Aaaarrrggghhhhh !

I bet NONE of you can beat this for news ?

This morning - we had an earthquake.

How scary is that ?

It was a very windy & stormy night & that was bad enough cos
there are massive trees everywhere & the house is made of
wood, I kept expecting to see an old lady pedalling a bike
very fast past the window with a cairn terrier in the shopping
basket.

Then this morning, as I was contemplating getting up at 0600
there was THE most almighty rumbling, grumbling, crashing & banging.
Imagine when you drive under a bridge which a train is going over
& multiply tenfold.

It went on for about 7 or 8 seconds.

At first I thought Ginger Tom as locked in the tack room which
is adjacent to my room & I lay there thinking 'Stupid cat' imagining him
lumbering around knocking things off shelves & stuff.

When the noise went on a bit I realised there was more to it.

It wasn't until I got up & saw Chris who said to me

'Has anyone actually told you what to do in a quake ?'

that it dawned on me.

'Quake ?' I asked, in a very small voice.

'Yes - that's what it was this morning.

Next time it happens & you are in the house, you need to stand
in a doorway' (strongest part of the house apparently)'

'So-hiding under my duvet is not effective then ?'

'No' he said - kindly.

I knew that earthquakes occurred in NZ cos there are adverts for what to
do every now & then on TV but I had kind of thought they were 100's of
years apart. The last one to do any serious damage near here was in 1930.

Today's was a 5 on the Richter scale, apparently they start 'doing damage' at
7/8.

Mummy.

This week, I will be mostly having earthquakes :)

Cx

Hellooooo ? (as Tigger shouts when he is lotht in the mitht)

Q, you have surpassed yourself with that foto.

I have come over all unnecessary.

Was ever there such perfection ?

The rain is battering against the windows as I type.

Perfect excuse to stay in & read all day.

I started & finished a book Stuart sent me by Rose Tremaine called "The Colour"

It centres around a woman who goes off to NZ in the 1850's to make her fortune.
She loves the wide open spaces, neddies & digglies & has a racy affair with a chinaman.

Oh well, 3 out of 4's not bad.

Sadly, she does not wear wellies & push a wheelbarrow every day but I think the story could only have improved if she had.

On days like today, when I feel a million miles away from all my chums & England, I appreciate e-mail the most. 3 lovely mails from the girlies, bringing bits of Wimbledon, sunshine & kindness into my day.

Saddest thing I heard this week was that Denis Thatcher had died.
Strangely, only the day before I was discussing him with Trish when we were having a conversation about why the British Press loved to rubbish Cherie Blair.

It's hard when you come from Yorkshire to broadcast that Margaret Thatcher is your heroine. But there - it's out in the open now. I feel for her & her loss. (sorry Mum)

Best thing (apart from BM & Di's news)

Terminator III : Rise of the machines : July 17th

2nd best thing

The All-Blacks beating the cheese-eating surrender monkeys last night.
Fantastic, running, free-flowing game with a referee who wasn't thrilled to hear his own whistle.

Enough for now as you had a large one yesterday-don't want you lot expecting novels everyday.

Cruel to be kind & all that.

Tony - Commiserations-apply again at the 1st available opportunity & just wear them down :)

Cx

ps. Ange, my pig had a long, curly tail - stupid game. :)
pps. Q-could you forward the Delia thing separately to me, Trish likes the sound of it. Ta.

The sword Aragorn is holding is probably Anduril, a sword that shows he is beginning to be the King of Men

The first official poster for the final Lord of the Rings film, the Return of the King, has been released.
Even though the film isn't out until December, the new poster is sure to get fans of first two films excited all over again.

Although it doesn't seem to show anything that important, we reckon a closer look is a lot more revealing.

It shows Aragorn, the King of the film's title, holding what could be a very important sword.


Apart from that I am sure maam approves of Viggo

Right, I am off to do stuff.

Ooh some quickies I almost forgot.

Ange - Glad the blah-lambs aren't boring you.
Mike asked me yesterday if I fancied trying shearing.
I get to practice on a dead one first cos the blades get very hot if
you don't keep them moving & if you are clumsy you can slice off
bits (ooh)
Also, you are not put off by the sheep saying 'Can I just have a bit off the top
please & do you have any more de-caff ?'
Think you should get a tracker fitted to Spike so you can see where he's
going & who's feeding him. Di - this applies to you & Jeeeffreee too.

Stu - Thanks for the parcel, it was worth the wait.
Yorkshire tea bags & Tunnocks, what more could you ask for ?
To make things perfect, as Mal was eating one of the biscuits he read
the wrapper & said 'Is this true ?' Come on all together now ...
'Over 4 million of these biscuits made & sold every week'
He found those figures boggling, that's one biscuit every week for every
one of the population here !

Queenie & Bill - Guess what ?
Rob Clarke is in the Marlborough Express doing the haka in
his police uniform. For any of you that don't know, Rob is the chap who
met Q whilst he was out there earlier this year. He used to police in
Plymouth/Portsmouth (help me out here Q) & has been at the same
training college as Bill in Wellington for the past 11 weeks.
The quote says "British Bobbies become Kiwi cops" & says
"they had loved the course, especially Maori cultural aspects"
Hmmm - not what PC Lawrence told me ?
I am going to mail Rob & send him the photo if he has not already
got one. He is not a small bloke & the picture is truly arresting-
(geddit?)

Trudes - Having sought technical expertise (I asked Q) the e-mail is gone for ever.
He did however suggest sending it snail-mail so I will do that.
I will also send you an e-mail next time I get the pooter to myself during the
week.

