This was how my telephone conversation with Stan ended this morning. He is baby-sitting his parents' African Grey
parrot & was trying to coerce him into blowing me a kiss. Parrots beaks are sharp aren't they Stan ?
Not a pleasant atmosphere in the house this evening, people who can't hold their drink & get aggressive are very low
on my list of 'People I would rush to share a house with ...'
My mood wasn't improved by watching NZ Idol.
Only someone who doesn't like music could enjoy watching it.
Some stats I was thinking of whilst watching the show.
NZ = 4 million people
UK = 60 million people
So I admit the UK has a much larger talent pool to draw from. However, how difficult can it be to pick 10 people who
CAN sing from 4 million ? Very, if the programme is anything to go by.
It's odd to watch a programme that features token white people too. Not a nice feeling, makes you think.
The judges don't help, a lovely black guy who finds it impossible to say anything bad about anyone, move over mate.
A highly irritating, overly made up, Nicky Chapman wannabe (is there such a thing ?) Yes.
This woman has the worst kind of Kiwi accent, managing the rare feat of being squeaky & nasal.
Oh & one thing love, regarding glitter in make up. Less is more.
The 3rd bloke is obviously supposed to be Simon Cowell. Unfortunately he lacks the vocabulary & incision and comes
across as a bitter queen.
These 3 sit in judgement week after week on some of the poorest, most lethargic karaoke contestants I have ever
had the misfortune to watch. Only the host, Dominic Safe&Pretty has any kind of aptitude for tv & he makes me
think 'Silk purse, sows ear''. He is a decent presenter struggling to host a runny gruel of mediocrity.
Tonight we were treated to a 90 minute special. I use the word advisedly. We were told they had gone to greatl
lengths with the audience, lighting effects & musicianship.
The atmosphere was reminiscent of a primary school nativity. The audience, some 24 strong, looked acutely
uncomfortable whenever they were told to 'Give it up' or 'Make someone welcome'. They gave the distinct impression
of being a coachload of Warehouse employees on a surprise outing.
From tonight's 10 singers, of the ones I saw, only 2 could actually sing. They were pleasant to listen to, no more.
They sang nicely, in the way your cousin Steve might sing when he's asked at a birthday party. Thankfully, Kirsty
wanted to switch over to CSI, thus saving me from any more aural discomfiture. Shame really, I was just getting into it.
Kiwi flies
Whilst my tongue is sharpened, I want to tell you about Kiwi flies.
These buggers are completely relentless, without social skills, shame or modesty.
Smoko (Kiwi for tea-break) has become a ritual of slapping, swearing, swatting & shagging.
The flies do the lattter & wanton they are too.
A couple will land on you & get it on without any regard whatsoever for the 9pm watershed.
Threesomes are not uncommon.
You twitch your leg (for example) to discard the wee beasties & they simply hang on tighter,
yelling at each other in buzzy fly voices to 'Ride 'em cowboy'.
As a Pom I find their behaviour extremely unsettling. I am used to English flies & their quiet, refined
ways. An English gentleman fly, upon espying an attractive lady friend, will try & catch one of her eyes
for the first few weeks. Only once she has smiled winsomely at him, will he approach her Papa & ask
permission to see her in the conservatory. They will of course, be chaperoned by an elderly spinster fly
wearing a white lace cap. After several months of witty conversation, & stomping their own saliva into
tiny cucumber sandwiches with their feet, she will happen upon him one morning, performing his ablutions
in a lake. Her lovelorn gaze will be drawn to the rippling chest muscles enhanced, as rivulets of water
stream down his white frilly shirt. With 6 arms. The happy couple will only embrace for the 1st time after
they have promenaded under the arch of crossed swords at their wedding day.
They would no more copulate in public than they would address each other by forenames prior to
a formal introduction.
Kiwi flies are utterly obsessed with copulating. If flies only breed, eat & sleep then these flies must
be starving & exhausted.
I'm heading for bed now, the smoke in the house has given me a filthy headache, & I want to
read a little Michael Palin to make up for sullying my mind with TV this evening.
Hello Plark, welcome, thanks for the tube update, would like to say I'm surprised.
Darsha, Sorry to hear about your week, something in the air, do you think ?
Cx
No comments:
Post a Comment