Played my last game of UK golf with Stu today.

Had hoped he would, out of a sense of posterity, let me win.

No such luck.

Big news, got over no. 4 Andy, took 5 balls but I did it !

There was an extra hazard today, in the form of a newly-wed couple having their photos taken in the ornamental sunken gardens around the 18th hole. I noticed them for the first time as Stuart was taking his back-swing to chip over the water. It was one of those moments where you don’t know whether to shout a warning or not. Afterwards he confessed that if I had shouted he would definitely have hit them. I know it’s my sick mind but imagine how funny those wedding foties would have been with the bride spitting teeth out and little yellow birdies flapping round her head.

The other memorable moment was on the 15th when the groundsman was cutting the grass on the tee as we arrived at the hole. He moved his mower out of the way & politely turned off his engine to watch us play our shots. Stu turned to me & joked ‘Watch me make a real mess of the tee he has just mowed’ He then promptly misjudged his shot & dug a furrow the size of a shoe out of the tee.

As we walked briskly away we risked a look at the groundsman. He was sitting holding his head in his hands. Poor man.

As we enjoyed a cool drink at the end of a round I spoke to lovely Colin, Andy & Q who were just starting their late turn – shame.

It turns out that Colin got involved in a bit of bovva after leaving the party on Saturday. He went to the fair to meet his wife & several of her friends to watch the fireworks. A group of rowdy, drunk blokes were pushing & shoving each other & knocked into Mrs Colin & then Colin Jnr who is only 4. Colin asked the ringleader to be careful & the next thing he knew they were on the floor grappling.

After separating Colin moved his party right away to the other side of the fairground. Some time later the brave ‘man’ found him after changing his top. The next thing Col knew he was on the receiving end of a punch up the bracket.

With classic Col understatement he said that 2 thoughts occurred to him.

The 1st was ‘What big arms he has’ & the 2nd ‘That was a good punch’

Needless to say Surrey police ignored 4 ‘999’ calls & didn’t send anyone.

My first thought after hearing of his plight was ‘What a shame he didn’t come back to the party & get some help’ Then, after further reflection, I thought that perhaps a bunch of drunken Old Bill rampaging around Hersham Steam Fair wouldn’t really have helped.

Colin is now called ‘Rocky’ at work.

After golf we went back to Leith Hill & took the cats for a walk. I know that reads oddly but if any of you don’t have cats – it’s true, they will come ‘walkies’ with you. We went about a mile, very slowly for them to stalk & ‘kill’ things. It was a beautifully sunny evening & after returning with the mogs we then took Barley & Jasper aka Ann Widdecombe for a much more boisterous walk. We discussed his study plans for his forthcoming Chief Inspector’s which he is working hard for. It gives me some semblance of hope for the Met to know that people like him will be moving up the ranks.








Cx