If any of you are wondering about the order of the e-mail on Thursday, the beginning is supposed to be where it says 'Buenos Dias' (thanks for help with the spelling Di) As it stands - it doesn't make much sense when it begins 'Things have moved on'

Hopefully my Ed will sort these chunks into proper order for you, when I have typed lots like today I can't bear to lose it all with some spacky, inadvertent, hand gesture so I keep publishing as I go along putting it all out of synch.

Last thought for today to make you laugh ...

Long, religious discussion at dinner the other night, instigated by Zoe asking 'If Jesus is a Jew, how come Jews don't believe in him ?' The family are staunch Catholic (makes sense with 6 kids I suppose) who stop short of actually going to church. After much explanation & clarification by Trish, the youngest Genevieve asks ...

"Mummy - am I a Joom or a Christis ?"

Priceless.

ttfn

Cx

Q - could you please show the folks Slurp & Tea Bag basking in the sun ?

Happy Saturday ! (for me anyway)

I love Saturdays !

It's like when you were a kid & you sat around in your jarmies
watching TISWAS.

They all go off to hockey at 0850 & don't return til about 1pm so I get the house
to myself & peeeace & quiet. Fabulous.

This morning we had the usual before leaving.

Innes whistling one note over & over again in a breathy, highly irritating manner.
He can sustain this for as much as 30 minutes.
He should make a world-champion free-diver.

Lizzie & Genevieve fighting

'She's kicking me' (adopt, nasal, high-pitched whine)
'Am not'
'Are too' ad nauseam

The girls names here are interchangable, there are always at
least 2, poss three fighting at any one time.

Mix this with

'Where's my stick/gumshield/boots/socks ?'

and

'He/She has stolen my stick/gumshield/boots/socks'

and you are close.

Finally, with much revving of the engine & shouting of

'Come on you guys - where are you ?'

they depart, re-arranging the gravel.

And breathe ...

It's at this point I creep from my bed, having been awake since 0730 listening
and go to the kitchen to survey the damage.

Luckily, this being Saturday, I don't have to touch any of it - hurrah.

The only thing I do is to take the covers off the horses & feed them.

I shouldn't do this either but being a nice kind of person I can't watch the neds sweat their bits off in rugs on a sunny day just because the kids aren't organised enough to do it before leaving.

Right - enough complaining, for now.

Today is lovely & sunny again, I am going to clean my room, e-mail some of you guys, do some washing (my own for a change) & then sit in the sun doing absolutely nothing other than reading a book. I am currently on my 3rd Bill Bryson since arriving. I have been able to do a phenomenal amount of reading since arriving. About a book every 3 days & since Trish has an exhaustive library with all the classics (Mum-you would approve) as well as some great contemporary stuff I should have plenty to keep me entertained.

This evening it's the All-Blacks versus the Frogs. It wil be the 1st time I have rooted for the AB's since getting here. My evening plans include Sky at Mal's, Export Gold & another stonkingly good KFC (I'm a classy date)

Whilst I remember I want to share a passage with you from Bill Bryson's 'Notes from a small island' which is about his 7 week journey around the UK.

I am sorry to harp on about him but he is laugh-out-loud funny & should be the benchmark for travel-writers. If you have read him already you will know what I mean, if not - go buy a book now.


This is Bill explaining the problems he has with arcade games ..

"With the exception of penny falls & those crane things that give you three microseconds to try to snatch a stuffed animal and in which the controls don't actually correspond to the movements of the grabber bucket, I don't understand arcade games at all. Generally, I cant even figure out where to insert the money, or once inserted, how to make the game start. If, by some miracle, I can surmount these two obstacles, I invariably fail to recognise that the game has come to life and that I am wasting precious seconds feeling in remote coin-return slots and searching for a button that says 'Start'. Then I have thirty confused seconds of being immersed in some frantic mayhem without having the faintest idea what's going on , while my children shout 'You've just blown up Princess Leia you stupid shit!' and then it says 'Game Over'.

Or, further on in the book, Bill leaving a pub after drinking copious amounts (something he does regularly) This piece of descriptive writing had me snorting & snuffling & blowing snot bubbles (I am poorly, in case I hadn't mentioned it)

" Now the second rule of excessive drinking (the first of course, is don't take a shine to any woman larger than Hoss Cartwright) is never to drink in a place on a steep slope. I walked down the hill on unfamiliar legs that seemed to snap out in front of me like whipped lengths of rope. The Adelphi, glowing beckoningly at the foot of the hill, managed the interesting trick of being both near by & astonishingly distant. It was like looking at it through the wrong end of a telescope - a sensation somewhat enhanced by the fact that my head was a good 6 or 7 feet behind my manically flopping appendages. I followed them helplessly, and by a kind of miracle they hurtled me down the hill, safely across the road and up the steps to the entrance to the Adelphi, where I celebrated my arrival my making a complete circuit in the revolving door so that I emerged into the open air once again


He goes on ...

"I went to the grand staircase and managed - I know not how - to fall up them in a manner uncannily reminiscent of a motion picture run in reverse"

It has been a good week this week, not only did my very clever friend Di pass her board to do sneaky-beaky surveillance type stuff (are you swotting compass points as I type ?) but I had a lesson on Honey which didn't end up with me being glad to get off rather than be thrown off. There was the lamb-stuff (more to follow) and also, I haven't mentioned it much up to now because I have a wide & ethnically diverse bunch of chums but now I feel I am justified in saying

THE RUGBY - FANTASTIC OR WHAT ??????

