'You are behaving in an un-shopping lke fashion...'

I promise the tale I am about to relate contains no exaggeration.

When I go shopping with Milky he likes to pretend to be my arms. By this I mean I will be standing with my own arms by my sides whilst he feeds his through my armpits and pretends his manically flapping appendages are mine. I am often to be found in front of a chiller cabinet pondering the merits of tuna versus haddock whilst my limbs appear to gesticulate wildly to the consternation of other shoppers.

Today it was whilst in this position that I heard the arch enquiry ...

'Do you think other shoppers could get in ?'

I turned to see a harridan, shrivelled and bent over her trolley, casting her gimlet eye over me.

I very seldom stand up for myself but I'm on my third early turn and was feeling 'that way out' as Yorkshire folk put it.

'I don't know - how about you ask politely ?' I heard myself say.

I don't think she was used to be answered back, the solid mass of lacquered hair tilted back in one quivering movement as her eyebrows shot up her face in surprise.

'Well, you're behaving in an un-shopping like fashion' she spat.

'I do apologise for enjoying myself in the supermarket' I was quite enjoying the exchange by now.

She looked to the shopper to her left, who was very openly enjoying the conversation, drew herself up to her full height and said in the tones of Lady Bracknell

'There is a place for enjoying oneself and it is not the supermarket'

Later on during the shopping Milky found an ale rejoicing in the name 'Bitter and Twisted' and had to be restrained from slipping it into her trolley.

Cx