long one.
My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last Thursday & has to have a
mastectomy. The date of her op is the 11 Dec & she will have reconstructive
surgery at the same time to have a new breast.
As some of you will have been aware, she had been undergoing tests for some time
& we were both a bit concerned as each time a test result was due, it would be
delayed. This all started as she was re-called from a routine mammogram.
She has been terrific about the whole thing, very brave & very funny.
She has been buoying me up & telling me not to worry.
My initial disbelief gave way to rage, then sorrow.
After speaking with her, I am now starting to see things in a more positive light.
She sees it as a good thing that the mammogram did it's job & the doctors
were able to pinpoint the problem early.
Her take on losing a boob was that she would be on the look-out for a one-armed
man. I am so proud to be related to this woman.
I wasn't going to publish any of this on Blog, but again, she has been great,
telling me to publish away, as she knows it's my release valve whilst over here.
The more observant of you will have noticed she now has a pooter of her own
& has made it onto Q4A comments/feedback using the alias 'Mummie'
I can only assume her tongue was firmly in her cheek when she picked this
moniker as we have never been 'that kind' of family :)
Now that Mum has joined the Blogdom, could I ask that when you lot send on
funnies that you forward them to her too ? She will have oodles of time to
read them all when she is discharged from hospital. Please contact me & I
will let you know her e-mail address.
Discussions are under way as to whether I will be returning home for Xmas or
not. I will keep you posted.
That's all for tonight, will let you know what's been occurring lately over the
next couple of days.
Cx
Haven't felt like writing for a while but thanks so much for all the e-mails
& text messages, they have been much appreciated.
I am a bit knackered tonight so this won't be a long one.
My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last Thursday & has to have a
mastectomy. The date of her op is the 11 Dec & she will have reconstructive
surgery at the same time to have a new breast.
As some of you will have been aware, she had been undergoing tests for some time
& we were both a bit concerned as each time a test result was due, it would be
delayed. This all started as she was re-called from a routine mammogram.
She has been terrific about the whole thing, very brave & very funny.
She has been buoying me up & telling me not to worry.
My initial disbelief gave way to rage, then sorrow.
After speaking with her, I am now starting to see things in a more positive light.
She sees it as a good thing that the mammogram did it's job & the doctors
were able to pinpoint the problem early.
Her take on losing a boob was that she would be on the look-out for a one-armed
man. I am so proud to be related to this woman.
I wasn't going to publish any of this on Blog, but again, she has been great,
telling me to publish away, as she knows it's my release valve whilst over here.
The more observant of you will have noticed she now has a pooter of her own
& has made it onto Q4A comments/feedback using the alias 'Mummie'
I can only assume her tongue was firmly in her cheek when she picked this
moniker as we have never been 'that kind' of family :)
Now that Mum has joined the Blogdom, could I ask that when you lot send on
funnies that you forward them to her too ? She will have oodles of time to
read them all when she is discharged from hospital. Please contact me & I
will let you know her e-mail address.
Discussions are under way as to whether I will be returning home for Xmas or
not. I will keep you posted.
That's all for tonight, will let you know what's been occurring lately over the
next couple of days.
Cx
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)