NZ is a country rightly proud of its rugby & what a fantastic time to be in the Southern Hemisphere when we have just pasted Australia. Up until then the press & the locals were saying England were expected to beat the Maoris, lucky to win against the All-Blacks & would get put in their place by the Wallabies. Wannabet ?

At last weekends show Paddy informed me we were lucky to win against all 3 teams. I told him that with that amount of luck we could surely win the World Cup ?

I know it's a few months away & I know England have a reputation for folding at the World Cups but the sense of anticipation of being a Pom, in NZ, when your team has whupped everybody is fantastic.

Sorry - gloating over, it's not polite is it.

Much better to be 'plucky Brits' like our tennis starts ie. crap & always losing.

As I had threatened to do, I sent Grant Ingersoll (truck driving instructor-remember ?) a condolences card with some abuse inside. The front showed a yacht sailing into the sunset (I didn't want to chose anything too morbid in case he didn't see the funny side) The words on the front read "At this diffucult time" and inside I had written 'of having your backsides kicked by a bunch of public-school nancy-boys" (his words to describe the English pack during my course)

I posted it & forgot about it.

A couple of days later Chris shouted 'Fone for you ...'

Grant's first words were 'You're a cheeky little s*** aren't you ?'

Thought I had better censor, this entry will play havoc with the job's firewall if any of you are still allowed to read it at work after their recent clamp-downs ?

Things have moved on I am glad to report.




Mike looking for animals to slot

Mike does tail his lambs here because if the tails are not taken off, they either get full of 'dags' (use your imagination) hence the phrase ' rattle your dags' meaning hurry up.

If not dags the lambs are bothered by flies & where do flies head for ?
That's right - the longest, smelliest bit - the tail.

Mike uses the rubber band method of tailing lambs.
The band goes on over the tail, within half an hour the tail is dying & it then drops off over anything up to a month.

He says he did used to cut the tails off but the lambs appeared 'to be in agony' for an hour or so afterwards. This is why I am quite comfortable around Mal & Mike & their methods even with my hippy, tree-hugger's attitude towards animals.

Sheep also suffer from footrot which means periodically going through them all & paring away the rotten flesh with a sharp knife.

I am assured this is a nasty, smelly job & the sheep don't much appreciate it either.

They need to be routinely drenched for parasites & these I am only just learning about.

Their feed has to be carefully moderated after the results of scanning are known.
Too much food for a ewe which is not pregnant, is almost as dangerous as
to little for one that is.

Now we come to THE most stupid thing that I think a sheep can do. If they are particularly woolly they can lie down, lose their balance & get stuck. Their wool parts, they cannot get their legs to the right angle to the ground to get any purchase, they bloat & can die in a couple of hours although some can last days. This is known as getting cast.

I suppose it's how we feel when we are blind drunk & just cannot get up. At least we have the fun of getting drunk first !

The guys check all the paddocks daily for sheep which have become cast. This consists of a drive around all the perimeters of the fences tooting the horn on the trucks & making sure any sheep which are laying down are able to get up & run away.

I like these drives with Mal. I am gate monitor if he drives & vice-versa. I ask about all the bits of machinery we see abandoned on the land & he is happy to have a captive audience.

I must sign off for now, I hope these ramblings about sheep are not too
tedious, I know I am in for some stick when I get home but I love learning about all the stock.

If it gets too dull just look at the foties.

The 'Baldrick Goes Forth' foto is of a WW2 Chevrolet 'Puddle Jumper' which was used as a troop carrier. It has been lovingly restored & I felt very moved when I got in it.

Q, could you oblige with some shots of Mal & Mike moving the cattle around
please ?

Especially the one where it looks like Mike is water-devining.

Thank you.

Cx

Buenos dais (sp?)

I did post yesterday ?

Don't know where it has gone ?

Oh well, I was only bleating about being ill anyway, not an interesting read.

Lousy day yesterday - was supposed to be off & go to golf but woke up with some sort of lurgy which Zoe had kindly passed on. It was that flu type one where everything aches & you feel dizzy & nauseous.
Also had that really sore throat which feels like swallowing razor blades.

Not good.

Worked instead of going to golf (you know what it's like - don't want to be ill on your days off)

All was fairly peaceful despite feeling rough until I started feeding the neds.
The most blood-curdling screams started coming from the house & Zoe & Lizzie were yelling & bawling at each other.

It seems it started over Zoe dipping her fingers into Lizzie's baking & ascended from there to nuclear proportions.

At regular intervals I would be screamed at to come & sort it out.

They carried on at dinner,bitching & whining at each other & pulling faces. By then the dispute had been running for approx 3 hours & I was absolutely sick of it.

I went to my room for some peace & quiet at 8pm, did not re-emerge & went to bed & 8.30pm.

Awoke today feeling much better & had an all-round good day.

Right, time to cook tea, notice my last entry hasn't successfully posted.

Don't know what's up with Blog these last 2 days ??


Ok, back from tea.

Today was a good day, beautifully sunny again. They say it is incredibly mild this winter even by their standards but I'm not complaining.

Have only worn t-shirts since getting here.
My kind of Winter.

I was helping to put up a fence this afternoon.
Mal & Mike have to get the cattle-race & weighbridge sorted out before Monday. The govt TB tester is coming then & last time he arrived he threatened to leave saying the yard was too shabby.

We have sunk 6 new posts today to make the approach to the weighbridge longer & safer.

It doesn't sound much for an afternoon's work but to my disappointment there was no
chanical medigger to do it (who says that to me - is it you Ange ?) so the holes had to be dug by hand.

I wasn't brave/rude enough to ask if I could use the chainsaw so comforted myself with 'tamping' I basically used a very heavy iron (?) thing to smash the earth flat around the poles.

