My yearning for chocolate has been only partially sated by having a hot chocolate thing they call a 'milo' over here. Don't even have the usual bona-fide reason for wanting chocolate.
Where to start ?
Early morning call from a very fed up Stu this morning. His opening words were
'This isn't a wind-up'
It appears that as well as an import certificate to allow BM to land in NZ, she also needed an export cert to allow her to leave the UK. As to why nobody at DEFRA thought this was something that should be mentioned BEFORE the aminal turns up at the airport ? Who knows ?
Bottom line - another week to 10 days until she gets here.
Not really a huge problem except that I had arranged to take Wed & Thu off & was just really ready to see her. Oh well.
Next - the woman who has been to view my neddy Jess, decides to come & take her away for a trial today. To say that she was odd does her a disservice. I'll relay the conversation we had & let you decide.
You need to know that the only other time we met was 2 wks ago when she came to try Jess. I tacked her up, we exchanged a few pleasantries. That's it.
When she arrived today Trish asked me to bring Jess in from the paddock.
As I went to get her Sue asked me to wait for her.
She started ... (sounding very hacked off)
'I don't know if there have been crossed wires here but I am not taking Jess to do dressage, I am just going to hack her'
'That's good' says me 'cos she hates dressage'
'I know that' (snapped)
At this point, I look at her to gauge her expression.
She is staring at me furiously.
'You're English aren't you ?'
It's an accusation, not a question.
I confirm that I am from England.
'What DOES this horse like to do ?'
I reply that Jess loves hunting.
'Well, I won't be hunting'
The emphasis is on WON'T so I try again.
'You seem upset or angry about something, do you want to tell me what ?'
'Dont patronise me dearie, just go catch the mare'
To say that I was taken aback is an understatement, I don't like being spoken to like that at the best of times & especially not by someone who won't even tell me what I am supposed to have done.
I tell her that I don't care for her tone & ask again what the problem is ?
I am not being aggressive, I am just very confused.
'Will you catch this mare or do I have to go do it myself ? I do know a little bit about horses you see'
I actually stood rooted to the spot. My over-riding desire was to throw the head-collar on the floor at her feet & invite her to go get on with it.
3 things stopped me.
The first is that regardless of what I wanted to do, the horse belongs to the lady whose son died on Sunday. I didn't want this woman to add to her problems by complaining about the English groom who refused to catch the horse for her.
The second is the fact that I was representing Trish & the horsey community is very incestuous.
The third is just my professional pride. I was going to catch Jess & behave like a grown-up even if this woman couldn't.
When I entered the house to get Jess's travelling things I asked Trish if Sue had said anything to her to explain why she was being so offensive to me. She had not. I also told Trish that I was on the verge of telling her to sort Jess out herself. Trish told me I was welcome to.
I led Jess to the trailer & had to prepare her for travelling as this woman who professed to know about horses had not brought even leg or tail bandages for her to travel in. Again I fought the urge to leave them on the floor & walk away.
As I bandaged her legs Jess stood like a sweetheart, obviously thinking she was going hunting. Sue picked up one of the bandages & tried to help. As soon as she touched Jess's hind leg, Jess obliged by picking it up, thinking she was going to have that foot picked out. Sue didn't know how to get the foot to go back on the floor & said
'I think I had better leave the bandaging to you'
I completely ignored her.
She asked me what Jess ate, I really wanted to say 'Food'
I loaded Jess onto the trailer, feeling like a traitor, blanked Sue & wished her driver a safe journey.
I had such a huge lump in my throat that when Mal asked me if I was free to help him, I couldn't trust myself to speak. I unclipped Don & stomped off to the top pastures to have a blub. It's was so sad watching Jess go anyway as she has baby-sat me for the last 5 hunts but knowing she was going to an unbalanced fruit-loop was even worse.
The fact that Ben was whinnying for her didn't help.
Funny how things work out though because about 3 hours after they had departed Trish told me that the horse's owner wants her back. They have found a hunting family who are keen to have her & that will suit Jess right down to the ground. Needless to say, I offered to ring Sue & break the bad news but Chris thought that perhaps he should do it ?
