Prey to predator ...

I tried every trick I could think of to start my white, rented Ford Transit van yesterday. I let the glow plugs stop illuminating, I tried dipping the clutch & finally in an act of desperation, I checked the radio station & immediately realised my error.

I had stupidly tuned it to Radio 4. A quick fiddle with the buttons & there it was, the stalwart of WVM everywhere - Radio 5 Live. With my basic error corrected, the engine roared into life, I pressed cruise control & found myself guided everywhere by a vehicle which knew no speed other than flat-out, steered me perilously close to old ladies with small, clipped dogs, & slowed down not a jot for width-restrictions or 'priority to oncoming traffic' signs. In fact the only time my white cruise missile did slow down was to allow me to yell 'Cheer up love it might never 'appen' to alarmed housewives, whilst displaying copious quantities of ar5e-cleavage.

It was great, I love driving 'manly' vehicles & the last time I drove a big, chunky diesel, it was Eric's beast. The reality, of course is, I drove the vehicle carefully & considerately, watching other drivers slide off their seats in shock as I courteously thanked them.

It was lovely to move from the bottom end of the food chain, the scooter, to the top. I can understand why WMV gets so attached to the ubiquitous Transit. Light steering, excellent handling, fuel consumption which would shame a teetotaller & a commanding view of the road, combine to make it a very pleasant driving experience.

The only drawback ? I now understand why there are always 3 blokes in the front. When turning left you can see bugger all from the left hand window, so you need Wayne to tell you 'clear left'. In my case, I edged out veeeeery slowly, waiting for the dull thud on the side of the van, to tell me the way wasn't clear.

Yestrerday was tough mentally & physically. I collected the van at 0900 & finally returned to Trudy's (wine & chilli) at 1830 & didn't stop in the interim. I filled the van twice from the garage at Leith Hill, once with boxes & UPO's & the 2nd time with a sofa & armchair. I was fortunate with the latter, finding Stuart's old neighbour Tony to help me load at one end & the hapless Garth (Cocky's husband) to assist in unloading at the other.

Cocky very kindly said they would store the furniture in their large, newly-purchased house in Epsom. She actually believed me when I said I wouldn't need to take her up on her offer, because I would pay to have them stored. That was until I got the quote. To store one armchair & sofa ... £240 for 2 months !!!!!!

So, yesterday at 4pm, there I was on Garth's doorstep, smiling sweetly saying 'As you're the only friend I haven't lived with, you have to take my furniture' He mumbled something about getting off lightly & uncomplainingly helped me shift it, instantly cluttering the back room which must have taken Cocky hours to clear. Sorry Cocky.

Garth is one of those men that gets it so right. Even without Cocky in evidence, (she was working yesterday) he chats away, offers you tea (& even a chocolate biscuit yesterday) & never seems in the least put out. Even when he is trying to supervise Harry & order 20 dozen burgers for the school fete at the same time. (He has taken over the catering, you know how blokes like to bbq)

He relayed a great story yesterday from the summer when he did a stint as a removal man (he is Irish, it's obligatory). Under the guise of 'Mr.Shift-it' which he cheerfully confesses should have been 'Mr.Shifty' he loaded a customer's antique, oak, round dining table into his van. It was securely strapped down, on it's edge amidst dire warnings from the house-owner, as to the great value of the table.

Arriving at the new abode, Garth lifted the panel on the van door & watched in horror, accompanied by the owner, as the huge, circular table, dropped from it's mountings, rolled towards him, crashed to the road & merrily wheeled away to the horizon, crushing the odd small child in it's wake.

'I assume you're insured ?' the owner enquired icily.

'We are a reputable company, of course we are insured' replied our hero.

Need I tell you he wasn't.

They then spent the next 4 hours unloading the van in a frosty silence.

Yesterday was a bit of a 'Safeways day'. Hx knows what I mean.
I made the mistake of opening an unfamiliar cardboard box in the garage.

'Ooh photos' I thought. You just shouldn't, should you ? Especially not when you're moving stuff., On your own, that is. I spent the rest of the afternoon in a rather maudlin, 'what if' frame of mind. It didn't help that the house & the garden at Leith Hill are looking utterly breathtaking. Stu, I know you read this.
Bloody hard place to leave isn't it ? Hope you're ok ?

I didn't join the rest of the human-race til I arrived home to find a very tasty chilli, a glass of chilled white & an ear to pour out my woes to.

I had forgotten how very easy it is to live with Trudy. 3rd time around it's better than ever. She hates hoovering, due to her bad back & dodgy pelvis. I love it & even get to use the Dyson (you know where you are with a Dyson) which I bought her the last time I lived with her & she refused to take rent. Prior to the Dyson, Trudy owned the world's most prudish & recalcitrant vacuum cleaner which wouldn't suck anything. The voraciously whorish Dyson, by contrast, tackles the carpets with gusto.

There is also the fact that Trudy's every sentence seems to begin with the words 'Wouldyalike ...?' I don't think I have replied in the negative yet.

Last night we watched 'City of Angels' & I used it as the perfect excuse to blub about my day. Nic Cage is soooo perfect in that film, sensitive, intense, funny, with very long legs & a penchant for dressing all in black with an ankle-length trench coat. What more could a girl want ? The film even bravely avoids the cliched happy ending which distresses Bloo so much. 8/10

And Bloo, yes, your cricket top does make you look like a football yob.
You really should make the effort to wear some natural fibres.They do great things with cottton these days.

I love your recent aminal photos by the way, particularly you & the koala. He looks so incredibly satisfying to hiug. Did he instigate the hug, or did you ?

I still have stuff buzzing in my head, but am aware that these long postings can be tiring to read & some of you have even confessed to 'scanning' my life's work, so I'll end it here.

I start nights tonight for 7 nights (hoping to catch up with Bloo & The Tanners by phone) I am going to try a fruit/veg/water de-tox for the 1st 3 nights to get rid of the bloated feeling which has come about by doing very little exercise & eating irregularly. Nights is a terrible time for my stomach as the 3rd floor chocolate machine calls relentlessly & I feel the urge to eat a big, cooked meal at about 4am.

Big hugs to 2 friends who are going through the wars at the moment.

Hadleigh - who had a nasal operation to assist his breathing on Tuesday morning. He panicked upon awaking from his g/a & immediately tore the tubes from his nose. He has spent the last 2 days in hosp, under obs & sounded absolutely awful when I spoke to him Wednesday. Get well soon poppet.

And Lovely Colin, whose Mum was taken ill on Wednesday & rushed to hosp in Newcastle. Colin drove up immediately, his distress compounded by the fact that his Mum is a carer for his Dad who suffered a stroke a couple of years ago. Hope to speak to you today Col, take care, might see you later on in the week, during nights.

It seems to be a bit of a bad time for lots of people, take care everyone,

Cx