The thought of gobby rt drivers was all I needed to do a really thorough job.

During our manly labours, talk turned to sheep.

Stay with me - it's not boring - honest.

There are some 700 sheep here & they are due to lamb in about 5 or 6 weeks. Sheep routinely have twins so there could be anything up to 1400 blah-lambs.

Mike was asking if I would be able to get up & do the early morning check on them at daybreak & then have his breakfast waiting by the time he arrived ?

I assume he was joking?

I asked him what the morning check consisted of & he explained that it was a check to make sure all the sheep had lambed safely & nothing untoward had happened.

Sorry to Eric & all the other Tanners if you are reading but you will have to skip all the farming stuff that's new to me & painfully obvious to you cockies :)

Sometimes a lamb's head will come so far, then get stuck & the lamb will die. The lamb then has to be removed by hand to save the sheep. Mike went on to say that you have to check for lambs that become 'mismothered' My ears pricked up at this point.

'What happens to them ?' I asked a shade too quickly.

'Great. Are you volunteering ?' he said.

If there are any blah lambs whose mother's refuse to take them it seems I will be fostering & feeding them. Their last feed is at 11pm.

Hurrah ! Wonder how a bedroom full of lambs will grab Barley-Marley ?
How cute will that be ?

I promised Mike I would help on condition that none of my fostered weanlings would be turned into chops. He said that was a promise he couldn’t make.

Stu - while you are organising BM's flight can you get a quote for 20 sheep back to the UK ?
They can live in the field opposite you at Leith Hill - see I have worked it out.

Stop Press

Barley's passport has arrived at the vets so she should be arriving with me next weekend.
I have sounded the family out about my concerns about leaving her if I have to go somewhere that dogs are not allowed ie. hunting.

They have all (especially the kids) made encouraging noises about looking after
her on those days so I am reassured it is a good idea for her to arrive.

At the moment, Don accompanies me on my evening patrols to feed & put rugs on but as he is petrified of just about everything I am looking forward to having my brown & white shadow with me.

I have learned loads about sheep whilst being here. I was labouring under the
misapprehension that they were easy to look after.

Stick them in a field, give them a hand at lambing time & hey presto, blah-lambs.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Put them in a field, yes.
They graze neatly & tidily & crop the grass unlike horses who grasp it with their lips & tear it out by the roots. Also, unlike horses, they are not finnicky eaters & so will neatly & tidily crop everything in the field to a uniform length.

Chris sometimes puts a 'mob' (anything from a couple to a couple of hundred sheep) on the verges of his paddocks, beyond the fences to 'tidy up'

That's where they stop being easy.

They need shearing routinely. If their wool is left on for too long (woollies) the wool
which comes off is difficult to work with & of inferior quality. Argument rages about whether to shear before or after lambing.

Some say the shearing should be done before lambing & the extra feed you give to keep the sheep warm is beneficial in terms of the extra nutrients the unborn lamb receives.

Some shear afterwards & claim that the man who shears his flock prior to lambing is just doing it to make things easier during lambing (less fleece to get through)

After the lambs are born they are all 'tailed' which means having their tails removed. Some old books here show men who not only bit off lambs tails with their teeth but also castrated ram lambs in
this manner.

In the absence of Maam and knowing how much you love finding something here, I thought I would post something for the coven to read , whilst she is away.

DELIA VS REAL WOMEN

Delia's Way 1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Delia's Way 2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way
Buy Smash mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Delia's Way 3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way
Tesco's sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

Delia's Way 4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it is still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Women's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that is tough sh*t. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Delia's Way 5
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

Delia's Way 6
Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way
Sainsbury's frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg white over the crust so I don't do that.

Delia's Way 7
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of tequila. Drink the tequila. You might still have the headache, but who gives a sh*t?

Delia's Way 8
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way
What's the point of blokes then?

And finally the most important tip - Delia's Way 9
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way
Leftover wine???? Hello!!!!!

Happy Monday to you all,



Baldrick Goes Forth

Busy day yesterday.

Up at 0630 to leave @ 0730.

Caught the neddies at sunrise who regarded us with disgust.

Plainly written on their faces was the expression

'What time do you call this ?'

Trish drove which was quite a relief with 6 kids & 5 gees aboard.

Luckily all the neds are old hands at loading which is
pretty amazing given that Fliss has been in 2 road accidents.

Arrived in plenty of time, then came grooming, tacking up & preparing
5 kids, making sure all had their jods, boots, wips, spurs, hats, ties
& pony club gear. Luckily the eldest dress themselves, think all parties
involved would find it embarrassing dressing 15 yr old boys !!

Imagine the scene ..

'Carol, where are my boots ?'
'Carol, can we run through my dressage test ?'
'Carol, can you show me how to make Shrinky's tail shiny ?'

etc etc

Chaos.

I am pleased to report no injuries, no falls, 4 good dressage tests & 3 stonking rounds
of show-jumping.

These kids are seriously talented.

Paddy was the only one who came away without a placing & I really felt for him.
He is a naturally talented horseman who even makes his horse Ben look good.
Unfortunately for dresage Ben has no rhythm, balance or bend, so he is the
one I will have to put lots of work into.

What Ben does have in abundance is a huge jump.

Quick break to help Mal put up some fencing, back soon.

Cx


So, I finally get back to finish Blog some hours later.

When we returned from the horse show, Trish & Chris
had to leave immediately to drive Vinny & Paddy the 4 hours
to Christchurch to their boarding school.

Which left me with 10 horses to feed (& worm), a truck to unpack, tea to make,
the fire to light & the pigs & the dog to feed.