What else ?
Oh yes.
Don is being sold.
Tea-Bag & Slurp are being slaughtered.
Kestrel has damaged his eye & lost the sight.
Millie is to be sold.
Ginger Tom is to be shot.
I'm not making the last one up - honest.
He has been skating on thin ice for a couple of weeks having developed the anti-social habit of spraying indoors. Yesterday, when the vet came for Kestrel, Trish asked if there was anything to improve GT's behaviour ?
The vet has tried him with an injection of female hormone. It seems to be working because last night he was trying to get into Genevieve's wardrobe.
I told Chris about GT's injection & he said he was in The Last Chance Saloon - if it didn't work he was to be shot. I had visions of Chris taking pot-shots at him on the lawn & curiosity got the better of me so I asked how ?
Parental guidance warning ...
He said he would put him in a box, give him some food & put the barrel of his .22 rifle to his head. He clarified, when he saw my expression, that he wouldn't miss.
I hope the injection works.
I was telling Chris we were out of peas for the pigs.
Doesn't matter, came the reply - they won't be here after Thursday.
I didn't suppose they were going on holidays but because I misunderstand so much around here I thought I had better ask. When he confirmed what I suspected, I tried a different tack.
'They're not very big are they ?'
He said they were huge.
"Well, what I mean is, they are not very fat are they ?'
'Good try' came the reply - 'I warned you not to name them'
As for Don. Chris doesn't like him, says he is too much of a 'wuss' to make it as a farm dog & is going to sell him to someone who has more time to train him.
Millie apparently behaved very badly at Pony Club dragging Innes around the jumps in a scarcely-controlled manner & so Trish wants to sell her because she is not an all-rounder.
Poor Kestrel has torn his eye. Not the eyelid but the actual eye. It has looked very sore & I have been bathing it a couple of times a day. Easier said than done because Kestrel will only be caught by a child so you have to find a child first.
I also had to give him an injection of antibiotic, again not easy as he is terrified of needles. I ended up having to twitch him, a process which although it looks cruel is very effective with horses.
With apologies to those that already know, the idea is that you take the horses upper lip & wrap a piece of thin rope around it. You tighten the rope by twisting it around a stick & hold it firmly in place. You have to go much tighter than you imagine the horse can stand. The twitch releases seratonin, a natural 'feel-good' or pain-relief agent.
Some horses are so nervous that they have to be 'twitched' even for clipping or shoeing and sometimes for control purposes on breeding horses.
The hairiest wee beastie here, Fergus violently objects to havng his mane pulled. He feels so impassioned about this that he has been known to lie on the floor in protest. I suspect I will be twitching him when I have to tidy up the bog-brush he calls a mane.
On the upside,
Today was gloriously sunny & beautiful to be out in.
Terminator 3 previews in Blenheim tomorrow so I am going to drive in & see if I can get tickets for the evening.
Schooled Honey in a baseball cap (riding hat has inadvertently gone to Kowhai in big truck with kids.) Didn't fall off. Didn't get brain-damage.
I have 2 days off now.
Q & Turbo came 2nd in the Sovs pub quiz
I feel better after off-loading, even if it is just to a computer.
No foties this evening so some name-checks instead.
Trudes
All becomes clear, you are welcome whenever. You are probably the friend who would be least shocked by the day-to-day carnage that is farm-life, having no compunction about blasting wee furry things. (joke)
Angie
How's the decorating going ? It must be fantastic to see Lorna again. Has she brought back 'Nice & lovely hair shampoo' in bulk. Say hi to her for me. Tell Nutty what happens to non-toilet-trained Kiwi mogs, see if she bucks her ideas up.
Stu
Thanks for ringing to let me know the new plans. Sorry you had a wasted day. How much did you pay the vet to say no ?
Mum
Well-how is it ? I am sooo jealous. I wouldn't keep my licence for more than a day driving one of those beasts out here. The garden sounds beautiful, look forward to seeing it a year on.
