Pooter is feeling particularly unhelpful tonight, it will allow me a tantalising glimpse of who my e-mails are from, but when I say
'Please mighty pooter, may I read one ?'
It says
'Err, no, I think not.'
My eyes are playing up too, so this may be a short one, really need to get them tested. Nothing whatsoever with burning the candles at both ends.
Fantastic news, the following are all definites for the Barn Dance ;
Cocky, Trudy, Wendy, Angie & Hx. Stan is a 'please ask me some more & say it won't be the same without me'. Denim & checked shirts compulsory, what a shame you are still in NZ Bill, it would be right up Linda's street.
This week has been hectic.
Saturday night saw the annual general meeting of the disfigured society with Hx & I not undertanding the rules properly. MTM was immensely brave & sallied South to scary Crystal Palace, from deepest, lushest Hammersmith & survived to tell the tale. Stan brought an additional friend on his lip.
I had a marvellous time, despite MTM's proclamations that I am 'rubbish with alcohol' (photos on the 'Stan files') Thought you would have shared your 'porn star balloon chest' one Stan ? Uncannily attractive I thought.
We wined, dined, danced (3 of us did anyway, 1 let the side down rather shabbily in the fast dancing dept) & picked on Stan, telling him what to do immediately to make his life better, because we are all experts in the 'running other people's lives' thing. U still here Stan ?
It was a blinding night, even if the walk home did take 25 rather than the anticipated 5 & I had to coax my poor swollen head from the pillow at 0500 the next morning. Ow. Still, at least it's not like I had to ride a noisy, buzzy scooter with a raging headache.
Thank you & well done to all concerned. Hx - top bird.
Last night I teamed up with Cocky & Trudes to go see a man in a short leather skirt , I forget the name of the film.
It was of course 'Troy' & although an enjoyable enough romp, I must report Brad Pitt made Shane Richie look like Sir John Gielgud. Please don't misunderstand me, as far as physique goes, Brad was entirely convincing as a warrior. His fight scenes were very entertaining & his regular flesh-flashing was always going to be a crowd pleaser.
However.
I wonder if the producer who secured Mr.Aniston ever took the time to stop rubbing his hands long enough to give him a screen test. He was so wooden he was out-acted by the Trojans gift. I had visions of rehearsals & some stressed director saying to Brad, 'Ok, you've just killed the eldest son of a man you respect & admire, the man himself is here now to plead to have his son's body returned to him for an honourable funeral. I want you to give me hatred, respect, grief, pride, sorrow, repentance & defiance'
The look Brad mustered at this point, conveyed all the subtle complexity of a man who has momentarily forgotten where he put his library card. Quite awful.
No wonder he did so many scenes with his helmet on.
I didn't recognise the actor who played Priem, the dead mans father, but was totally absorbed by the luminous yet fragile face, like filigree iron. His performance was utterly captivating. When he was on the screen I could watch no-one else. The girls told me afterwards that it was Peter O'Toole, after a heated debate whether he was in fact dead or not. I am glad I was able to recognise a good actor.
Oddly, the few moments Pitt did come alive on the screen were always playing opposite a woman. It's as if they are a mirror for him, the moment he faces a man, he loses that 'something'. For the record & balance, I loved him in 'Meet Joe Black'
He is also in the unfortunate position of doing an 'epic, action' movie after Russell Crowe in Gladiator. As much as I detest the real-life goings on of the boorish Mr.Crowe I think he must be a worthwhile human being. Partly because Nicole Kidman rates him as a friend & she seems to be a sharp cookie, but mostly for the performance he turned in as Maximus Deciduous.
Despite lacking the truly eye-popping physique of Brad Pitt, he was totally & utterly convincing in his role of honourable hero, occasionally pushed to do dark deeds. Hell, even I would have followed him into battle, but I always did like a good scrap.
Not like the lovely Linda, who after the first death in Troy, turned to me & whispered 'Oh no, I hate violence' Wrong film love.
So & why not, as Mr Norman might say, what were our combined, intellectual opinions of the film ?
1) Helen, despite being crumpet, was generally not considered beautiful enough to be ' the face that launched' ...etc (she also had one eye made up darker than the other when she watched Paris fight, very off-putting)
2) Best homo-erotic film sequences since 'Top Gun'
3) WHY - DID - PEOPLE - SPEAK - LIKE - THIS - IN - THOSE - DAYS ?
Did they do it at the breakfast table ?
PASS - ME - THE - BUTTER. in a Brian Blessed stylee.
4) Orlando Bloom as Paris. Jolly nice but not as fanciable as Legoland.
5) Eric Banana as Hector. Likewise very good. Huge right ear.
6) Julie Christie. How refreshing to see someone who was old enough to be Brad Pitt's mum, actually playing Brad Pitts mum.
7) Stunningly beautiful neddies & none of the extras fell off during battle scenes, despite not being allowed to use stirrups for authenticity.
8) We couldn't decide who Achilles' love-interest was. I say Rachel Weisz but the other two disagreed with me. If it was her, I hated her in The Mummy, but loved her in this.
9) As haunting as it is, the director shouldn't have ripped off the 'call to prayer' music used to good effect in Gladiator. Get your own ideas Mr Bigshot.
I suggest the theme to The Archers for the CGI fight scenes.
10) Don't take Linda if you want to watch a move seriously. If you want to go see the movie, skip the next bit. After Hector mistakenly kills Achilles' cousin in battle, Achilles comes to Troy, bent on revenge. He arrives, en phaeton, full of menace, lusting for Hector's blood & proceeeds to bawl Hector's name repeatedly from the foot of Troy's great walls.
Inside meanwhile, Hector methodically straps on his armour, preparing to meet his nemesis. Finally, some 5 minutes later, the huge wooden gates creak tentatively open & there, in the sharp sunlight, Hector regards the man who will kill him.
At this point, shaking with mirth, Linda leans over to me & suggests that Hector would say 'Yes ?' to Achilles, in the manner of one who has opened a door to a charity collector. Trudy said she could feel the whole row of seats shaking as we fought to contain our giggles at this pressurised moment.
Honour was of course a way of life & death for these men, but I couldn't understand why Hector didn't just shout to his killer that he was unable to fight just now as he was 'in the bath'.
The upshot was, an enjoyable evening, with another very late bedtime.
Image of the day did not belong to the film however but to teatime at Linda's, prior to Trudy's arrival. Linda & Garth's son Harry had discovered a llife sized inflatable doll of the manner used to entertain inebriated stag/hen parties. (Garth had just returned from a boys only golfing trip & it appears the young lady in question was a gift to one of the chaps there. Yeah yeah.) Anyway, Harry was enthusiastically trying to inflate the lady, ignoring the valve on her back & aiming for the resuscitation method. A most unfortunate image. Did I mention Harry is 4 by the way ?
And it's on that image that I will leave you. My day off tomorrow has turned into a supervisor's meeting at Imber Court, about which I am not thrilled as you can imagine. Will write again tomorrow, eyes permitting. Lots to tell.
Take care.
If you are with someone tonight, hug them to sleep then let them sleep on their own cool bit of the sheet. It's ony right.
Cx
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