Come back Friday night duty, all is forgiven.

Oh yes and the kids needed an early night because
it was school in the morning.

It's safe to say I slept well that night.

At dinner tonight, one child, who shall remain nameless, looked
at dinner & said 'I am not eating that !'
She then proceeded to go to the cupboard & help herself to
fruit-loaf. I explained this was not the done thing & proposed
my food or no food. My food was grudgingly picked at.

Ah the joys of catering for kids.

Innes asked what was for dinner tonight. I told him spaghetti bolognaise.
He asked if it would be tinned spaghetti. I said no - home made.

'Oh' he said - obviously disappointed.

The conversation at dinner goes along these lines.

'Take your elbows off the table'

'Pull your chair nearer to the table so you don't keep tipping your food in your lap'

'Yes - I know he is eating with his mouth open & I will tell him not to'

"Ok - if you don't like mushrooms pick them out'

'Don't wipe your cutlery in your hair'

I am not making these up, they were all said tonight.
I really must try to eat properly.

The wind was unbelievable this evening, I was trying to put on Fergus' rug & ended
up with it completely wrapped around me at one point. He just looked at me.

I now have 10 horses to feed, ride & take rugs on & off in 3 different paddocks.
They are at least a 10 minute walk apart.
I am pushing Chris for a quad. He has said he will buy me a bigger wheelbarrow. Finally, for this evening, as I have been here long enough
to have thought about it, a list of things I miss & things I don't.

People, pets & neddies are not included, that's a given, just things.

Miss

The smell of my room & how light & airy it is

Radio 4

Early turn Sundays (not the getting up, just the
McD's breakfast & the camaraderie.)

The Mole.

Dressing like a gurrl.

Having a bath without a plastic horse & 60 other assorted toys.

All my classical CD's - too tight to fork out for replacements.

Me-time. Appreciate hugely what me-time I do get.

The moon as seen in England. He doesn't have a face here.



Don't Miss

TV. Haven't watched it in 5 weeks except 3 games of rugby.

Wearing make-up. Again, none in 5 weeks.

Traffic. A stressful journey now is when I notice there is 1 car following me.

English weather.
Sticky when it's hot.
Grey when it's not.

Buildings/Crowds. Self-explanatory.

Stress/Shift-work.

The common people.

Paranoia about theft/ crime in general..
All doors are unlocked at the farm, house & vehicles,
whether house is empty or not.
Ignition keys left in all vehicles.


I am sure more things will spring to mind as soon as I have logged off but those are the ones which are apparent.

Few quickies.

Mum - Excellent news. Who needs to hear the ads ? Can't wait til Gran starts telling your neighbours they can 'Shove it up their ****'

Trudes- Too knackered to type any more tonight.
Hope you don't mind ? Will grab pooter tomorrow aft.

Stu - Hope all is ok ? Await the update tomorrow.

Q - Muchos gracias Blog extraordinnaire.

JFP - Congrats. Next time I see you, it will be in uniform.

Tony - Good luck with yours, you will be fine.

Hadders - Hello back, miss your tea.

Justine - Thanks for e-mail, sorry to make you homesick, will reply soon.
Love to your menagerie & Malc.

Di - Very best of luck for 24th. You will breeze it.

Ang - Glad you liked to pics, tried to get more of GT today but he 'weren't 'avin it'

Turbo - Congrats on the stats, you may soon be able to shoot as well as me.

Bill - Sorry I couldn't make the bash-sounded good fun. There's a bottle with your name on it should you be able to venture South.

Weeny - Hope your weekend made up for your week.

Lindsay - Good luck @ LHR, if the Iranians let you go that is.
Play nicely with the other children & don't let Tommy take all your lunch again.

Cocky - Love to the brood, will I be experienced enough to look after Harry when I get back ? Check out the jumping foties.





'Marshlands Combined Training Day'




Ginger Tom

Love to you all,

Cx

Hi guys,

Half way thru a very long day so only a quick entry to tell you I
am now contactable via tx or calls.

My new no is 021 294 0146

Presume you lot stick a 64 in front of it & remove the 1st zero ?

Feel free to tx any time, my fone is switched off at night
so you wont disturb me.

Have to go, I am oic kids & they are all quiet which can't be good.

Cx

(picked it cos of Jo Hellsten's shoulder no)



With a little bit of magic and manipulation of the photies from pearl

ED - What no wow all the photos have been uploaded ?

Adam (in the Archers) has finally come out !

Well, they have Asians so it was only a matter of time b4 the token gay was added.

Of course, I knew ages ago (remember me telling you b4 I left Q ?)

After all Adam was charming, friendly, intelligent, & easy to talk to - stands to reason he must be gay.

Have a new tel no. now an enzed one but too squiffy to remember the no !

Will post it later when havent consumed so much red.

Have had a glorious day, this Midwinter's shortest day.

Spent the day sitting in the sun, reading & helping all the kids practice
their dressage.

Underestimated our Walton's dinner - there are in fact 12 of us
(13 including the baby)

I am going to entertain everyone later with my spot-welding & piano-forte.

Laters, guys, sory for speeling, there are 2 screens !

Cxx (extra kiss cos did I tell you that I reeeally love you & you are
my best mate ?)

Hi all,

Hopefully Q has received my 3 most recent batches of foties

Thought I would take you on a virtual tour of the farm & it's occupants.



House seen from end of driveway



My bathroom



Me using it



My room. Needs decorating.



House from front



Don (looks scary but is scared)



The post what I re-arranged



Mikes's dogs, 'Chew, Gus & Fizz'



Track to upper pastures



House viewed from upper pastures



View across top pastures.

