Did you go to New Zealand for a broken heart ?

Was what one of the canteen ladies asked me this evening ?

How can you possibly take offence when it's worded like that ?

For the past year, I have used only a Dyson vacuum cleaner.

An odd thing to tell you, I know but bear with me.

This morning I cleaned Di's kitchen floor with her Morphy Richards vacuum cleaner.

With a Dyson, you put your left foot on the base of the cleaner & pull the handle approx 45 degrees toward you.

When you do that with a Morphy Richards, it makes an ominous 'crack' noise.

When you look down at the base of the cleaner, you notice, for the 1st time a small black rubber button.

The function of this button (I now know) is to enable the upright to recline.

I had to bite the bullet & tell Di of course. If you have read the beginning of this leviathan Blog,
you will know that I re-paid Di's hospitality by wilfully smashing all she held dear. I am not normally
a clumsy person, I don't think people hide the china before I visit. It's just something about Di's things.

I asked Di to tx me when she was free to speak.

It was my good fortune that she wasn't, all evening, but said I could text her.

I was sitting, eating diner, with Lovely Col, who was very amused at my discomfort as I texted the
following to Di ...

'How much was your vacuum cleaner ?'

The reply came back, including the price, where it was from & the fact that Which magazine rated it as highly as a
Dyson. She went on to ask ...

'Have you set fire to it, or are you planning on buying one ?'

My reply was that I was planning on buying one. For her. As hers was now a layzee vacuum cleaner, which laid down.

Lovely Col proved not to be so lovely when he suggested my next text to her should be

'How much was your house ?'

Bad Colin.

Di took it extremely well, but has promised dire repercussions if I break the brass ballerina.

Trip to Curry's for me then.

Today was the 1st day that I felt I started to resemble the person who did my job a year ago.

I had my 1st full parade with the team, some of the new probationers look young enough to be my kids.

Some of them are young enough to be my kids.

I have been tired & confused with my words all day.

I was trying to describe a house which had no carpets & told Di it would be 'flare boorboards'.

I have said lots of these in the past. In NZ I once asked for a 'life of sloced bread'.

I may have told you before, but Angie's all time favourite of mine was when I was describing a film to her & told her
the star was 'Tommy Lo-jeans'. Work it out.

I am slowly starting to catch up with friends. I see the coven in the next couple of days, in the form of Weeny tomorrow
& Trudy on Friday. Weeny is allowing me to sit on her cat whilst she goes on holiday (word of warning from Di, hide the vacuum)
So I will be in Molesey for a couple of weeks as of Friday, we are getting together tomorrow to ooh & aah at her new house.

I have arranged a girly catch-up night with Trudes on Friday, after her final drive. Good luck hen, you won't need it.
Can I give you the same advice Mal gave me when driving a large truck off-road ?
'Keep the power on all the time, the steering will come later' Your instructor can't fail to be impressed !

It won't be a late night Friday, Trudes is shooting early Saturday (shotguns : your kinda gal Eric ) & I am early turn.

And tomorrow morning, I meet Cocky at the yard for a spot of neddy-pestering. I am hoping there will be a neddy free,
but if not, as it's short notice, then a brisk walk with her & Snippit, will do me the world of good. If you want to read a fabricated
version of life as a Metropolitan Police officer doing night duty, take a look at this month's Woman magazine. Far right, seated,
say no more.

At some stage, I need to make arrangements to see the potential new flat in Kingston too.

That's the 2 days gone already.

Bill, thanks for the number, I will call in the next couple of days.

Stan, thanks for the visit, did you recognise me, not covered in cack ?

Cx