At 3pm I pick up the kids from school. The eldest go to an after-school tutors 'Kip McGrath's' & Genevieve & I visit Chris's Mums. She is very nice & we chat for an hour or do before I return to pick up the others.
This is where the problems start. Every week.
1st argument about who rides with me in the front.
I have solved this sharpish - no-one.
Then, shouting, screaming & tantrums for 40 minutes always culminating in physical violence.
My attempts at deceit with the 'Who can stay quiet for the longest?' game are treated with disdain.
Tonight followed the usual pattern & when we were about 2 miles from home Zoe surpassed herself.
She managed to hit Lizzie & Innes in the face simultaneously & Innes' face ricocheted off the side of Genevieve's left brow-bone.
The noise was reminiscent of a cricket ball being hit very hard.
All 3 burst into loud & noisy tears & I can't say I blamed them.
I can't remember being so angry in a long time.
I stopped the van & asked Zoe all the strange things your parents do following this kind of event.
I asked if she was proud of herself & then asked how she would like it if I slapped her around a bit ?
She didn't seem keen but I have to say it was very appealing from where I was sitting.
I then explained to her that only our distance away from home prevented me from dumping her to walk the remainder.
Mum, this stretch of road is exactly like the tops of the moors behind Riddlesden.
As we arrived at the end of the 1/2 mile driveway & some semblance of order was forming
I told Zoe I didn't want her in the van & suggested the walk to the house would give her time to reflect on her behaviour. (Great quote - copyright - all parents everywhere)
Silence reigned in the van until Innes piped up
'Mum once made me & Vinny walk from where you threatened to drop Zoe'
'Why was that ?' I asked
'Cos we were being arseholes'
You have to laugh. Or cry.
Spent this morning doing the kind of stuff that makes Tuesday afternoons bearable.
Mal found me at the beginning of the day & asked for help feeding the cows because
he 'Couldn't find the tractor'.
That's not as strange as it sounds & it took us 20 minutes.
We found it near the rubbish heap & as we got there I noticed a pile of something black & white.
Being nosey I went for a closer look.
Then wished I hadn't.
It was the head, hooves, tail & stomach contents of the loser of the cow-fight. Nice.
When I remarked upon the smell to Mal he said they were much worse after a
couple of days in the hot sun. I considered taking a fotie for you lot
(once I finally work the blah-blah ...) but decided against it, remembering how
surprised I was to see Q's slotted possum on his blog with no warning.
Once we had found the tractor I followed Mal in his flat-back truck (column gear change Col, add that to my list of driving 1sts) to the top paddock to start the good bit.
We had to slit open a huge square 'worm' of baleage to separate 2 segments.
Baleage is hay that is harvested in summer, covered over with polythene & fed
to stock in winter. It ferments slightly as it sweats & smells incredibly sweet
when you cut it open. The cattle go crazy for it.
After separating the baleage, Mal drove the tractor towards it & lifted off a segment
with the forklift section of the tractor (yours truly watched closely thinking 'Hmmm unattended plant')
Once the forks were loaded he had to drop it onto the flat-bed section of his truck
so we could drive the truck into the field & spread it around for the cattle.
Not as easy as it sounds.
The truck was moving backwards as he tried to scrape the bale off the tractor forks.
Is any of this making sense ?
I offered to sit in his truck & apply the footbrake to stop it being dragged backwards
by the tractor. Once I was sitting inside, I realised my error.
Right behind my head was the glass partition of the cab, behind that the flat-bed section of the truck & about 6" away from my head - the prongs of the forklift.
Mal could not see me, or the prongs from his tractor seat & was effectively 'working blind'
I envisaged the headlines in the Christchurch Express
'Farmhand skewered in freak accident - Viggo inconsolable'
Speaking of which ...
Can't believe I forgot to tell you.
HE is here. He was pictured in the paper in Wellington. He & Liv Tyler are here doing some final bits & pieces for the 3rd movie.
All I need now is a reason to go to Wellington.
Just think tho, if I found him so soon, Blog would become redundant.
'HavefoundAragorn' doesn't have quite the same ring does it ?
To think, Q told me he was not a real person & just an actor who lived in LA.
I digress, back to the baleage. Once the truck was creaking under the weight of its load we set off to the field with me driving.
It was treacherous going after all the rain & the truck was scrabbling for purchase.
Mal's advice on coping with the terrain was great. 'Floor it everywhere to prevent getting bogged down & don't worry if you lose control'
I didn't need telling twice.
We set off for the fields charging along bouncing over hills, gates, sheep & the occasional irrigator. Great fun.
Once we reached the cattle we drove around in slow circles chucking the baleage off for them in slices.
Apparently it's bad to just dump the whole lot & let them scrap it out as our friend who lost the fight will testify.
These guys can do some serious damage.
Can't wait for the time when I can be trusted to do the tractor work. What a buzz.
After that Trish & I brought in Honey, Ben & Horace from a field where they have been off for about a month. The walk was about a mile each way & on the way back we were chased & harried by about 70 inquisitive bullocks. She was commendably calm & kept facing them to shoo them away. I was adopting the Billy Connolly approach & throwing small children behind me.
Although the cattle were charging the horses & not us it was still very hard work hanging onto 2 fresh horses who kept leaping in the air & trying to run away from all these potential beef-burgers.
The lovely bit came when we turned them into the paddock to re-unite them with the herd they haven't seen for a month.
The 7 regulars came charging over to see who was coming & we released them & stood well back.
They met in the middle of the field & there was a few minutes of squealing & bucking whilst Jess re-established the pecking order.
As we stood & looked at them in the bright sunshine I said to Trish that even as a tough Kiwi it must warm her heart to see them all like that.
She replied that all we needed were a black & a grey & we would have the full range of colours.
The real work starts with the riding now.
The oldies won't get exercised, that's Kestrel, Winky & Horace.
However, that leaves me with 7 to do & we have worked out that each horse will have to be ridden or lunged (for the littlies, Shrinky & Fergus) a minimum
of every other day.
Think I need to eat more.
Off to fill my hottie & let Chris do some work on the pooter.
Hugs all round.
Cx
Q ... 'Stan files' has dropped off my home page, please restore so my kwik-link to H comes back. Ta.
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