Pudding-time, will finish later.

Cx





Neddies



Jess (my neddy)



Ben)



Shrinky (only 11hh - bless)



Honey



Ben (left) Fliss (right)



And finally, some shots of Marfells Beach (15 min drive away)

Hoping to take Jess there next week for some r & r.















Have to go now & meet the twins who are home from boarding school
for the 1st time. Wish me luck.


My plans then include a lavender bath bomb & hot water up to my neck.

Tara.

Cx

Kia Ora

Yes, they really were woods.

I hacked & smashed my way around, struggling for ages & wondering why.
It dawned on me half way round that I was playing with ladies clubs,
some 3-4" shorter than the men's clubs I always play with.

That's my excuse & blah-de-blah ...

Check out the view from the 5th. As beautiful as Gatton Manor is, I don't think
it has anything to rival Mount Tapuaenuku.



Mount Tapuaenuku

Mount Tapuaenuku, Inland Kaikouras
The highest peak in the South Island's Inland Kaikoura range, Mt Tapuaenuku is 2,885 metres high and dominates the surrounding countryside. The view of the mountain on the $20 note is from the east side of the Inland Kaikouras, looking up from the Awatere Valley floor.

(pic please Q)

I am becoming obsessed wth this mountian, I look a it every day & cannot
believe it's on my doorstep.


Awatere Golf Day 18 June 2003 001

I played with Lillian (right) & Wendy (left) today.

They were really good fun & Lillian especially made me laugh.

She must be late sixties & hit a blindingly good shot off the tee on the 18th.

It landed some 15' away from the flag.

I congratulated her on a good shot & she said

'Is it ? I can't see them after I have hit them' Classic.

After the game, some chit-chat & paperwork to become a member.

Most clubs, especially in Surrey have a waiting list & you can expect to pay anything
up tp 3 grand to join. You then pay fees every time ypu pay on top of that.

My joining fee for Awatere ? $78. No wonder thay call it rip-off Britain.

Mind you - I also have to pay every time I play - $2


Into Blenheim to post some stuff & to look for some more music.
Sang loudly all the way back to Queen's Greatest Hits II.
Managed to time "Who wants to live forever" with the sunset.
The summit of Mount Tapuaenuku was crimson & more awe-inspiring
than usual.

In 1985 I was on holiday in Spain & we passed up the opportunity to go see
Queen in concert in Barcelona. I don't have many regrets but that is one of them.

The neddies have been separated now & Kestrel & Horace,
the 2 geriatrics, have been placed in what's accurately called
the 'Dump Paddock' due to the location of the rubbish dump.
You will remember that this is Coco's final resting place.

This evening I went to feed them as usual.

To set the scene, you have to know it was pitch black,
I had only a torch with me & that the paddock is about
1/4 mile from the house. Remote is a useful word.

As I arrived Kestrel was there looking over the fence waiting for his hay.
No Horace. Bugger.
I knew the right thing to do was to go search the paddock to see
if he had fallen or was trapped somewhere.

I also knew that there was lots of machinery in the paddock & a grisly
sight may well greet me.

Call me spooked but I also knew that ...

1) Boy was still unaccounted for &
2) Coco's skeleton was on the rubbish heap

Ok, raise your hand if your imagination is working overtime.
Yep - mine too.
Guess what I was thinking ? Wish Barley was here.

I set off into the paddock & shouted repeatedly & confidently
(to scare the monsters away - obviously)
I had searched 7/8ths of it when I found Horace.

Standing watching me.

I said to him in a high, squeaky, relieved voice 'There you are, silly'

There was absolutely nothing wrong with him (so you can look properly now Di)
he just fancied standing watching me in the dark.

We all had fish & chips for tea.

There - happy ending.

Cocky - got your tx, but I have no credit to reply.
Feel free to call between 8pm & 10pm weekdays
(that's between 7am & 9am over there)
Or anytime weekends. (We are 11 hours ahead)
Bear in mind I am rarely on my own so unlikely to be free to speak.
Q or Di or Stu have the number.

Nitey-nite Blighty.

Cx

Hi,

Some updates, have to be quick, have neddies to feed.

Playing golf tomorrow, no idea who with, Trish has arranged
it, I am playing on a 'Women's Day' at the local Awatere Golf Club.
Mal has very kindly loaned me his late wife's clubs.
Have no idea what they look like, suspect the woods really will be woods.



I get Wed off hurrah - but work Sunday to make up for it. Boo.

Trish is doing the dreaded Kip McGrath's run today - hurrah !

I cooked a beef casserole last night - hurrah !
Roast potatoes would not brown - boo
Decided to grill them - hurrah !
Almost set fat alight - boo
They were delicious - hurrah !
Not enough for me, cos I had miscounted - boo
Genevieve didn't want hers & gave them to me - hurrah !

My weekend is organised already. Races on Saturday, during the day.
Eng - Australia rugby in the evening at Mal's.
Horse show on Sunday with the twins, Vinny & Paddy who I have not
met yet.

Big Blog hugs to Weeny & hubby, involved in a scary-sounding
crash in France thanks to some useless female frog driver.
Both shaken but thankfully not injured.

It would appear Weeny's mog 'Tarmac' may have joined 'Boy'
(we haven't found him yet) in pet heaven as she has had
reports he may have been run over whilst she was away.

Hope the mog you look at is not him & your boy turns up safe & well.

