... thought I'd write to you lot.
I have a stinking hangover after 2 glasses of red last night. How unfair is that ?
Things got a little animated here last night when we were discussing work & in specific, the boss.
We were supposed to be watching 'Priscilla Queen of the desert' & having a quiet chill-out night prior to our night
out tonight so why did we end up talking about work ? Oh well. Net result, one glass of red spilt (not guilty) & tears
shed (not mine, cos I'm bleedin' 'ard). 10 minutes of typing & I have corrected 8 mistakes so far, Stan you would be
in your elephant.
Name checks at the beginning, for a change & because I have too many e-mails to reply individually & my head hurts.
Mummeh As things stand, I am advised to return to work on the 29th April. That's the bad news. The
good news is that now that I am coming back to a normal job, I get days off PLUS bank holidays. My rosta is
0900 - 1800 on the 29th. Early turn on the 30th, then rest day on the 1st & 2nd, followed by BHL on the 3rd.
Which of course is Lloyd's birthday (& Bill's too, another co-inkidinky) So, whatever happens, I can come see you
straight after earlies on the Friday, stay Saturday & leave late Monday, as I am late-turn on the Tuesday.
Would you like a Barley-Marley visit too, or would she freak out the mogs ?
Let me know.
Stu Please see above, VK have decided they don't need extra security checks.
They obviously didn't find out about the band of pistoleros I have been house-sharing with.
Please may BM come a-visiting if Mummeh is up to a bouncing Spangle ?
Has Fog been stealing any more food recently ? I was thinking maybe you could fit bells to his
paws to alert house-owners to the fact that there is a glutton prowling in their kitchen ?
MTM Check out the cartoon. Co-inkidinky ? I think not.
There are obviously dark powers at work here. Either that or the Big Fella's hacking into your e-mails ?
As well as his Mum's. Sorry, low blow, couldn't resist. Take a de-merit for no offering yesterday.
Unless of course you had pressing business with a ukelele.
Chef Cycling is obviously too dangerous if you are going to sustain injuries like that.
From now on, you may only ride your bike on the street directly in front of your house.
You will wear full protective gear at all times including elbow pads & you will not venture out of sight.
Rest up, take it easy, make it your goal to read ALL of Q4A before returning to work.
There will be questions to test your understanding of the subject.
Trudes You can't read this, you're across the Tasman in Ozzie.
Your mobile doesn't seem to be working there either.
Your pooter is also broked so, all in all, I'm buggered trying to get hold of you. Oh well.
Hope you are enjoying yourself & that the weather is lovely, as it is here at the moment.
Stop press. Scrub the above, as I type, you have txd across the waves, glad to hear the sun is shining for you.
If I had known I could get people to reply to texts just by blogging to them I could have saved
a shedload of 20 cents !
Weeny The kikkens here are gorgeous, I wish I could bring a couple of them back for you.
I will take pics in the next couple of days for you, they are calm enough to let me touch them when they eat now.
We have hatched a plan to capture them & take them to the local SPCA, if we don't & they breed it will start
to resemble Catropolis & Uncle Murray will come a-visiting with his shotgun.
I can't remember if I said it before, but if not, I am very impressed that you are learning the piano.
I have such a cultured group of friends. I envisage a winter's evening around a log-fire when you lot
will play instruments, recite poetry & discuss current affairs & I will skin dead lambs, do some spot welding
& sand down the calluses on my palms. Happy evenings ahead.
Di's pooter is also broken, so she can't read this. Could someone tell her please how funny Q4A has been ?
Don't mention the spelling mistakes please. Thanks.
Lovely Col, I won't know what to do any more ! Please make sure you are posted to Cad for my return. You can hide
my inadequacies.
Hx It took a while but e-mail finally replied to, I lost your original as some techno-berk decreed it was
Spam so you have been sitting amongst the penis enlargement ads. Not a bad place to be.
Ang Good luck for Tuesday. It will be horrid working for a living again,after being a 'lady who lunches'
and being the 'new kid' is always rough. However, you will hit the ground running as always, for the following reasons ;
1.You are very sharp
2.You are extremely professional.
3.You are top-drawer crumpet, blokes love you & so do girls cos you are lovely (BIANL)
4.Your cats have paws like blackberries.
5.You have lovely hair.
The 4th doesn't necessarily help you in the work place, but it is very endearing to hear you tell everyone again, when you
are squiffy.
Lolly Long time no hear, you must have got over the being in bed all the time stage by now.
Come on, leave her alone for a minute, poke an arm out from under the duvet & tell Briggsy what's happening ?
Did you see Di had been to NY again to do the shopping thing a bit more thoroughly this time ?
Hadders I am very sorry to hear your news, but glad that you have the neddy bug.
