The scary ladies from the pony club are congregating downstairs, so I am hiding upstairs.
Kids bathed & in bed. Chatted to Bill whilst bathing the kids & he remarked how funny it was to hear me being 'Mummy'.
Bill needs a slap.
No Blog last night cos always someone on the pooter.
You didn't miss much yesterday apart from that we decided that Coco (v.old retired pony)
has to move on to the Great Pasture in the Sky. He is looking v.old & worn out & can hardly eat his food it's only the beginning of the winter here so he would find it a struggle.
Trish has asked the hunt to come & dispose of him. For any townies amongst you that don't know they shoot the horse then feed it to the dogs to make it worth their while coming to collect the carcass. (Di - take your hand away from your mouth) Problem is that there is not really enough of Coco to make it worth their while.
I saw Chris wandering up to the paddock with a huge lump mallet & thought, surely even New Zealanders wouldn't beat a horse to death ?
Turns out he was going to straighten some old fence posts.
That's ok then.
Today was my assessment drive in the 10 tonner. Thanks for asking - I passed :)
Very nerve-wracking, especially the around town bit. Grant's final comment was that it was a good drive & he would be happy if everyone drove like that. Bill says that's because the average Kiwi drives like a myopic, suicidal nutter & that Asian people entering Auckland have to lower their standard of driving.
I think he's jealous cos I am now officially allowed to eat 'Yorkies'
Chocolate bar Yorkie is dropping its macho trucker image but using the slogan "it's not for girls" in a new television advert starting next week.
Yorkie was launched in London in 1976, then across the UK the following year.
Since the early days the image of a lorry driver was used in a series of adverts, which ended six years ago with the last television campaign.
Makers Nestle has decided not to revive the image when it launches the new advert on Monday.
The campaign keeps to the male image, with messages such as "Don't feed the birds","Not available in pink", and "King size not queen size".
Nestle Rowntree marketing director Andrew Harrison, said: "This is a big step for Yorkie as the trucker has been an institution, but we felt that we needed to take a stand for the British bloke and reclaim some things in his life, starting with his chocolate.
"We're not saying Yorkie is "not for girls" to be offensive but to let the British male know that we are for him alone.
"Women Yorkie eaters can switch to an Aero or Little Rolo if they like, Yorkie's feelings won't be hurt."
However, the relaunch has been dismissed by women's groups who branded it a marketing ploy.
Zarin Ainsworth, from the National Council for Women, said: "I don't think women need an excuse to buy chocolate and I don't think men go for male-only bars."
As we set off from the test centre, Grant reminded me what we had learned in the classroom about leaving all your stresses & attitude behind once you got behind the wheel of a truck.
As I was going thru the cab checks & the start-up procedure a guy behind honked me. Grant leaned out of the passenger window & asked the guy
'What his problem was, d***head ?'
I do so love it when a truck-driver takes control. I was ripping off my seat-belt & offering to hold his coat.
Grant must have been fairly confident with my driving tho because we went from total silence to a 'heated debate' about the chances of the All-Blacks whupping the Poms at rugby.
It began quite intellectually & finished 'Will' 'Wont' 'Will' 'Wont' etc
When I asked for my tea weak & watery the reply was 'What like an English forward ?'
He then waved my unsigned certificate in front of my face & told me I had to swear allegiance to the All-Blacks if I was to receive it.
I told him he could shove his certificate & threatened to torch his office & report him for blackmail. They like you to be direct here.
New Zealand's like that.
We also had a long chat about my job & he ended the day by saying that if I ever fancied talking to a grown-up I should give him a call.
He meant it too, not in a lecherous way, but because most people here are v.friendly.
Having said that, I met one yesterday who wasn't ...
I have to be careful with job firewalls & stuff but it is safe to say she was the single most offensive, rude, uppity bitch I have ever had the bad misfortune to meet.
It all started when I went to book a dressage lesson ... I had asked Trish what she thought of this lady who was half way between here & Blenheim. She said she hadn't heard anything either way so I went off for a looksee.
Upon arrival at this place advertising dressage with a billboard, there were no Private signs & no closed gates. I drove up the driveway to be greeted by 3 hyooooge Neopolitan Mastiffs.
Think looks/demeanour of a pitbull & size of a St.Bernard & you're close.
Deciding I quite liked my limbs where they were I stayed in the car.