Finally, some tips on how to speak New Zealander

For bist efict, rid out aloud

Peck - to fill a suitcase

Pigs - for hanging out the washing with

Pug - large animal with a curly tail

Nin tin dough - computer game

Munner stroney - soup

Min - male of the species

McKennock - man who fixes cars

Mere - mayor

Leather - foam produced from soap

Left - departed

Kittle crusps - crisps

Inner me - enemy

Guess - vapour

Fush - marine creatures

Fitter cheney - type of pasta

Ever cardeau - avocado

Fear hear - blonde

Ear - mix of nitrogen & oxygen

Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym

Duffy cult - not easy

Amejen - visualise

Bug hut - popular recording

Bun button - bitten by an insect

Sucks puck - half a dozen beers

Beers - large, savage animals found in American forests.

One Doze - well-known computer programme

Iggs Ecktly - precisely

Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the airport.

Catch you later,

nb.

It may be worth re-reading Blog archives, especially the bit
which refers to the drive thru Queen Charlotte Sound.
I have posted a lot of pics to Q & I htink he is planning
on inserting some pics at the relevant points.

Cx

' The Blair Witch Project makes it to Kiwi Land '

The photos are coming through thick and fast now she has sussed out how to send us Photies she has taken on Pearl.

Hi guys,

Just a quickie cos I have spent the entire afternoon on the pooter,
need some fresh air & also the loo quite badly
(no. 1's not no. 2's so that's ok)

Have spent the last couple of hours sending piccies to Q.

(By George I think she's cracked it)

So hopefully you will have some pics to assist your imagination.

If they work I will take loads of the farm & all the aminals tomorrow.

Great day yesterday, had an easy day visiting Blenheim & the beach
then off to Mal's with beer, KFC & England beating the All-Blacks.

What more could you ask for ?

The KFC was a drive-thru, my food was ready in less than 2 mins
& they serve ickle dollops of creamy mash over here with gravy.
Linda-you would be in your elephant !
Did you know farmers are called 'cockys' over here ?
Stu told me you got Snips on the bit ! Well done.
It's worth flying back just to see that.
I expect Prix St.George next & piaffe.

Mal was very magnanimous in defeat
(we were lucky to hold on, for any of you that did not see it)
& has invited me to the races next Sunday.

Q, if you have received it, perhaps you would like to show the folks
a piccie of the house where I live just here ?



So long for now.

Cx

ps. bored of kumquats, bring back naive zebra !!

Cx ^ BB receiving files R5

Need directions please

over

Hello chums,

Warning - possibly sad aminal story-parental supervision recommended,

Weird thing happened last night.

At bedtime I could hear 'Boy' whining outside my door.
He is the elderly dog who is waiting for God.
He spends his days sleeping in the sun only moving when his bit of lawn
drops into shade.

I looked outside to see if he was ok.
It was really cold last night, just above freezing &
he looked very uncomfortable, pacing round & round on the porch & scuffing
at his bit of padding (rescued from a sun-lounger)

I took pity on him & did a 'no-no' & let him come in my room.
He has never been inside in his life & had a good sniff around everything.
I pulled his padding inside, arranged my bath mat on it & watched him get settled.

I have never done this before & felt bad for disobeying house rules but I thought
if he hasn't got much longer left then I would like to give him a bit of luxury.
I scratched his belly & chatted to him about stuff.

He only settled for about an hour before asking to go out & with
a non house-trained dog I thought it unwise to ignore his request.

When he went out who was there waiting to come in but Ginger Tom.
He was an excellent replacement cos he gives really good cuddles.
I gave up trying to write my journal as his weight on my chest
was too much & whenever I tried to write he did that cute thing
cats do when they grab the pen.

(Sprocket goes 1 step further - if you are brushing your teeth
she sits on your shoulder, grabs the toothbrush & tries to force the
bristles into her mouth..)

Uh-oh, kids back, pandemonium reigns, will resume this later.



And breathe ...

This afternoon I did my usual pm chores, fed the neddies, fed the pigs,
fed the ... oh.

No Boy.

He has disappeared. He has never gone missing before.
Chris has checked all around the farm with a torch but it looks like
he has gone. If he has I am glad he got a cuddle.

Today, Mal showed me how to prepare a field for sowing by 'scrubbing'
the surface by dragging chains along it with the tractor.
After that we drilled oats into it which will be grown for chaff (horse-feed)
It was a great afternoon, I rode on the back of the drill watching how
he ploughed the field. Behind the drill was a flock of gulls waiting
to pick up the odd insect or stray oat. They were continually flying
behind the tractor then they would land, grub about for a few seconds
& be replaced by the next gull.

It looked amazing as I looked back. Bright blue sky, chocolate brown earth,
(you would love to garden here Mum, the earth is beautifully crumbly & fertile,
no rocks for Granny to smash though) snow-capped mountain (just the 1 visible from here) soft green hills & wave after wave of gulls so white it hurt your eyes to look at them.

A good memory tucked away, wish I had taken my camera.

Then, joy of joys, 'Would I like to drive the tractor?'

How quickly can you dislodge a 78 yr old from his seat without looking impatient?

It even had a spacker-knob ! I know these days I am not allowed to say that in England but sod it - they put 'Bugger' in the papers here. I kid you not. One advert read

‘Buggered?

Why not come to hotel such-and-such for a break?'

There were more gears & levers than you could shake a stick at.
It was fantastic.

The tractor pales into insignificance next to the combine harvester or 'header'
as they call it out here. What a beast. You sit about 15' in the air.
I noticed the key was in the ignition :)

I was collecting fir cones to start the fire with this evening when I noticed
the moon was so bright it was casting a shadow on me.
I don't know if my memory is playing tricks on me but I can't remember it doing that at home.
Will some kind soul put me out of my misery & tell me ?
The moon is a sliver away from being full tomorrow & looks fat & beautiful.

