All together now ...

'Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Mich-e-elle,
Happy Biiiiiiirthday to yoooouuuu'

I hope you get back from Hamilton at a reasonable time, if not, enjoy your special day when you have time to celebrate it on Saturday. Wish I was there.


'What do they think this place is, a penile punishment factory ?'

Was the funniest rhetorical question I was asked today by a very agitated Stan when referring to his workplace, NSY. After much collapsing with the giggles we decided, before you allrush to apply to work there, that he meant a penal punishment factory. Much less exciting. Hurry back soon Greta.


Yes, Cinders you shall go to the ball & Briggsy shall go to the barn dance ... thanks to the lovely skipper from another team who has agreed to cover for me. All I had to do in return was sign a piece of paper he thrust under my nose today. I caught sight of the words 'soul' & 'devil' but it can't be anything too bad can it ? Now you must go Stan, please please please please please please please. You will lurve June & Wendy, the frightfully posh sisters who organise it, you will dine out for weeks on the evening, I promise you.

Would you like a purple one ... ? Read on for a tale of pain, lust, betrayal & shame. Actually, it's only the last one shame, but I thought it would sound more exciting & wake you lot up. Apart from Stan & Bloo that is, who both sleep through my life-trauma events.

When I was 21 & working at Kennington Police Station, I had a 4 year crush on a sergeant who shall, for legal reasons, remain nameless. During conversation, he let it be known that he liked 'the purple ones' from Quality Street chocolates (so does Mummeh come to think of it) The next bit makes my armpits itch in embarrassment when I even think of it, but in the words of Magnus Magnusson ...

I bought a large tin of the afore-mentioned confectionery, & systematically removed the purple ones then casually offered him the whole bag that night duty. I must point out, for full shame factor, this was in the days BEFORE they sold just the one flavour separately, so my industry & application would have been apparent.

For the next part of the story you have to be familar with the film 'Dirty Dancing' & especially the 'I brought a water melon' scene. The girls will know what I am referring to but if you are a boy & know this scene you are either a token chick (step forward Stan & Bill) or gay (step forward the rest of you, aaah - wishing you'd been token chicks now aren't you ? )

Aaaaaanyhew - as I stood there with my heart on offer as well as my chocolates, he reached out, took one, cast me a look so piteous that it is scorched on my heart forever & fled. It was the 1st & last time I ever made an ar5e of myself by offering a bloke all the purple ones.

These days I offer the green triangliar (not a sp, that's how we say it) ones.

This was some 15 years ago. So why is it, that as he entered the Control Room tonight & said 'Hello - how are you ? I'd heard you were in NZ ?' all I could think was 'purple Quality Street, musn't mention purple Quality Street'

I managed not to scratch my armpits til he left the room. That wouldn't have been cool.

Do this soon

I was listening to John Peel's' Home Truths' the other evening, of which I am a huge fan. A lady on the programme had written a letter to herself some 50 odd years ago, to be opened on the event of her 60th birthday. It was immensely touching to hear her reading about herself all those years ago. I cannot urge you strongly enough to do this.

For anyone who missed it she had recorded where she was, what she looked like, what she was wearing, a little bit about how she felt (in her case a bit lonely & shy) & a snippet of world news, I think she mentioned Kruschev & a US president meeting. She also predicted (in 1959) that she thought the world was near another war.

It was absolutely compelling.

Find some paper & do it quick, before you forget & put it in a safe place. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece & she tore the paper from her maths book, but think how interesting it will be to open your own time capsule when you are 80 ? If nothing else & you are a spinster smelling of cat wee (no-one in particular, if you're wondering, but she's about my height) at least someone you love, will have wished you Happy Birthday.

Crocheting, embroidery & recipes

Tomorrow night sees the 1st re-convening of the coven in over a year .It's a 'girl's night in' at Trudy's. 'How long will it take you to get there ?' asked the slightly befuddled Weeny, who seems to have temporarily lost track of where I am living. Bless. We will probably do the above. We will certainly not drink too much,eat take away food (cooking just wastes talking time) cackle like witches or list an impressive number of daring & risque exploits (you & I can just talk to each other during this bit Weeny)

Neddy pestering

During the day I am riding with the lovely, unflappable Cocky. Cocky, have you ever thought of being a UN Peacekeeper ? With those sultry Irish tones, you would sort out the minor skirmish in Iraq toute de suite. I can hear you now ...

'That Saddam Hussein - now he's a bit of a w***er isn't he ?'

I can see your diary now.

0800 Take Harry to school
0900 Draft a peace plan for the Middle East
1000 Ride Snips
1100 Physio
1200 Lunch
1300 Plant flowers in Gaza. Declare it a site of special scientific interest.
1400 Arrest someone (only joking, obviously)
1500 Collect Harry
1600 Declare amnesty on all WMD, get Garth to collect them en route home
from work. Take to recycling facility at Sainsburys.
1700 Make potato dish for tea.

You will note your working day finishes at 5pm, leaving time to clean before the outlaws visit. Result.

My eyes are tired now, so I will leave you all with a fond farewell.

Stan - I am creditless on the mobile, let me know if Saturday's a goer ?

Mummeh - The torch beam is strong within you young Jedi.

Stu - Got hold of Sarah tonight, going around to LH next Thursday.
Hope you & Kerry have a fableous time in Dublin. Be careful at the
Guinness Factory, they spiked Ange's drinks there. Poor love, she was
all over the place, almost as if she had drunk 8 pints in 2 hours :-)

Bloo - I am very very jealous.

Feel like I had something else to tell you, but the old grey cells have taken a bit of a beating recently & I have forgotten. Why did I come to this room again ?

Oh yes, thank you for the texts asking how things had gone today. E-mails sent out in an update. Hand-holding much appreciated.


Goodnight all,

Cx