It will be very funny to go out riding with you and Cocky. Ask Cocky to tell you about some of my adventures
on Mad Hannah to give you an idea of what to expect. I got the gist of 'being born certain ways'.
I think next time, you should highlight that fact that you have very good rhythm for a white guy.
Maybe it will help ? Hello to Frances.
Cocky Well, at least you won't have high moving costs, given that you are only moving 200 yards.
I'm glad you are able to stay in that part of the world, it seems to suit you very well & the longer you keep buying
houses here, the less likely you are to disappear off to bog-trotter country.
I'm glad you didn't marry the Bruce Forsyth lookalike too. By the time you read this you will have been to the place
where you needed to wear your Bet Lynch slippers & dressing gown (which I have on good authority you DID buy for
yourself) I hope everything went well & you are 'comfortable'. That's the word they use isn't it ? Seems a bloody stupid
word to me but you know what I mean. I am very much looking forward to riding out with you again, although I
suspect after 8 months of no riding I will look like a sack of spuds on a gee. Perhaps Hadleigh can take me where he
goes for lessons ? You are right, where did the year go ? I could swear it was a couple of months ago that you
said 'Have a great time, everyone will have forgotten you in a month' or words to that effect.
Stan Nights at the Yard ? What a stinker. I think nights is the shift that will hit me hardest.
That bleurgh feeling & a permanent sense of jet-lag. Deep joy. Oh well, in Winter, at least we get to drive
home against the traffic & snuggle under the duvet as everyone else is going to work. I know Winter is a year away, but that's
the only positive thing I can say about nights. So, I logged on, hoping for fulsome praise for my arty black & white shot &
what do I get ? Criticism from you for my spelling. Man that hurts. Another Q4A reader has
pointed out that perhaps because the photo is so 'good' (thanks, by the way) people don't realise that I took it. When I sent it to
you minus a title I was very pleased with what you came up with. Not only a title for the photo, but something which described my
ramblings and inner decision-making process. However, perhaps the title should have been 'The photo what I took'
So, I will edit & use that as a 2nd title, hoping to prod some praise from people. I am not above fishing.
Bill Sore head ? Me too & I only had 2, at least you had a 'proper' night out for your suffering today.
Dear Dr.International dentists Thank you for your concern about my cavities. However, the mark you refer to is
a filling from ye olden days when your colleagues still chose to dice with our mental health by using mercury-laced fillings
rather than the sexy,white ones you use these days. The mercury may indeed be responsible for my 9mm inspired death-fantasies
towards a rotund person in a position of power recently. If I chose to re-enact this fantasy, I will of course not be
responsible for my actions & will sue your dentist-ass for loss of earnings whilst serving time in a Kiwi prison.
ps.'been putting naughty things in your mouth' ? My Mum reads this, and quite possibly my Gran too, let's keep it clean please.
I will close by telling you about my dream of two nights ago. Those of you who know me well, know I dream, vividly & in colour
every night. Some of them are very disturbing & not suitable for a family Blog. I don't share them usually because I think our
dreams are only fascinating to ourselves. I started to read another Blog which was witty, incisive & very beautifully illustrated.
I stopped reading it when it became a daily list of the author's dreams.
I was at the roundabout at the bottom of Gipsy Hill, where I once rescued Chris with fuel on his bike when it ran out.
I was with 3 or 4 other people, one of them was Dean, the guy who was responsible for Van Nistelrooy the stallion who
stood here. Van Nistelrooy was there too. The horse, that is, not the footballer he is named after.
He had travelled from somewhere & was very stressed so Dean gave him a cigarette to calm his nerves.
I remember asking if it was wise to give cigarettes to a horse ?
The horse then became an eagle & was still stressed so I made a newspaper cone & put his head into the
pointy bit with his wings pinioned against his sides. We walked this way, across a crowded forecourt of a pub with
the drinkers asking what was in the newspaper cone. 'An eagle who is stressed' I replied.
The eagle then became an Afghan hound & to save it we had to remove the body from the skin. The body & the skin
became 2 separate animals, both of which could function normally. The skin was homed to a lady in Upper Norwood
who promised to take good care of it. She let the skin out on the 2nd day never saw it again. We were angry with her
as it was still wearing it's horsey travelling boots. The End.
I understand the following from the dream. I am stressed about cigarettes as Kirsty is a smoker & the house smells.
I am also aware that Mummeh is suffering nicotine withdrawal. I admire all the animals I dreamed of for their
grace, power & beauty. After that, I'm a bit stuck.
If anyone reading this is a dream interpreter, amateur or not, please let me know what's happening in my addled mind ?
For now, Claire is attacking the wine stain with the vacuum & my head is asking her to stop.
Back to beesies with a cup of tea for me.
Cx
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