At sunset tonight both the sun & the moon were visible & as I did my favourite job of feeding the neddies I hung around watching it.
I tried taking some pics but needless to say even my superb camera didn't do justice to the colours.

I satisfied myself instead by taking foties of the pigs having dinner in the dark.
I have committed a cardinal sin & named the pigs.
At 1st I did like everyone else, dropped their food in the trough & walked away.

It started with me noticing 1 had a longer tail than the other.
Then I noticed that 1 liked to stick his snout right to the bottom of the trough & slurp up the pea juice.

The other was very partial to tea-bags.
Hence, they have become 'Slurp' & 'Tea-bag'
Need I tell you I haven't told the family ?

At breakfast this morning Genevieve was continually scratching her head.
Trish carried out an examination & yes, you're ahead of me aren't you ?

Guests.

Yeuch.

We all have to wash our hair with some 'special' shampoo.
Angie-you're wincing aren't you.

This evening I received a letter from IEPUK asking how I was settling in & what the family were like.

We have discussed it & I can honestly reply saying ...

'They killed the 1st horse I looked at & burnt it, they make a 78 year old man labour on the farm, the family has infested me with nits and even the dog has run away'
I don't think they would believe me.

I have decided to hunt tomorrow as Jess may be leaving us.
As it's just the 1 neddy & no kids I will be towing a trailer
(called a horse-float over here ?) behind The Beast.
I will be taking it very easy around left-handers.
Apparently we are hunting at a 'local hunt for local people'
at Richmond Brook so by NZ standards it's probably a 4 hour drive.

Even with a 4 hour hunt I should be able to make it to Mal's for the 7pm kick-off.
Make sure you watch it you lot & think of me downing Export Gold with my mucker & cheering on St.George.
(All you bog-trotters & sweaties are of course allowed to cheer for England - we don't mind. Don't think any druids are reading Blog, but if you are, consider yourself invited)

I will close by telling you that, due to the intonation over here
I was left wondering who 'Gregory Pick' was when the newscaster said
that he had died this morning. (Sorry Justine)

Hollywood Hails De Niro as It Remembers Peck -LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - As far as Hollywood heroes go, they could not be more unlike -- one a smoldering human volcano about to erupt into violence and the other a film icon radiating stability and integrity.
But for a while on Thursday night, Gregory Peck, who died earlier in the day at age 87, seemed to be a spirit hovering over the American Film Institute's black tie tribute to Robert De Niro, who was presented with the film group's 31st lifetime achievement award before an audience of some of show business's biggest movers and shakers.
While the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Scorsese, Jodie Foster and Joe Pesci gathered to praise the star of such films as "Raging Bull" and "Taxi Driver," they were quick to recognize the hole left in Hollywood's heart by Peck's passing.
"I had a scene with him in 'The Boys from Brazil' and I can't tell you how well he treated me. He gave me a kiss in the movie and he was the best kisser ever," said comedian Anne Meara, whose son Ben Stiller co-starred with De Niro.
"Mr. Peck epitomized the leading man. He was graceful and elegant. I watched 'Roman Holiday' about 30 times and I can't tell you my fantasies," said actress Mimi Rogers.
Jeffrey Katzenberg, a co-founder of DreamWorks studio, said Peck "was part of the heart of Hollywood and we have lost part of ourselves. It was a terrible loss."
De Niro, who looked nervous and a little out of place at his tribute dinner, told Reuters he knew Peck "a bit and he was very nice. He was elegant and distinguished and a film icon."

When it was De Niro's turn to take the stage to thank the audience and participants in the award program, the actor paid simple homage to Peck. "Good night and good night Gregory Peck," he said.

Off to see if there is a gingwah waiting to get into my room.

Night England.

Good luck the whites !

Cx

Hi Blighty,

Bit of time to myself before mowing the lawn so, a rare thing - an afternoon Blog session.
It's been very cold here 1st thing these last 2 mornings.

The sort of cold that makes you stay in the shower too long.
Will make a foray to Warehouse tomorrow to see if they do thermals.
What's different about an NZ winter is that it's cold in the morning but as soon as you are in the sun (which arrives @ 7am) it is lovely.
I am just back from riding Fliss in a t-shirt. She backed into an electric fence, not once, not twice, but 3 times todaywhich made for an interesting ride !

Have just had some lunch with Mal & Mike in the lovely, warm, sun-drenched kitchen.
Could cheerfully snatch a nap as I was very late to bed last night (9pm) Chris & Trish were out so I was on child-minding duty.
What fun it is explaining to a 7 yr old exactly WHY they have to go to bed.

Zoe told me the other day that I should settle down, get married & have kids.
I told her that one person can only take so much punishment & that she was the best contraceptive I had ever met.

I am torn as to what to do this weekend.

A bit of me wants to get up early Sat & head off for 2 days walking in Abel Tasman (Dutch guy who claimed New Zealand in 1640) National Park.
A bit of me wants to hang around so that I can see the rugby on Sat with Mal & a bit of me wants to go hunting on Jess on Saturday.

Trish told me this morning that Jess's owners may have a buyer for her so I may be losng my neddy :(

I think the rugby will win out.

I keep having to remind myself that I am here for a year & don't have to charge around the countryside like a headless chicken on my days off trying to see everything.

Altogether now
'One (wo)man went to mow, went to mow a meadow ...'

Cx

David Beckham - leaving ???

Di - Did you know about this ?

Have you cancelled your subscription to Heat ?

Written to miserable Alex Ferguson ??

Questions which I need the answers to.

Off to lunge neddies.

Cx