About 20 yards away I could see a woman schooling a horse in a dressage arena.
She heard the dogs, looked over at me & carried on schooling.
Having waited in the car for a full 5 mins, I decided she must be a pupil & it was up to me to go find someone.
I opened the door a bit to see what the dogs would do & they all came charging over with tails wagging so deeming them to be safe I got out.
They were jumping up at me but in a 'let's play' way rather than 'yum-yum'.
I started to approach the front door & was called over by the woman on the horse who said simply 'Hey' This is the standard Kiwi greeting so I aproached her & started
"Hello there, sorry to disturb you but I am here to ...'
That's as far as I got. She thundered
'DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME TELL YOU TO STAY IN THE CAR ?'
I thought sarcasm best avoided, seemed like an intensely stupid question to me.
I replied that I had not & tried again to explain why I was there.
I DON'T CARE WHY YOU ARE HERE. GET IN YOUR CAR & LEAVE NOOOOOOW !!!
She made her point well. I contemplated advising her to remove her head from her own rectum where it was so obviously firmly wedged but thought better of it in case she had an attack signal for the baby elephants.
I did, however, re-arrange copious amounts of gravel on her driveway with lashing of torque from The Beast.
As I left 4 things occurred to me.
1. You have to be rolling in wedge to treat potential customers like that.
2. You have to be very stoopid to not know who you are insulting.
3. You can meet a***holes wherever you are in the world.
4. I have a whole year here to plan a counter-attack.
At 1st I thought steak laced with laxatives thrown over the fence for the dogs.
Bill, who is more subtle, suggested block-booking loads of lessons, then failing to apear.
Arson popped, momentarily, into my head (yeah, I know the legal thing is a problem)
As I approached today on my way to Blenheim I could see a thick plume of black smoke issuing from very nearby. To my eternal dismay it was a haystack on fire directly behind the house.
Right, off to Bedfordshire for me.
The usual quickies ...
Cocky, thanks for the snapshot of rural England at the jumping, v. amusing.
Thought you were going to say the bloke was Dave 'whoa you b*****d' Green
You are right NZ has no gold shoes, just steelies, Joan would hate it.
Got your mail from Sean's by the way, the system works.
Trudes, well done, got yours too. No it's not hot, it's Autumn going into Winter here.
9 degrees today. Guess who left her winter Harry Hall's behind thinking
'Won't need those where I'm going' Der.
Glad to hear Jim is back safe & well
Q - editing par excellence again. Haven't the willpower to try with the foties again 2nite
but your shots of The Mussel Boys are lovely. Can you believe I wanted to take a fotie of my mussel chowder to show you lot but thought the other diners would think me a bit odd ?
As for the lyrics from The Little River Band - Pass me the Domestos - I wasn't exaggerating was I ? Reminds me of the only funny joke I have ever heard which features the c word about the bloke from Preston.
Di -You said at Red Peppers that you could never walk into a restaurant to dine alone.
I am living proof that it can be done. I did feel a bit conspicious asking for my 'Table for 1' & I was sure I could hear the other diners muttering 'There she goes, alone & childless & no man to dine with. Poor soul (sole)' Such tragic thoughts disappeared when my soup arrived.
Bill - Lovely to chat, particularly liked the reference to Disney's 'Kingdom of Tonga' Is Elton doing the lyrics ? I am so sorry for all the times I have sighed inwardly whilst having 3-way chats with you & your brood.
Bill had to cope tonight with 'Wash your hair, no, get it wet 1st, here, I'll do it, where's the soap, no, you are 9 & don't need conditioner, where's the towel I laid out for you, right you're done ... NEXT' & so on, whilst trying to tell me, in dogged, determined fashion about his firearms training.
Look forward to a visit after my South Island Tour.
Stu - Sorry if you tried to tx me 2nite. Left fone & bag at Granny's when Genevieve & I visited earlier on this aft. Can't wait to hear whats been afoot at work. Will collect fone 2moro & hopefully speak to you in the evening.
Got a set of foties developed today of the garden looking pretty b4 the BBQ, Jeeeeffreeey & aooah & the horse/dog show we went to (Stu, Trudes & Linda) I stood in Blenheim High Street & oohed & aahed at how lovely everything looked (the ones of BM drinking hot choc are v.funny) & though what a lovely bunch of chums I have.
Big hug to you all & take care,
Cx
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