(Mum has treated herself to a Subaru Impreza after becoming bored of being mature & sensible in Renault Clios. She sold her 1st one to be a growed-up & never got over it. I promised I would buy her one if I ever won the lottery. She obviously found out I don't actually do it)
Turbo
Great to chat - even if it was cut short by my battery. What you didn't know is that whilst I was talking I was also taking off 4 horse rugs & carrying them to the corner of the paddock. No such thing as down-time between 0800 & 1200 you know.
There is 1 high-risk misper, a female juvenile, Slovenian, shop-lifting, self-harmer. I have sat on the paper-work all day, done no investigation, not allocated anyone to it & am telling you with 5 minutes before the end of the shift. Oh yes & the incoming duty officer is that bloke from B-team. (Just for old times sake)
Q
Thanks for the voice-mail. Makes much more sense than predictive text. Please get rid of it (same applies to you Turbo) Can't imagine what you thought 'Letter from America' was if not the answer to your quiz question ?
The World's longest running speech radio programme was first broadcast in 1946. Now you can read Alistair Cooke's weekly letter on the internet
In 1973 Alistair was awarded an honorary knighthood and in 1974 he addressed the United States Congress on its 200th anniversary. In 1991 he received a special BAFTA silver award for his contribution to Anglo American relations, and in l992 the Broadcasting Press Guild's Radio Broadcaster of the Year and Outstanding Individual Contribution to a Programme by The Voice of the Listener and Viewer. Alistair Cooke lives in New York with his second wife. He has two children.
I love that poem, have read it at least a dozen times. It must be very thrilling to know you have made such an impact on someone that they immortalise you in poetry. I am very jealous. I am also relieved to know it was written by a proper 'writer' If you are still in contact please tell HIM (I stand corrected for my sexist assumption) how much I enjoyed it. RSClarke has not replied ? The Blog comments are not snide as such, just only things you could know having read it ? Thanks for adding the pics to promptly to Blog.
Bill
How swish is that house ? Still being new to pooters I cannot get over having a virtual tour of a house. It all looks so pristine & I can see myself savouring a big red on that decking. (hint) Check out the panoramic shot of the bathroom though. There is a v.scary reflection in the tiles. I am assuming it's the guy using the camera but for a moment the hairs on my arms stood up (reminded me of the ghost pic that scared you in the dead of night) The thought of the Met being ahead of another force/service in the terms you explain is not so surprising. I am constantly suprised to hear some of the language around me & I think it's because the Met has affected us more deeply than we care to admit. Not necessarily a bad thing. Don't worry about the call - as & when. I feel exactly the same about the days rolling into one, it's a Kiwi thing I think.
Justine & Malc
I will reply soon, honest. About to have 2 days to myself. Will send a full update then. I am curious to know what the hunting's like in England. Have you done any Justine ? I have a fantastic foto of Goo Goo with one of her progeny. I will get it copied for you, it is v.cute. Your garden must be looking gorgeous at the moment. Is Malc still being Lord of the Manor in his Le Chameux wellies as he strides the High St with the locals pulling at their forelocks ?
Bloo (1st time caller)
Your lot look like they know how to have a good time. Good shirt.
Wot no Weeny ?
Have they made you lot actually do work & not start the day with Blog & coffee ?
More updates with house-hunting please.
Di
Still awaiting pics of the window-boxes ? How goes the decorating ? Did you get the water cleared up or will I be returning to a sunken Japanese water garden feature ?
Are you taking it easy with William & is he still VLD ? 44 weeks to go.
Creaky
I was thinking the other day how much I miss the Control Room. Not.
How's the nagging, aching pain in the neck ? Does he still wear that blazer ?
Love to Mrs Creaky.
Rocky
How's things in the Big Car ? Any good fights lately ? On or off-duty ?
Tony
You were in the local press over here the other day for saving a baby.
Did I miss something ?
Way past my bed-time so night-night all,
Hugs gratefully rxd.
Cx
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